Sunday, December 3, 2017

Is This Marriage or Slavery?

I need your advice on this.. I met my husband in 2013, we dated and got married in 2015. We were two imperfect people that seemed perfect for each other cause I am  temperamental while he is very calm to issues; I am the outgoing type while he barely goes out. Regardless of our differences, he was teachable and gives room for change if need be.
Two years into the marriage, after the birth of our first child, my husband changed completely. According to him, what prompted the change was that he is now a devoted Christian.
It's something I should be happy about but that was when the problem in my marriage really started.
Before we got married and after we got married, I wear decent trousers and wear make up. Beginning of this year, before I gave birth, my husband insisted I stop wearing trousers, that it was ungodly. I told him I don't see anything ungodly about it and that moreover heavenly race is a personal race, it's not something you impose on someone.
We had series of argument and fight, so I told him I will stop wearing trousers not because it's ungodly like he said but because he doesn't like it, after all it is him am wearing it for and he doesn't seem to appreciate it.
I stopped, I now complained about his beards, that he doesn't like shaving them regularly except I remind him and that even when I reminded him, he will say it's not grown and that I don't like the beard on him, it makes him look unkempt, I made him understand that sometimes you do some things not because you like them but just to keep your spouse happy, he apologized and promised to be shaving regularly.
My husband now moved to make-up, that he likes me natural, that I shouldn't be making up again, that it's ungodly. I told him that I can't stop using make-up and I change all my life cos of marriage, he then begged me to make up minimally, I agreed and reduced the make-up.
But do you know that my husband doesn't shave his beards except once a week, even after begging him, changing my lifestyle for him, even when I remind him, he will tell me it not grown and do as he likes, and I hate men that keep beard.
Most times when he calls me to have sex, I turn him down cos just mere sight of him disgusts me but he doesn't even care.
Well just this night, I was watching bank alert video with my baby and my house help was just dancing, he asked me why am I playing that video for his baby instead of gospel music, then I asked him what was wrong with the video, if the video had any nudity or raw words he collected my tablet and threatened to break it if I play such songs in his house again.
We started dragging the tablet while my house help carried my baby and was watching us. I am planning to take a walk cos I can't bring up my little baby in such an environment.
I am just confused if this marriage or slavery, I am also not allowed to watch movies where they have romantic scenes,  if not he will seize the remote or we end up dragging the TV .

What I will suggest is that both of you seek counseling from professionals or couple that is unbiased and well respected by both of you. 
From the little you shared with me, it's obvious that your marriage is becoming toxic and unhealthy for both of you. 
You are not his slave nor his kid to be instructed at every single point in your marriage. 
Both of you need some breathing space to be yourself and accommodate/tolerate your individual differences. 
There are huge work that both of you need to do to make your marriage healthier and peaceful. 
As it is, your husband seems to be ready to shove everything through your throat, and with you depriving him of sex, it is obvious negative tension is rising in your home. 
If you feel that separating from him will foster the needed communication and dialogue, then you may need to consider that. 
The most important thing is that your marriage is going through the reality phase, so both of you need some counsel to enable both of you live together without fighting each other all the time.

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