I'm Worried about my Girlfriend and my Residency!

Hi ma, how are you?...I really need your counsel here on a certain issue that has been bothering me...

I read your last post about dating guys living abroad, and I felt it was directed towards me, thereby prompting me to write you on my concerns.

I left Nigeria for Australia in pursuit for a better education and life, leaving by my girlfriend who I love and intend to marry cos we have been through a lot back home, but the issue is I want to get my permanent residency first before getting married to her.... My course of study allows me to sponsor myself for PR(permanent residency) but it might cost much money and time, also the Australian law might change (as it does regularly) against my favour...

Considering all these factors, I am thinking of getting married to an Australian citizen in order to get a permenent stay easily, faster and less expensive to be on the safer side, but honestly I want to marry my girlfriend.... Although my plans of sponsoring myself is still very much open, I still don't want to put my eggs in one basket, and I have told her about my plans but she still wants to wait..

At this point, I don't know what to do... My dad is even talking to me about working on getting my papers ASAP cos I am the first son, and need to pave way for my siblings to come over...

I am pouring out my worries to you for an honest advice... Tell me the truth about the whole situation... Hope to hearing from you soon.

I sincerely appreciate your honesty in your mail, and of course I perfectly understand what you are talking about with respect to residency challenges and policy changes. 

I know that this is a difficult decision for you and you have a good intention to help your siblings come over and at the same get married to your girlfriend as soon as possible. 

Here is where I am worried, if you marry an Australian citizen, does it make you an unmarried man before God, your family and your girlfriend? It actually doesn't and it wouldn't be fair to keep a lady waiting for you while you dine with another lady. 

From your mail, your priority is to get residency and then help your siblings get a better life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but what actually is the fate of this young lady? How long will she have to wait while you sort these things out? How old is she and how soon do you think she will join you?

My suggestion is simple, if you wish to go through the route of marrying an Australian citizen, kindly terminate this relationship and liberate her from emotional torture. If you know that you won't be able to achieve your residency plan within twelve to eighteen months, please terminate the relationship with her.

At all cost try your possible best not to keep a lady so long that she will become frustrated waiting for you. You know what's most important to you at this point, and you are in the best position to decide what to sacrifice for what you desire. 

Whatever you wish to do, try your possible best to be fair to everyone around you, and not hurt the very one that you love.