Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Confused? Read This!

Dear women, I want to tell you the truth I know in God; nothing but the truth. It hurts to see women whose hearts are bleeding because of some heartless men somewhere who don't remember that they came from a woman.

Marriage is one great, sacred institution that will either make or mar you. Many women were whole before they got into marriage, but they are now in pieces. A lot of women are bleeding and confused and like my friend said, they are merely existing and not living. Many parents have lost their lives because of pain they see their daughters go through in their homes.

It is always worse when the woman is from a poor background with no one to stand against the man. A good number of women in abusive marriages are there because they can't see a future without the beast; they simply can’t imagine life without the goodies from the man. Some women have called me to narrate their ordeal and from their stories, you can see women that are close to the grave. But one thing I have found out is that they think more of how to survive outside marriage. 

Life is what you make out of it. If you get separated and instead of being focused, you decide to party and club with some terrible friends, it’s your life my dear. But to allow yourself go down the grave when your children need you is what I find confusing. The woman gets to the point where she is even afraid of letting people know she is dying. What do you think is one of the reasons we regularly see obituaries of very young women on pages of newspapers? Domestic violence and emotional abuse/ psychological torture are part of the reasons; they kill faster than cancer. 

Our culture and religion has put it in such a way that women are made to remain in marriage because of what the society will think of them or because the church will strip them of all the titles and make them second class citizens or because they must be there for the children. Remember; he who fights and run lives to fight another day. 

I know there are many evil and wicked women who are not ready to have peace in their homes, but there are also a good number of them who are godly and virtuous. I have even realized that more often than not, good and godly women go through more pain in marriage. I once asked this question in a forum on Facebook and the answers I got are quite interesting. A good number of people concluded that good men and women go through problems because people will always try to take advantage of others who are nice and peaceful. A wife beater knows who to raise his hands on; wife beaters are cowards. 

We read and see cases of women murdered by their own husbands. The stories of Titi Arowolo and Ogochukwu are not strange to us. I even heard that Titi tried to leave the marriage at different times knowing what she was going through, but as usual, she was advised to hang in there. Now Titi is gone and for those special advisers who believed she must remain there, I have the following questions to ask; where is Titi? What is happening to her motherless child now? Titi died in bitterness; what is her place in that eternity you are talking about? She is gone and the daughter is childless and I am sure none of the miserable comforters will ever ask after  and take care of the motherless child. Where is Ogochukwu? What is happening to her motherless children?

The funny thing here is that people will always try to follow the crowd when it comes to advising others who are not related to them, but by the time it comes to them, they do otherwise. A pastor insists on a young choir member forfeiting her studies and exams for choir practice, but when it is his daughter’s turn, she is asked not to attend bible study; she must read her books. A clergy tells a young woman in an abusive relationship to remain there because it is for better or worse, but when it is his daughter’s turn, he goes himself to take her away. God is watching.

Women lost their lives all in a bid to stay in there for their children. Did you get married just for the children? And what happens when you die out of heartbreak and the beating leaving those children motherless? They will grow up with the memory of your pain and death. For those of you believing it is always better staying together for the sake of the children and killing yourselves, in my career as a counselor, I have come to realize that children in troubled marriages turn out worse than children from a single mother or father.

As a matter of fact, when a woman is single, godly, and responsible, the children become like her and live their lives wanting to be as responsible and strong as their mother. Yes, if not managed properly, the kids get affected, but recently, a girl told me she is afraid of marriage after seeing all that her mother went through in the hands of her father. Also know that when boys grow up to see their father always beat their mother, there is every tendency for them to become abusive and bitter all through their lives. Dear "Mr. Tyson", as you beat your wife, have it at the back of your mind that you are destroying generations.

Marriage is a very beautiful experience that makes you live longer only when you are in it with your friend. I advise women to stay back, stand, and face those battles for their home, but not when it has to do with your life. We all remember the story of the Nigeria Immigration Service female officer. She was asked by friends and family to return to her husband after years of separation for the sake of her son; she returned and was murdered by the man just one week later. 

Women, never leave your home for another. Do all in your power to keep your home . If the man is one of those men who want their women to stay jobless against their wish, it’s a very shameful thing for him to do and I pray he realizes early that you are an individual who must live to fulfil your own destiny on earth. You can tolerate those things you are uncomfortable with; reach a compromise. But I beg you in God's name,  never let anyone convince you to stay in an abusive relationship. Once the man comes with domestic violence, please run for your dear life; your children will prefer having you alive and divorced than having their mother dead. 

And often times, we use this “what God has joined together...” to talk people to their early grave. My question is this: How many people did God actually join together? Don’t you think we are more often joined together by forces outside of God? We are joined together by pastors who arrange things for us because we are dedicated in church. We are joined together by the amount of money he has in his pocket. We are joined together by families who believe we are their money making object and so we should be given out in marriage to a very rich guy. Are we not joined together by the beauty of that very young girl? A teenage woman is pushed into marriage by her family immediately after high school. This very girl knows nothing called love, she wasn't ready for marriage but she did it because she's not allowed by her culture to say no. Then she goes into the marriage and life is hell for her. Who joined them together? Do you think God will hold her responsible should the marriage come to an end? The God I know isn't wicked and He has given each of us the power of choice. 

This is not to say I support divorce because I know that religious (not godly) people are going to crucify me for this. I don't support, but once violence comes in, I support divorce. Hey; like every other sin you commit, God hates divorce but not the divorced. But I want to let you know that once a man starts hitting you, love is far gone. I don’t care if he cries and buys you a brand new diamond handbag after that, a day will come when he will hit you and there will be no breath left in you to accept the diamond. And for you young girl who is in a relationship with one of them, it’s either you end it now before the “I do” or shut up when you see it later on in life.

This is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; if anyone has something contradictory, he or she should put the daughter or sister in a physically abusive relationship. 


  1. Thanks so much for this ma. God will continue to bless you.

  2. God bless you for this beautiful piece. You've spoken the whole truth. I pray they open their eyes and mind to this truth

  3. Thanks so much ma for dis piece am actually a living witness..

    I lost a tooth from a slap I got from a guy I called boyfriend . I had to flee not run..
    Do hope others will appreciate this piece cos its notin Buh d truth.
    God bless u ma.

  4. Jehovah will keep blessing you for saying the truth Amen


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)