Saturday, August 1, 2015

I need help, I'm confused!

Good morning Ma
Thank you for everything you've been doing. I have a very important issue disturbing me. 
I'm a girl 24 years. 
But this issue is just beyond me. I had a boyfriend who I really cared about he's Yoruba while am Igbo. 
He's everything and I loved him just for who he is though sometimes he throws me off by chatting with girls online. 
I spoke to him about this he told me he was going to change.. 
But Ma it grew worse I couldn't bear the pain I walked out of the relationship.. 
Then I met an Igbo guy in his late 30's. He treated me like a woman, he introduced me to everyone in his family as his wife to be. I tried to find out what he does for a living cos we reside abroad. 
He lied and told me business (import and export) I believed him not until two months into our relationship I found out that he was not only into drugs but also scam. 
At that point I was lost because his mother loves me and the whole family treated me with respect. We're planning our wedding come next year but Ma am scared I know many can put up with that so far as it brings money but for me I can't stand that. 
I've pleaded with him to go back to school,  get a job and forget about that life. He will say am not his mum that I should respect him.. 
Ma my relationship is all about respect,ma opinion doesn't matter to him. I can't hang out with friends, he stopped me from going online I mean he put me in a position where I don't know if this was really me. 
True i was at fault for comparing him to my ex who was very educated and made money the right way. 
My ex wants me back and I still love him even when I was in another relationship. 
I don't know what to do. 
Having two men in your life that you care so much about.. 
They are both different both good and bad
My ex is not perfect I know he doesn't know how to treat a woman right and he finds it uneasy to stop chatting with girls online or my Igbo boyfriend who treats me like a lady but his way are not pure and also drinks a lot. 
I'm just confused please ma I need help I don't want to make a great mistake. 
Thank you and God bless

Dear sender, 
When two partners decide to get married, they marry their ideas, opinions, philosophy, attitude and personalities of the other person. 
If for any reason or for any purpose, you are not comfortable with any of these or any other thing, you don't need to pretend as though you are happy with him because that would be the fault line that may destroy the home later in life. 
You need to make your opinion known and respect his decision in life whether you are comfortable with it or not. 
You haven't gotten married to him and he's already choking you up with his laws lies and regulations, I am thinking how long you will be willing to put up with his attitude should you get married to him. 
Marriage is no romance, it's a reality journey, one with many bumps, painful rides and sometimes horrible experiences down the road and you do not wish to begin the journey with the wrong vehicle or a driver with no training. 
Even though he may know how to take good care of you, always remember that once you are married to him, you become one with him in all he does whether good or bad so you might as well take some time before deciding on what's best for you. 
I know that you may still have some feeling for your ex but I would rather suggest that you give yourself some time to enable you meditate and evaluate what you really need and who would help you become a better lady later in life. 
Please commit everything to God and open your heart to him so that he would reveal his purpose for your life, destiny and marriage. 
All the best dear. 


  1. Dear,I sense a lot of fear and desperation in your letter. What are you really afraid of? What is the worst that can possibly happen? What is it that you cannot handle?
    You speak as one who is not grounded,as one who is spiritually out of alignment,as one wh has no strong moral convictions about the things she believes are right. What could be undermining your moral strength? Have you been sleeping with him? You know you are with the wrong man,but yet you lack the resolve to stand up and just leave. You don't enter relationships to change people; you ONLY enter a relationship with a CHANGED PERSON,and go on to change the world. What matters most,is not really where our heart is,as our heart can be deceived. What matters most is: WHERE WILL ENSURE OUR FUTURE HAPPINESS? For your fears,get materials by Joseph Prince and binge on them. ‪#Quick‬Downloads™101


  2. Dear,let me talk to you as my own baby-sister(hope you know her,as I don't joke with her):

    1. As I said earlier,look beyond what your heart is doing today(it's just chemicals in your bloodstream reacting. They are not really to be trusted). Look for where your FUTURE HAPPINESS, SAFETY & SUCCESS will be guaranteed. And,judging from what your 2 guys have demonstrated so far,they cannot be trusted with such sacred assignments.
    2. Quit looking for the wrong things in a man. The average idiot out there can treat you like a lady,and even introduce you to the whole world if you want and he can,as long as it will help him achieve his evil plans for you. As my mentor would warn my sisters: EVERY WOMANIZER IS A NICE MAN. Treating a woman like a woman and being nice,are important and necessary,but they do not make a man; they only make him look beautiful. They are like they are like the icings on a cake - they are not the CAKE. When you meet a man,one of the FIRST things you should look out for,apart from a functional relationship with God,are his PURPOSE,CHARACTER,VALUES & IDEOLOGIES. And,if his does not agree with yours,shut down every possibility of a romantic relationship with him. Just be friends,and if he is criminal,keep him out of your life or keep yourself out of his life. These are the things that really define who he is,and what he will do to your life. But,what do I mean by these?
    1. PURPOSE: Has he found a reason for living? Has he discovered why he was born and are pursuing it? Is he committed to a cause higher than himself? Is he committed to the right cause....a cause that will not bring you harm? Does he have a sense of mission?
    2. CHARACTER: What's his commitment to doing what is right whether the circumstances are favourable or not?
    3. VALUES: What are the things that are most important to him? Does he value money more than people,more than integrity? Does he believe money is money no matter how it is made?


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)