Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I don't give my hubby sex.

Happy sunday Aunty Amara my role model, ladies and gentlemen.
Amara please I need your advice and that of your friends too.
This is my first time of seeking advice on social media and I do believe I will get what I want here,thanks....
I married my husband when I was 18 years in my S.S.3,honestly i didn't like his physical look that time,but my mother has accepted him,that I should marry him.
We did not do friendship nor courtship. I didn't go to his village nor the place he lived.
All I knew was that he was our church memeber,in my church doctrine you will not date nor go to his house till the wedding night.
My brother told me not to marry, that i should finished my WAEC and further my education,but being that he was far,out of country, we only spoke on the phone then.
I dont have anybody except my mother. I have siblings but they were far and phone was not rampant then..
In fact I don't know what was love,all I knew was that people were getting married.
I married the wrong man out of my wishes,my hubby don't care about me nor our 5 kids.
I am the one that cater for them.
Thank God I started working immediately I had two kids for him till now.
I do thank my senior brother that supported me through my NCE.
My hubby was not my dream man,he always come close to me when he need sex,we will stay like a month without talking but immediately he needs sex he will come to me and I will reject him.
I will not allow him to touch me,I don't give my hubby sex.
I know many will say that it is not good but being a woman,your husband doesn't care about you,in everything oo,he can't even give you his money,except for cooking.
We lived in silence or like cat and dog,but when he need sex he will sneak or bang on you,and I will deny him for that.
Please am I making mistake for not giving him sex,ok he wanted to travel to village,yesterday he didn't inform me but he do discuss with his kids and I heard it through my kids and early morning he sneaked into my bed to have sex as usual but I refused because I was hurt,he didn't apologise oo,but he left the room prepared and left house.
Honestly,I am tired of this marriage but i do endure because of my kids.
What my hubby need from me is sex nothing more,and i don't grant him that because i do hurt all the time,even when am ill,he doesn't care.
(please Note):
He is not a womanizer,I can count on him in that area. He don't have anything to do with women because he is a born again christian.
Please advise me on what to do so that i will enjoy and live in peace in my home,because of my kids,I know the mistake has already been made.
Please advice a sister thanks.

Dear sender, 
I understand that you married without understanding of what marriage was and I know that you haven't had it all rosy in your marriage. 
Catering for the welfare of your children and that of yourself can be simply a huge responsibility for you. 
But denying your husband sex for whatsoever reasons you may have is sincerely selfish, wicked and callous. 
I know you do not expect him to reward you with such act and you do not hope to see another woman take your place in your home. 
He provides for his family in his own capacity and discusses with his children. 
He doesn't womanise just as you attested to and he doesn't physically abuse you as his wife. 
I sincerely felt that you shouldn't have denied him sex simply because he doesn't care as much as you desire. 
If for any reason, you wish to address the issues in your marriage and he refused to listen to your views and opinions, then the best would have been to report him to either your church, or a counsellor or your family who would sit him down and have some word with him but not to deny him his conjugal rights. 
It hurts sincerely and crushes the ego of anyone to be rejected by the one you loved and the one who you got married to. 
Please make amends to that effect and do not deny your husband sex. 
Adopt a good family planning to help you keep in check to avoid giving birth to many more children. 
With your five children, you should have been able to know your husband much more than I do and how best to get him to listen to you. 
You should know what he loves and appreciates as a man and when you are in a difficulty, you should know who to contact to talk to him that is if all your efforts doesn't yield fruitful results. 
Learn to respect and appreciate your husband irrespective of the fact that you don't love his skin, please love his heart and personality. 
You may not have married the man you desired but you are living with your own husband. 
Appreciate him for what he's doing well and remind him of what he needs to do to help you take good care of the family. 
Listen to his opinion and do not nag at him for all he said. 
He's your husband before God and the way you relate with him matters much more to God than anything else you do in life. 
Communicate with all courtesy and do not share family information with friends or neighbours. 
Pray for your family and your husband and do not relent in giving your best to help your children stand out in life. 
This must have been a tough training ground for you and I commend your maturity and wisdom to support your husband in taking care of his children. 
Please do not incurr the wrath of God by denying your husband sex. 
It shouldn't be so as God never made it to be that way. 
All the best dear. 


  1. Madam, you married the wrong man, sorry ehn! The truth is you have to make the best of a bad situation, that you do not love him does not mean you should sin before God. The bible says it is a sin to deny your partner of sex. There are ways you go about things that will push your husband towards becoming a better man. Ever heard the saying "a hungry man is an angry man?" He is sexually hungry so you will never get the best out of him. I advice you start raping him, make the first moves, put your mind to accept him, his good and his bad and you will see a change. Good luck.

  2. Really sorry, Amara Van has said it all.


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