Sunday, July 26, 2015

He shouts at me!

Good evening aunty Amara. I want to commend you for your good work. 
Am in a relationship not up to six months to be married next year and my boyfriend makes me cry when we argue. He says things like I should try to get my facts straight before arguing, you are stubborn, you read something, and interpret another, when old people are talking keep quiet( he is 30 am 23) ,.
It makes me feel like I never say anything or do anything right and it hurts so much. 
He shouts at me a lot when I do what am not supposed to do and sometimes I shout back. I don't like it when people shout at me, it makes me feel stupid. 
He says he loves me, but am confused. I just think if he loves me he won't hurt me with words like he does. 
Does he really love me? And what attitude should I adopt to avoid getting hurt during argument? 
What should I do when he is shouting ? Pls notify me when my reply is ready. THANKS.

Dear sender,
Do you know that shouting is a psychological abuse?
Do you know that when a partner makes you feel like an invalid, suppresses you and intimidates you with age, affluence or possession, you are prone to have depression and with time may lose your self esteem?
Do you know that a partner who tortures one emotionally may be violent if given the opportunity?
I'm asking because you may not understand what you were experiencing when he made you feel like crying and shouting back.
He may love you but his attitude to you? Not the very best for individuals who appreciate and respect each other.
This is where you need to sit him down and pour your heart to him.
You have a right to expressing your views no matter how foolish they may seem and you need a friend who loves you well enough to understand you, correct you with love, encourage you to always speak out and respects your views without comparing you with your age.
You need a friend who will not judge you and condemn you at every discussion or arguments.
Whenever you discuss with him, simply listen and smile along with him.
Do not offer your opinion so that he can have a field day.
When he shouts at you, simply remember that he's unstable at that moment so do not shout back to him instead give him some space and express yourself when he's done.
Marriage is pretty much far away so get to know the man in him so that you can decide if you can cope with him or not.
I mean the first six months ought to be the excited phase of a relationship so with so much argument and shouting, I'm thinking where would these lead you two to?
Like I said, you cannot grow with an partner who shuts your emotions down and makes you feel miserable.
So the earlier you discuss this with him, the best for you and your relationship.


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