Friday, July 3, 2015

Am I wrong to have slept with another man?

Aunty please be patient with me and read to the end.
Am 38 and my hubby is 41. We are nine years in marriage with 3 kids.
In these nine years of marriage, I have not made love with my hubby upto ten times.
We only meet when I want to take in. I noticed this when we were dating , I askd him why he doesn't touch me as young guy does with their babes and he said it's because of my faith in church, he wanted me to be receiving my communion and to avoid abortions too but that when we are married, it will definitely be different.
We got married and its the same. I have asked him, knelt down, begged for him to tell me if he has a problem or if I offended him and he said I did nothing.
I endured and prayed and no changes so I told his people and mine nd they asked him, and he said if he's not in the country, won't I endure, that he's not happy with himself cos he has not made enough money as a man.
There was nothing like hug, kiss,sex but small conversation when necessary. He goes out in the morning and comes back from 11pm with no call to know how we are or even tell me his whereabouts and he's a civil servant that is supposed to close by 4pm.
Recently, I got an SMS from him and after reading it, I concluded it was not for me cos he started it with my love and he has never called me one.
I confronted him and he said it's for me that his friend was reading what he wanted to send to me and told him it was dry and helped him to type that one but I didn't believe him because the content was out of anything I have ever discussed with him even his people that read it comfirmd he was lying.
It's five years now we have not slept together and am tired of complaining to pple and decided to sleep with another man and even planning to leave him but cos of my kids and the society but am really fed up cos five years is not here at all.
I fogot to tell you am very very pretty, neat,cooks very well and prayerful too.
I support him with house rent, school fees and feeding money. Infact we share all the expenses. Please advice your sister cos am dying slowly inside and have been declared hypertensive now. Have never told my friends but decided to open up to one who directd me to you.
Please am I really wrong to have slept with another man?
Dear sender,
A marriage with no sexual intimacy is only but an emotional,mental and spiritual torture better imagined than experienced.
I could imagine how lonely, bitter and terrible your night has been.
Longing for the one you got married to but meeting a cold bed and a horrible night.
I must say that given the circumstances you found yourself in, you are vulnerable to any form of temptations which was why you found yourself in the arms of another man.
However taking that measures wouldn't be beneficial to your children nor would it restore your marital woes.
Nobody will understand your pains but all will condemn you for your decision.
But in all these, you have three children to consider, their happiness, their future and their success is dependent on your decision.
I may not have the best counsel to give nor the best words to encourage your heart but please if it is possible and within your power do not forsake your children.
It may be a painful sacrifices to pay for the comfort of your family.
Do not forget your identity even in turbulent times as yours.
Please do not do something which you would regret later in life. If you cannot endure then consider other legal options available to you but in all things please maintain your integrity and sincerity of heart.
I know you are praying for him but please do not relent in interceding for him.
You are truly beautiful to have endured both the infidelity and the pains of no intimacy for five years.
You have invested in your family and have displayed the virtues of a woman who truly honours and supports her husband.
I encourage you to be encouraged by the word of God and always remember that God will reward you for your faithfulness, painful sacrifices and commitment to your family and children.
It is well with you even in times like this and I pray that heaven will intervene on your behalf and restore your husband to you in due time.


  1. You have really endured for a long time, but I think you should've gotten a divorce from him before sleeping with another man...and you have to stop living your life thinking of what the society will say, if your marriage is not working, do yourself a favor and leave the marriage, enough of this society this; society that...This is why a lot of African women and enduring in their marriages instead of enjoying it, because they are worried of what the society will say...On the contrary there is a possibility that your husband is a gay that is hiding in his closet, so he just got married to you to hide his sexuality, cos I don't see any reason why a man will not sleep with his wife for 5 years, that is insanity, I have said my piece the rest is your decision to make. #enoughsaid

    1. Exactly, I wanted to say that, he might be gay!

    2. Exactly, I wanted to say that, he might be gay!

  2. I sense your husband is a gay. He got married to you to cover his original person.

  3. You've brought more pains to your situation than relief because of adultery. I empathize with you given the marital imbalances you have experienced but sleeping with another man while you're still married is a point that melted my heart. Even your children will be ashamed of you if they get to know it. Your husband has failed and you have failed. It is upto both of you to decide whether the marriage should be salvaged. Giving counsel on marriage is one thing that everybody should be very careful in order not to incur the wrath of God because He has given His verdict-let no man put asunder. I will advise that you go to your husband in humility and tears; and ask him what it will take for both of you to salvage the marriage. I don't know the content of your prayers but the scripture says confess your sin to one another. I think that's what you need to do know. You can make specific statements to your husband on what God expects of both of you in marriage and that God shall hold both of you responsible for the marriage. Keep people away from this and build a wall against them. It's all about you and your marriage.

  4. My dear instead of sleeping around.Quit that marriage and remarry.You can still get a man who will love you irrespective of you having thos kids.You are still young and can't continue like this,No matter how you endure you must be tempted to do something drastic out of frustration.Continue to pray about it and ask God to direct you.

  5. I think he is gay, if that is the case then he cannot change. But remember as a Christian once you're married you cannot divorce only death can automatically divorce you guys. Moreover you have committed a very big sin by making LOVE with another man who isn't your husband pray for forgiveness. #Ella


  7. Your husband is a gay,i have a friend like that but his wife latter divorced him.


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