Sunday, August 2, 2015

He's unaware of her status!

Hi Aunty Amara,good afternoon to you and AVL readers.
Please ma I need your advice and suggestions on a very important matter.I have this friend of mine who was my room mate and best friend right from the University.
We confided in each other in almost every situation.This lady is 25 years old now and was diagonized with HIV during our final year.
I  didn't know how it happened because she was among the best ladies I know that never lived wayward life.
She never had a boyfriend and was disvirgined by an old friend who came back from Thailand and promised to marry her.
After the incident the guy travelled back and she never heard from him again.
She started her medications and was living a normal life. We graduated together and that was when suitors started coming .
She was soo worried because of her HIV status but later ended up marrying a guy who was also based abroad and didn't request for HIV test even when she told him that they had to run it.
Everything was rushed including the white wedding.The man she got married to often refused to go for test with her anytime she mentioned it.
She is currently expecting her second baby after giving birth to a healthy baby boy who was HIV negative.
But she is still living in grieve and sorrows because the man that loves and cares for her a lot is unaware of her HIV status.
Please what will she do,he loves her but he is a very strict man.
We don't know what the outcome will be if she tells him now and he also rejects the idea of going with her to run the test each time she tells him.
Please we are confused on what to do because even her family does not know of her predicament.
Should she go ahead and tell the man and risk the marriage.
Please she needs your kind suggestions.
Thanks and God bless you all.

Dear sender, 
Your mail was like that of a lady who got married not knowing her status and just as she went for her pregnancy test stumbled on the reality she was unaware of and bam she was clueless about how to go about telling her husband what the doctor saw in her blood. 
But dear, that wasn't the case here and in all sincerity this lady knew her status and was taking her medication. 
She knew the implications and the importance of letting others know her status but decided to hide under "let's go and do test"  so as to pretend that she doesn't know her status. 
Please what stopped her from screaming the second day the man came for her hands in marriage, I AM HIV POSITIVE! Or could  anything have changed? 
I feel that she decided to hide the information from him and the implications is that her husband may be positive and he's not on medication just as she was and I feel that's selfish of her to do so. 
How she contracted HIV is immaterial but how she conducts her life matter a whole lot. 
Truth is an open book, easy to understand and best for all, you need no explanation to defend the truth. 
I don't know how best for her to go about it. 
But what if that man was your brother or your friend or your relative or someone you care about, what would be the best thing for her to do? 
I know that she so much love her marriage but keeping a secret of that magnitude from him is sincerely wicked not because it's HIV. 
In fact hepatitis is more deadlier than HIV not to mention ebola. But because if there's anything this man ought to do to protect or prevent the virus from spreading in his blood, he wouldn't do it because he's clueless about his status or that of his wife. 
Please encourage her to tell his husband her status and not persuade him to go for test. 
It may crumble the marriage and it may strengthen their marriage but the truth is worth every risk if she wishes to live with a good conscience towards others. 
I know it may be difficult at the moment but once she put to bed, she should tell him her HIV status and apologise for keeping it away from him. 
She may also get the support of anyone who her husband respects and would listen to and plead for support. 
Her family doctor or nurse who will explain options available for him and his family would greatly help to minimise the impact of the information to him. 
He deserves the truth. 
All the best to her. 


  1. In my work place,I have seen some men who are HIV negative and know their wife is positive and still stands by her and supports her,they now ensure she takes her medications regularly n practise timed intercourse. I wonder how your friend can live with such deadly secret.its better she lets the man know her status,if the man leaves the marriage,it's still ok,cos the marriage is based on deceit.

  2. Thailand is a hub of sexual infections. She probably got it from the Thai guy

  3. not telling this man of her HIV status is a crime punishable by law but now the deed is done, she must tell the man of her status so he can check his status which there is an 80% chance that he is not positive but she should prepare herself for whatever happen because nothing can justify her act. it is wrong and is like building a relationship on lies


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