Sunday, December 17, 2017

Why Can't I Have a Low Budget Wedding?

Good evening, ma. I know I have really been frequent with sending you messages, well it's because I find comfort in the way you counsel.

I was reading the counsel you gave to a lady who worried about how her suitor was going to foot their wedding bills and you advised her to have a modest wedding instead wasting finance that could be used to take care of the home after the wedding. Then it hit me, because I wish I could have a modest wedding as well. But it seems I or my husband-to-be has no say in our wedding plans.

My dad has always sought to control my life since I was born and it's really frustrating. Some people say it may be an ungodly soul tie. Even after I introduced my fiancé to him, he would still tell me sometimes that even if I don't get married in life, it is okay. That I can live alone. What?? Who says that to his child? Now the issue, he complained that my fiancé was a business man, he said he preferred a man with a white collar job. Fine, my fiancé then got the white collar job! Now he faces my job and belittles me and my job! He calls my job useless because I don't work in those oil companies. Seriously, I don't see anywhere in the Bible where God said a woman must work in an oil company to be married!

My wedding plans don't seem feasible, I'm now tempted to feel this is spiritual. Today we'd fix this date and we'd shift it tomorrow. My dad demands an elaborate wedding, he told me, 'I know he doesn't know how to manage (that's, he is very extravagant)' and I'm quite the opposite, I'm frugal with spending because I plan for the future too. I've tried talking with a family member to talk to him but he's the type that refuses to listen to anyone except you agree with him.
I'm tired. My fiancé is the calm type, he despises confrontation, more like the 'go with the flow' kind of person. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm still praying though. But I'm getting frustrated, even sexually...because we've been in this relationship for quite sometime and we're Christians, so no that's one reason I also look forward to getting the whole wedding thing done with, so we could move on with our lives!
Why are things in Africa so different? Why can't I just have a simple and low-cost wedding?
I'm sorry to add this, but even my dad has never done a wedding before, he never paid the bride price of my mum or any of the other women who lived with him.
Please note ma, that my fiancé and I don't have the kind of money my dad demands for the wedding and if we try to tell him what we desire, he could reject to bless the union. He's that controlling.

The whole problem is in your head, and the moment you address your mindset, everything will fall into place. 
1. You have the absolute right to decide what you want to do in your life and in your wedding. 
Your father is controlling you because you surrendered everything to him, and have decided to allow him use your brain for you. The moment you take charge and control of things happening around you, he will be forced to either respect your decision or give way to your choice. 
2. You don't need the blessing/validation of your father to have a prosperous marriage. Again, this perception is in your mind, and once you and your fiancé have done the basic thing, which is paying bride prize and fulfilling all the traditional requirements, you have the liberty to wed your husband as you choose to. 
3. You need to be firm and selfish  in deciding what you want for yourself. Your father have made his decisions in life, and you must make yours irrespective of his opinions or position in your life. 
4. You should not allow any human being, your father inclusive, to decide the kind of wedding you must have, especially when he's not contributing anything to make the wedding a success. 
If he's not footing the bills, then his opinion is as good as dead, especially selfish opinion as his.

That he is your father doesn't mean that he has the right to manipulate you into doing everything he wants. The moment you break away from the mindset of expecting your father's blessing, that's the very day you will receive God's blessings for your life and marriage. 
You are the one who needs to break away from this bondage of being manipulated by your father, and until you do, there is absolutely nothing your fiancé can do to help you.


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