Sunday, September 27, 2015

One Terrible Mistake Ladies Make

From the kind of questions I receive daily, both on my website and social media fan page, it's obvious that a good number of women have little or no self-esteem.

What on earth will make a lady go down so low to beg a man to marry her? What on earth will make you push a man into sympathy marriage? You are in a dating relationship with him, this man never said he's going to marry you. My dear, it's just what it is-a dating relationship which must not lead to marriage. Now, he's set to move on because he has found what he wants and all you can do is cry and beg him not to leave you? I know it hurts to see a relationship go, but I still can't imagine a woman begging a man not to go. Men beg women for marriage, not the other way round. I know you call it civilization and westernization, but I hold on strongly to that religious saying that the man finds a woman. I see it more as women losing their pride of womanhood.

Begging a man to marry you; luring him into that sympathy marriage is the beginning of your misery in life. If you do the begging, get ready to keep doing the begging if you want to keep him. I got a message from a lady who was in serious pain. She foolishly dated this guy for eight years (eight years free sex, nothing given to mama). When the guy was ready for marriage, he
made it clear to her that she was not what he wanted. She cried and threatened to take her life. Instead of him being guilty of murder, the guy agreed to marry her. They wedded in December and by February, I got this call. The guy wakes up every morning to remind her that he never wanted her. He tells her how miserable he feels having her as a wife. He stopped eating her food.

Ladies, this is what you are going to be faced with when you force a man to marry you. You can use that pregnancy to tie him down; you can threaten him with your father's wealth; you can promise to take his job away if he leaves you, he knows where his heart belongs. He may bow to your threats and emotional blackmail, but the truth is that he will go on pursuing that thing he wants. This is where you find yourself married but living single. He will avoid attending social events with you and taking you out on date nights because you are far from being what he wants; he's not proud of you because he didn't choose you.

What on earth will make you to see clearly, with your two eyes, that the guy loves another and continue to run after him? I feel part of the problems of our young generation is the negative influence of the media, especially the celebrity baby mamas who shamelessly fight fellow women over a man. These ones shamelessly go about with pregnancy; that's all they can offer him, that's all they can use to trap him down. Only cheap women use pregnancy to keep a man, they have all lost their pride and I see them as nothing but disgrace to womanhood.

He is too busy to call you and you believe that. It's more annoying when you see women making excuses for their so called boyfriend. You do the calling because he is too busy to call you. Even President Obama calls the woman he cares about. No matter how busy he is, a man who truly cherishes you will put something on hold for you. Get this into your head my darling; he is not calling you because you are not worth his time. The moment he finds what he truly wants, that part of him changes.

Men love to conquer, they hate to be conquered. You conquered him with your money and persistent calls; he's hanging in there waiting to conquer his own woman. Some women are not even ashamed fighting over a man; how many guys do you see fight over a woman? You set out to fight a fellow woman for taking your boyfriend away; she is not your problem, your boyfriend is. Stop allowing men to use you against each other.

You ask him what you are doing with him and all you hear is, "I don't know yet" or "Nothing"; he introduces you to his friends as just friend; his family members don't even know you exist; when his mom is coming to town, he asks you not to visit, and you still go about calling him 'fiancée' and 'boyfriend'; abeg, make you respect yourself small (so we say it in Naija).

Some of these guys come in the form of "holiness brothers". They tell you not to visit and not to act like you know them when you see them in company of others. A lady once wrote me from Port Harcourt. This lady dated this man for five years and never visited him. The man got her a good apartment, travelled with her abroad, and made sure she was comfortable. But he begged her not to visit until they are married. His reason was that as a church worker, his church members shouldn't see a woman entering his house. This lady believed and trusted him. When she wrote me, I told her what to do and when she did, she found out that the guy was married with children.

Ladies, please get wiser and smarter. Love doesn't mean stupidity. You don't have to lose your brain all in the name of love. You must be able to reason and ask questions so you can dump him before he dumps you. Refuse to fight another woman just because of a man. Don't go out there to harass the lady; harass your man if you think you have to.
See this
Never forget this: It is not your duty to conquer a man. Men love to conquer. You can date him for ten years; you can trick him into marrying you, the very day he sets his eyes on what he wants, he pursues to conquer. When a man loves a woman, everybody around him will know that he is in love. People will feel it, even if he plays around, they know where his heart is. He will do everything he can to keep you because he knows you are what he wants.

Stop fighting fellow sisters because of a man; fight the man if you must. Men create these problems and then relax while we fight ourselves. This is why women will never love themselves. Don't make yourself that cheap; never fight over a man, it's never worth it. Allow him to be the man, let him know what he wants and go for it.
Raise the bar, let womanhood be adored once again.


  1. U hv read us men finish lol, ds is 100% our nature.

  2. Educating as always. Well-done ma'am, God will keep increasing you.

  3. Thank you Ma'ma, May God reward you richly.........

  4. you are on point,ride on mua so gi na eje

  5. We pray to God for his grace to keep to the advice we hear everyday on air, inside the bus, in our churches, from our parents. Sister Amara had given this advice over and over yet we ladies fall prey to this men. Sister Amara weldone and keep being a solution to the society. Words cannot express my sincere gratitude to you for all the good work u are doing. Remain blessed cos we don't say u are bless to one who is already blessed. Ndewo!

  6. Well said sis Amara. The problem now is, will they hear?

  7. Well said sis Amara. The problem now is, will they hear?

  8. Well written article! I have a woman from Russia that i met online at, and they know what is a self-esteem means! She sets all the rules in house! I love her strong character.

  9. When you cheapen yourself, you'll be treated like a cheap article.

  10. Yes I can't be taken for a ride,I can never beg any maga to marry me. Never stil 've my worth nd prestige. War wil be wil be


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