Friday, July 17, 2015

What's the reason for her attitude?

Aunty Amara good morning ma, I really thank you for the different ways you have been imparting in the lives of people, may God bless you richly. Amen. 
Anty, please I have issues that are bothering me in my relationship and I need your advice and that of your fans.

There is this lady am currently dating. We finished from same school, though I asked her out during our school days but she didn't accept and I later discovered she was in a relationship. We reconnected this year and we have been in a serious relationship since March. All through the period we were dating I was away(At work, offshore) until June when we finally met. We spent some useful time together(I spent a week and few days with her and we made love in the process). Few days after I left her house I discovered I shouted at her at every slightest opportunity and I believed it was due to the fact that my job comes off and on( Contract job ) and I was not just happy with it , so I guess I was transferring aggression and It was weighing her down. I later apologized to her and told her why I was behaving that way cos I discovered she reduced her call rate and was putting up attitudes. She told me she had forgiven and also apologized for her misbehaviors.

Now what borders me is that she has stopped doing and saying some sweet things which she used to say each time we communicate on phone and each time I ask her why she says" nothing" or " Its a thing of the mind" . Note: I had apologized and have stopped shouting or transferring aggression cos I love her and would love to spend the rest of my life with her so, am learning to control my speech, my anger, increase my tolerance level and study her as much as I can. 
Am planning settling down with her next year by God's grace and each time I bring up the idea of taking her to see my parents( Just for them to know who I intend getting married to) she tells me she is scared. There was even I day I used her picture as my DP on whatsapp but she said I should not have done that yet, that what if in the future I tell her its not going to work or my parents sees her and says I can't marry her? . I asked her why she would allow her past relationship affect her present relationship( Her ex's mum hated her all a sudden and asked her son not to marry her).

I told a friend and he said she is putting up attitudes cos we both have seen our nakedness and he said that was why I was also shouting at her then. I called her few days back and told her we should embark on a week fasting, asking God for forgiveness for our act of fornication and quit sex until after marriage and she accepted. My question is could that be the reason for the attitude she is putting up or could it be that she is seeing someone else cos the manner in which she got angry at me when I uploaded her pics surprised me. Or is she not the right person for me? Sorry for the long right up and the little errors

Dear sender, 
I was careful to read her response and convincingly I can tell you that she is simply afraid of losing you in the process. 
The truth is, after having sex with her, you seemed not to see that perfect, innocent, beautiful lady who you so much love and cherish in her anymore but a lady who you have conquered and now have the privilege to boast of knowing all about her. 
Not that your job was a contract job but that the relationship may as well be a contract relationship. 
Aren't you surprised how you now feel and think she may not be the one after sleeping with her but she was the one you couldn't work without hearing her voice? 
I may not have much to say but please do not hurt the heart that love you by giving excuses that are simply immaterial. 
She crave for that assurance, that love, that convinction, that trust that selfless sacrifices and that vision you shared with her. 
She's asking herself, now that you have seen her beginning and her below, won't you give her excuses someday in life? 
She's asking, won't you listen to your friends, enemies and your mum's advice and leave her for another lady? 
She is aware that some men are after her body while some are after her happiness and she's asking, which really are you after? 
And I may as well ask you, which are you after? 
Do well to let her know. 
If she has given you her all out of love, what will you give to her to assure her of your love for her. 
It's awesome that you chose to repent from your mistakes but please do not give her cold feet by thinking she's seeing another person. 
All the best. 


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  2. Once sex is introduced in a relationship,the dynamics changes.
    (I think this will also help)


    Many singles look to sex to fill the void and make themselves feel loved. But sex isn’t the answer to feeling unloved. Sex outside of marriage only complicates the problems we already have. Let’s look at some of the problems:

    (1) Those who have sex before marriage are more likely to divorce. According to one study they have a 53 to 71% higher divorce rate.
    (2) Those who engage in sex before marriage are more likely to break up.
    (3) Those who engage in sex before marriage are more likely to experience extra marital affairs.
    (4) Those who engage in sex before marriage experience a devastating blow to their self worth. Many sacrifice their self-worth at the altar of sex and get nothing in return. The answer to such problems can be found in a life committed to Jesus.

    (Culled from the article,'6 Stupid Things Singles Do To Mess Up Their Lives',excerpted from the book,'Smart Love–A Field Guide for Single Adults', both by Nancy L. Van Pelt) ‪#Quick‬Downloads™101


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