Friday, May 22, 2015

I do not want a ''fairly used'' man as a husband.

Good day Aunty Amara,
This is my first time here,I must really commend your effort for your good works.. I am a single lady ,I met a married man from a nearby town sometime last year..I noticed he liked me but I rebuffed his advances..He is not educated and I feel it is affecting his self esteem and his way of reasoning. My story is a rather long one but I will try to make it brief..
I’d met his wife once,that was one of the days he told me he wanted me to meet his cousin who had seen my picture and wanted me for a wife. Apparently,the married guy didn’t want us to get acquainted, because he kept saying he doesn’t mind having a second wife.I decided to stay away from him and his so called cousin because I was irritated by his lousy attitude. On Valentine’s day, he sent a text to wish me a happy val’s day and accused me of not caring about him ,I totally ignored that. Then,on a certain night,he called me up very late in the night and I was really pissed,I tried as much as I could to respect the fact that he is a married man but at the same time,I couldn’t control myself from scolding the hell out of him.I inquired to know why he called me at such ungodly hour,he said ‘he missed me’I became so mad that I gave him a piece of my mind. 
In fact,he came to my office sometime last month to see me,I sent him away.He wants me to give him audience,but I have been running away from him because I don’t know what I would be doing with a married man at this age.I have never indulge in such and I wont start now. Now to the story proper..Last week Wednesday,he pleaded with me that he needed to discuss something with me that I should come to his shop. At first, I refused, then on a second thought, after he’d apologized for his misconduct the last time,I decided to see him on Friday, at least to hear him out. I got to his house after he closed from shop,but I dint see his wife as I had expected, then he opened up to me that she left him .He told me of how he relocated from the north to settle with his wife in Ph because of the job he helped her secure .He accused her of being too wicked and selfish.He claims she earns 100k as salary while he makes at least 150k from his biz.He said he provides every thing in the house,even to the pure water they drink and their only boy’s welfare. He said something to me that,any potential wife should be reasonable enough to save some money and give to her husband to be,then both of them can decide what to do with the money as a couple. However,I demanded to know the bone of contention,he said he requested she brings some money for them to renew their rent of a one bedroom apartment which is about 250k,then she flared up,the wife told him she had never seen her dad asked her mum for such,that it is out of place for her to do same.hence,she left his house.His landlady also told him,she had witnessed his wife on two occasions,packed her stuff to quit the marriage.Now,he told me he is feeling cheated,because she doesn’t do anything with her money.She takes 1k from his wallet everyday she goes to work for transport fare and feeding allowance for the past 3years and he has never complained.The wife is from a wealthy home,his family tried to reach her family,but the girls family wont avail them the opportunity to talk things over.So according to him,he wants to move on and his people have advised he does.he has chosen me.(lol).I rejected it there and then,because I could not stand such.I feel he doesn’t wish me well,I mean what would I tell my people?He confessed to me that he doesn’t want his cousin to have me because he is not man enough to make decisions. It is so obvious that financial decisions are major problems encountered by couple.I have talked and pleaded with him to go get her back,but he is adamant.He feels he cant meet up to her standard because she is from a wealthy home.She wants him to buy a car and relocate to a 3-bedroom apartment but he is not ready to do any of those.In his words ‘She said she cant come back to that wretched home.I believe she expected more from him and now she feels disappointed.I told him they both contributed to making that marriage collapse.What other advise do you have for this man?As for me,I don’t need a ‘fairly use husband o’I am too decent for such and I feel I deserve better.. N.B. Please hide my identity and notify me when you post.


  1. U ve said it all,u deserve better.he is too naive .not saying d supposed wife is entirely right buh com'on dat shudnt be a prob.if u dnt wanna b dumped as well i say u move on unless u wanna adhere to his" conditions"

  2. Yoruba adage says 'Pasan ti a fi na iya-n-le o n be Lori aja fun iyawo'. All am saying is that you don't know the whole story of d situation. The wife will definitely have another different story. Just let him know your stand.

  3. Stories for d gods! Don't meddle wit husband & wife affair, u don't hv any say for dat matter, in case u re thinking u mit eventually hv a chance wit him den u don enter one chance b dat. Cool down in no distance time ur own man will locate u!

  4. You've made some your stand already known to the man. Stick to it. Don't in any way get involved with this man and in no distant time from now, your own husband would come forth. God bless you.


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)