Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Should I Terminate the Relationship because of This...?

Aunty Amara, I am in a relationship with someone and we plan to settle down soon but with the way things are going I want to back out before it becomes too late.
He complains that he doesn't like make-up but I love make-up and have been doing it before I met him. Each time I fix my hair, he would tell me that he prefers braid and that I should be braiding, but again, I don't like braids because I lose my edges whenever I do.
Again, he complains about my dressing, I am not someone that dresses indecently or joins the bandwagon of social media slayers and he knows, but he keeps complaining that I can't wear off shoulder because it exposes my hand; the same thing about my jeans that has a cut on the knee, he doesn't like it too.
He uses such terms like am doing all these because I want to compete with other ladies and I want to feel among, but deep down within me, I just like to wear what am comfortable with.
There was even a time he said I should be wearing native long skirts and all or I should just put on jeans and top, so I asked him why, and he said for security reasons and so I don't get raped. He also mentioned that his mum won't like it.
So I have some questions to ask, why does he want to change my person? Is this a sign of a toxic relationship? Should I compromise my happiness for his demands? If I refuse to accept his demands and rather talk things out with him, am I disrespecting him? Is this enough reason for me to quit the relationship?

There is a whole lot of difference between compromise and reconfiguration. One has to do with doing everything to make sure that they are not harmful/hurtful to those around you while the other has to do with outright suppression or imposition of one's ideologies on another. 
You may think that he loves you, but in all honesty he's only frustrating you for his selfish reasons. 
If he doesn't see anything good in your dressing, make-up, and your choice of fashion, it's a whole lot better and safer for him to leave you than frustrate you by imposing his ideas on you. 
Love is meant to embrace the uniqueness of your partner, and give you the privilege to be you and be happy with yourself. Where he seems to have more complaints than compliments, it's only advisable to consider quitting the relationship for your sanity than manage a man who seems to be managing his partner. 

Is it a sign of a toxic relationship? 
Absolutely, because where it is prohibited to be you, you will only be suppressed into obeying his rules and regulations. 

Should you compromise your happiness for him? 
If you are not happy with yourself, how will you be happy with him?
If a partner feels threatened by communicating your feelings or thoughts with him, then it's not safe for you to continue with such relationship.

Is it enough to terminate your relationship?
Will you be happy with such conditions? Can you obey his rules and regulations for the rest of your life? Can you sacrifice your identity for his Idol? 
If your answer is yes, then by all means marry him; but if you can't, it is a whole lot safer to terminate the relationship and set yourself free from your captive.

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