Sunday, August 2, 2015

Men and Foreplay- 2

The article, Men and Foreplay-1 

was widely appreciated even by the clergy. However, I got comments from about two readers who felt/feel there was no point writing on that. Guys, there is no point coming up with that holier-than-thou attitude. Lives are being changed and marriages are getting better through this; now, that's what matters. 

Below is a mail I got from a female reader

"My Dear Amara,
I cannot express my appreciation.Your column is one my husband and I always look out for.You have changed everything about us and our relationship with each other. You can’t believe this Amara,our sex life just took a new positive turn after your last week’s articles on Men and Foreplay. We have been married for 15 years, it was 15 years of misery for me. But Amara, this one week has been something else. We are back into honeymoon. For the first time in marriage, I had real orgasm. My husband has suddenly become the best. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Barr.(Mrs) Balogun."

Some didn’t agree with me when I said everything and every style a woman
wants during sex should be adopted. I got a text from a guy asking if I support oral sex in marriage.Thank God you used the word,'in marriage'.There is no biblical evidence that it is sin for a husband and wife to express love for each other through oral sex. Even the book of Leviticus,which mentions many old testament sex-related prohibitions and rules never mentioned it.
God is the author of sex and love, and every part and sensation of the human body, and He intended the relationship between husband and wife to be sensuous, joyful, loving, creative, and full of pleasure. My holier-than-thou brethren,please read the Bible-Song of Solomon 2:3,4:16,and 8:2.

One of these readers went on to claim that oral sex was one of the reasons for the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. I would advise you read your Bible all over again. Go through the list of sins and find out if the sex lives of husbands and wives was one of the reasons for the destruction.

I can discourage people from engaging, constantly, in oral sex, possibly for health reasons even though its yet to be accepted by every medical practitioner. But for you to bring the Bible into this? I won't agree with you.

What the majority of men don’t seem to understand is that during foreplay the progress from kissing (don't forget many women, especially those with OCD, love dry kissing) to cuddling, to caressing the breast, nipples, and clitoris, is not only very exciting and pleasurable for a woman, it is absolutely necessary for a woman’s arousal, pleasure, and satisfaction.

Without good foreplay, a woman is not sexually aroused and is also not physiologically ready in terms of lubrication. But, worse, after intercourse she remains unsatisfied, resentful, and wide awake while her man turns over and goes to sleep. Is it any wonder that sex, instead of bringing healing to relationships, end up being a battleground, very often of unspoken hostilities, and becomes more and more uninteresting and infrequent. A couple can become embarrassingly out of step, and sex becomes something to be missed rather than looked forward to and sought after.

Some of the things women say about men indicate what they would like to see changed. ”I would like him to touch me all over a lot more-more foreplay, more heavy petting, more kissing everywhere,and more oral sex;” Endeavour to shower well, brush your mouth, and apply a good cologne before going into this.

There are pant-like candies sold in big supermarkets. Shower together with your woman, have the two of you wear these candies, and then gently eat them off each other’s body-you won’t feel like stopping *she winks*. Don’t let anyone condemn you, she is your wife, the wife of your youth, enjoy her.

Men should be sensual as well as sexual and many find it hard to spend time on purely pleasurable activities. Respond to your feelings by moving, breathing more heavily, or expressing pleasure verbally. Most women find a responsive man very exciting.

 Don't always feel that you have to be very successful at every sexual encounter; you will only find the occasional failure too hard to take. I have married men come to me for counseling trying to understand what is wrong with their sex lives. Some marriages get destroyed from the beginning because of no proper sex education. I won't go into this today, but I want you to know this: just the excitement of having that beautiful lady lie next to you can make you anxious. Just the thought of how to satisfy your new wife can make you experience quick ejaculation. Don't be too hard on yourself; don't call her 'demon possessed'; she has no spiritual husband my brother, it's just a phase. Also have it in mind that the moment you start living together as husband and wife who have common problems and challenges to face, things will change. This is why you have to look beyond the issue of sex when choosing a life partner.

You can never rule out the importance of exercise and good diet when it comes to the issue of sex. I have received messages from men who feel incomplete because they used to be good in bed when they were still courting their wives.The problem you are having is too much stress, lack of good exercise, and poor nutrition.
 I will advise you cut down on junks and refined foods. Let your wife get into the kitchen and give you the right food you need to be the real man she desires to have. Also help yourself by reducing your intake of alcohol. Get into the gym and workout with your fellow men and possibly, your wife.

A good number of men have the problem of premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation makes a man not to enjoy sexual intercourse with his partner because he does not have sufficient control over his reflexes. Sometimes, if he and his partner have an extended period of foreplay, he loses control and ejaculates even before penetrating her. Despite the fact that he reaches orgasm, it is not very pleasurable.

Men, we all know fantasize a lot during sex.Try to put away that picture of your ex, co-worker, or that movie star you always have before your mind during sex with your wife.These will go a long way in helping you not to ejaculate prematurely.

The squeeze technique is a procedure developed by Masters and Johnson to re-train the brain to control ejaculatory reflex.It can be done by either the man alone,or with his partner. If a man is able to delay ejaculation regularly, he becomes increasingly confident that he can successfully maintain a state of sexual arousal without having to have immediate orgasm.

Now,let your woman stimulate your penis until you have an erection.You will feel the urge to ejaculate but to stop this from happening, let her press the tip of your penis for a few seconds by placing her thumb on the frenulum, and her first and second fingers on the ridge of the glans on its upper side. Once your urge to ejaculate has gone, she should start caressing you again. This procedure can be kept for about 20 minutes until you decide you must have an orgasm. Make sure you empty your bladder before attempting this exercise.

Also note that orgasm is different from ejaculation.They are two separate processes and may, or may not occur at the same time. One can occur without the other. Orgasm involves the sudden pleasurable sensation and release of tension,which can occur on any part of the body. Orgasm is very helpful both to the man and the woman. It relieves you of unnecessary stress and helps to tone your body. Ejaculation on the other hand, involves the discharge of seminal fluid  from the penis. A man may ejaculate as a result of sexual stimulation but not experience the sensation of orgasm. Less frequently,a man may have orgasm but not ejaculate. Most men who experience multiple orgasm ejaculate only once.

Sex, should be enjoyed. I want you to stop seeing it as a duty to your wife, it is a pleasurable experience. Sex should be looked forward to and not dreaded by your wife. Don’t give your wife any reason to start having interest in your houseboy and driver. More than the money you choke her up with, more than the big business you set up for her, more than the trips overseas, she needs to be made to feel like a woman. 

Never forget this: If you want to have a heaven in your bedroom, you must create a heaven for her outside the bedroom. If you want her to satisfy you in the bedroom, you must keep her happy outside the bedroom. Try to reduce her level of stress and be the husband you should be. 

Men ask for sex to relax; women ask for sex when they are relaxed. 

1 comment:

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