Sunday, June 21, 2015

Am I taking the right decision on this?

I am 25 years and he is 30, we met five years ago online, it was friends with benefit thing because we both in committed relationships, two years later i broke up with my boyfriend it was very heartbreaking i moved to another town, nine months later he contacted me again and said he wants to see me i went we talked and i told him about my failed relationship, he said he wants us to continue the relationship but i told him i wanted something serious and not what we once had he agreed, i asked of his girlfriend he said he has broken up with her. 
Things were going great we were both or i was deeply in love with him, one day i just decided to check his Facebook wall and i saw that he has been begging the ex using her pictures as profile picture, asking friends to beg her for him, i didn't confront him about it bt kept calm, he used my phone to log into fb but forgot to log out, i went through his messages and saw that the girl is a single mom and he is begging her to forgive him, i confronted him about it and he said he has forgotten about her because she didnt forgive him and he wanted us to build the relationship i obliged but still had doubts. 

A month later i found out i was pregnant and told him, he said what do i want i said abortion because he was still in school and i just finished learning catering no job yet, he agreed i bought some drugs because he said he doesnt have money for d&c but the drugs didnt work, he told me after his dad's burial he would give me the money i agreed, he couldnt buy me the burial clothes because  he didnt have the money, on the day of the burial i saw that he and his ex were wearing the same clothes i was angry that i left there crying when i got home i nearly commited suicide with drugs and alchohol, when he returned from the burial he was angry with me cus i insulted him in anger, he gave me just N2000 to take care of the pregnancy and left for school,i cried and hated myself, i was already back in my parents place and the pregnancy was 13 weeks gone, my mom later found out she said i should abort it while my dad said i should keep it, when they called my boyfriend he denied the pregnancy and i was nearly five months gone, we paid a midwife to induce labour cus i was told that d&c was dangerous, the inducement didn't work, we had to get his uncle and cousins involved and he agreed on the condition that a DNA test be carried out on the baby and i agreed. 
All through the pregnancy he said i wanted to trap him with it and he will not marry me, i endured everything and my parents helped me, he did an introduction before he left for sch, two weeks later i delivered a baby boy and fortunately he didn't have any defects despite all my medications to abort him.

January this year that's  three months after i delivered he came and apologised for everything he has done that i should forgive and forget.  
I forgave him because i still loved him. Some weeks later i just checked his whatsapp messages and found out that he was having problems with the girl and has been begging her again, i was devastated and decided to talk with the girl since he is lying, on easter Sunday, I sent her a message via Facebook and told her everything, she was shocked and had to call his mom to confirm cause he still denied when he asked her, he asked if i was the one that told her,  i said yes and he was angry, he said he loves her, would marry her and can't leave her because of me 
I was prepared for the worst and just concentrated on my son. Last week he said he wanted to see his son i went to see him, he started begging me, he was sorry, he doesn't wants his kids to have different moms, he loves me, i told him its over he said i should go and think about it. I dont want to go back to him because i am fed up i just want you guys to tell me if i am taking the right decision and was i right in talking with the girl? 
Because he said she fainted twice and his family including his mom had to beg her before she forgave him, my son is eight months old but he last gave me up keep money when he was just four months. Thanks ma and sorry for the long write up. 

Dear sender, 
I know this must have been a difficult time for you especially as you never prepared yourself for it but I thank God who has sustained you through it all. 
The pains of betrayal, the struggles of catering for your child and your fears about the future of the relationship must have changed a lot about your perception of love and life. 
These are the pains most ladies go through when they expose themselves to pre-marital sex. 
I do not know if your decisions were the best but I can tell they helped you to manage your challenges effectively. 
The moment you saw some of his messages on facebook where he was apologising to his ex was the best opportunity to leave him but I guess you had better plans clearly not what you are currently going through. 
If the single mum you were talking about be the same lady that fainted, then you can only imagine what living with your boyfriend would look like with his two children. 
I feel that you are actually hanging out with a contemporary confused man who sincerely doesn't know what responsibility means nor does he care about his very own child. 
If he rarely provides for his son, what do you think the situation would be when you move in with him? 
If he is still apologising to his ex even after you gave birth to his child, what makes you feel that he won't go out to tell other ladies the same lies he told you. 
Of course this time, friends with benefits won't favour you as you may have to rely on your parents to benefit with him. 
I am only pointing out these to help you in making the very best decision on what is best for you and your son in times like these. 
That you had a baby for him doesn't in any way mean that you will end up with him. 
So please remember your happiness, safety and peace of mind is more important than a marrying a partner who is out to make your life miserable for you. 
All the best. 

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