Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Strictly for single parents

One of the greatest needs of this generation is relationship. Everyone is bothered by one thing or the other regarding relationship. It's not wrong; it's good, there is no beauty in life without good relationships. It must not be about man and woman, it could be a good relationship with your children and parents. We are created to have good relationship with each other. 

Okay; I want to talk to single parents today. 

I know you found yourself
a single parent by divorce, death of spouse, or unwanted pregnancy. It's worse when you are a never-married single parent, the society tries to make sure you regret every moment of your life. For widows, you see yourself so disrespected to the point that those who ordinarily won't talk to you make passes at you. For divorced women, the society will do everything possible to make sure you begin to see yourself as a second class citizen of the world.

 But it's up to you. It's up to you to lie on the ground and let the world use you as doormat. It's up to you to either take the name the world is trying to give you or get up, look straight into their eyes and remind them that you are nowhere close to being what they call you. 

Sometimes, depending on how you go about life, it's tough finding true love as a single parent. I have seen girls love a man only to take a walk the very moment they discover he is a single father; not everyone has the heart. It's tougher with single mothers, but at the same time, it's very easy. 

One thing I tell single mothers is to be sure they develop themselves to the point that men will come running after them because of what they carry inside of them. Don't go about trying to attract sympathy, it can only destroy you. Get up and fight for yourself and your child. No one will help you until you decide to help yourself.

As you climb the ladder of success, don't forget you need true love. After all said and done, only love will matter when all is gone. Don't get too busy trying to prove a point to the world that you ignore this very important aspect of life. Don't deny the fact my dearest; you need love, true love. You shall find love if you are open to it.

Stop brooding over your past, the past has come and should be allowed to remain a past while the future and present are taken care of. Let go of yesterday's bitterness and tears. When you hold on to your past, people can see it. Any man or woman who comes close to you will see someone who is bitter about something. Drop that heavy load you are carrying on your shoulder. Take up the yoke of Jesus Christ, His is very light and leads to joy. When you live with your past, everyone around you becomes a suspect. When you see that lady being too nice or too close to you, your past tells you that she's up to something and by the time you know it, a good relationship is destroyed. When the man talks marriage, he's a suspect because your ex got you there only to abandon you with a child. You will not move forward in life with this approach. 

When I was a single mother, I promised myself never to have anything with a never-married man. I decided not to date for myself alone; I dated for my children. Don't settle for that guy because he has his six packs, broad shoulders, fat bank account, or because he's a society big boy who knows how to club and party. You must grow beyond these irrelevant things and focus more on what matters- your children. Is he capable of loving my children and I? If he is capable, is he willing to do that? Can he be a father figure to my children? Will I be happy to have my children look up to him for direction and guidance in life? If your answers to these questions are no, my darling, you have no business being in that relationship. Don't get it twisted; that he was once married doesn't mean he is wise. 

I hear stories of men asking women to leave their children with a relative if they must marry them. And some women foolishly buy into this. What a shame! Do you understand the unbreakable cord between a mother and her child? Did you go in and out of the labour room? And you think one man from nowhere will come in to separate you from your child? Do you think it's worth it? I don't think so my sister. 

Any man who opens his mouth to ask that you keep your children away from your relationship is not worth a second of your time. Don't even wait for him to finish saying it; show him the nearest exit. Your heart is not safe with such a man. A popular pastor in Lagos who got married to his very beautiful wife in a carnival like wedding, gave her this same condition. He told her that her children were not going to live with them. My sister stupidly accepted this condition all because she was carried away by the Rolls Royce and diamonds. She lost that relationship with her children and the marriage lasted for just four years. 

You cannot be properly loved by a man who doesn't want your children around. Even if he tries to show you love, my dear, you will not give back that love knowing that your children are not wanted. Some of you are so childish that you hide the fact that you are a mother just because that man is showing interest in you. Do you understand the psychological effects of your actions on the poor child? Let the world know that you are a single mother, don't hide it from anyone. Even if you had that baby out of carelessness, accept it and live with it. Celebrate yourself my darling. 

If a man loves you, he must love everything that comes with you. If he cannot do that, let him go for singles who have no child. There are men, millions of men out there looking for your type. Let that man know from the onset that you are a mother and you are not willing to go anywhere without the child/children. 
Focus more on becoming a better you and stop trying to limit yourself. You are beautiful. You are exceptional. You deserve nothing but the best. Never, never let anyone make you believe you deserve whatever you are given; no way, you deserve the best! 


  1. Oh dear me; I was almost, at the verge of leaving my daughter behind for a man, thanks Amara. You just saved me, you just saved my daughter, I am crying now. To hell with the useless love, I am running back to get my daughter. Let Him Go As I Keep Hoping For A better man. Thank youoooo

  2. I was a widow with five children but two years after I lost my husband, God brought angel in form of a man to lover me and my children. Today, he love my children more than I love them. This man wiped away my tears of widow. don't give up, you will see someone to love you.


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