Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Why is He Torturing Me This Way?

Aunty Amara, Good morning ma. Please help me, 
I don't know what is happening to my relationship.
I have been with my boyfriend for three years now. It hasn't been easy for me but I managed to pull through. 
Even when he cheats and abuses me physically and emotionally, I still forgive him. Sometimes he will be the one to wrong me but I will be the one to apologize.
I love him so much. I always want us to be happy. I truly love and care for him.
He's nice to me and cares for me, but sometimes he behaves like I'm the one forcing myself on him.
This minute, he's all loving and caring but next minute he's something else. 
We have our quarrels and settles it. I go to his house and help him out with his chores. I do everything for him.
Two days ago, I don't know what happened, we didn't quarrel, he just sent me a message that, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with any woman right now. That I should stay on my own, that he just wants to be free so I won't accuse him of leading me on and promising me marriage. That we might not end up together and he doesn't want me to spoil his name or dragging him on social media. That's he's scared of all the relationship issues he read on social media about women claiming that they dated a guy adorable long and the guy end up marrying someone else, that's if I see any body else I should feel free.
In fact he's not sure he will get married, and he doesn't want any problems in future.
That I'm a very good girl and loyal to him, but he doesn't want me to say he left me for someone else at the end. Because right now he doesn't know who his wife will be, but I should please be his friend, cos I'm his best friend already.
That we are not enemies and he's still ready to render any assistance to me, but he doesn't want any relationship. But if God says I'm the one he will marry, no problem, but for now, he doesn't know.
Aunty, please help me because I'm so confused right now. I don't know where to start from again. I love this boy so much but I don't know how to cope or what to do. I'm so broken, I have been through a lot with him. Why is he treating me this way?
How can I be just a friend with someone like this. How will it work?
I have tried to tell him that it's not a must he marry me but he shouldn't dump me like this, but he said his mind is made up already.
Aunty, what do I do now? It's like my life is coming to an end already. Please advise me.

If you managed to endure physical, emotional, mental, and psychological abuse for three years, how do you hope to cope should you be married to him for the rest of your life? 
All he has told you in plain English is that he is not in love with you, doesn't have any future plan with you, and cannot under any circumstances or conditions known to him wish to marry you. 
He has been very vocal about his feelings for you, but I guess you were so much in love with him that you chose to ignore the glaring signs. 
He cheated on you, abused you, and made you feel guilty for what he did simply because he wasn't in love with you but perhaps was interested in your body. 
You deserve some respect, some appreciation, some love, some pampering, care, fidelity, and genuine feeling from a man who won't tolerate you in his life but celebrate you all the days of your life. 
It may seem like it is the end of your world, but I assure you that this is your new dawn, and you will most assuredly meet a man who will make you forget all you invested in him. 
When you lose someone who never loved you, you should be grateful to God for opening your eyes on time because in the end, you will only be torturing yourself and wasting your emotion on him. 
So cheer up, shut him out of your life, no need to be friends with him, because there is absolutely nothing good about his friendship with you. 
If you genuinely desire a relationship that will give you peace of mind and fulfilment in life, then you must shut him out of your life, and allow God to give you a partner who will make you feel loved and respected.


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