Monday, August 24, 2015

My Wife Starves Me of Sex Update

Am the wife of the man who posted that his wife denied him sex for a year (Read Here). "Its not up to a year" 
Before we got married I was working,he proposed and I made it clear to him that I wouldn't want to be idle all in the name of marriage but he promised setting me up. 
I took upon myself more of his responsibility during our wedding and nobody heard about it (I did that cos I was financially stable). 
I left my state for his,got pregnant same month so I couldn't do anything as planned! 
My hubby is trying his best and I appreciate him for that but he doesn't know how to talk. 
Whenever we have any little issue,he will call me a LIABILITY ... 
I can't even take care of my mum as planned,sincerely am suffering and its killing me inside! 
My hubby is sooooo STINGY to the extent that whenever I need something I will have to talk and talk and talk until my saliva dries up! 
Because of his stinginess and lack of trust he decided to use his brother as his "NEXT OF KIN" am not forcing him to use me but what about his kids??? 
That means he doesn't value his family... I can go on and on and on cos I have a lot running through my mind but I have to stop here. 
For those who said am cheating please am not cos I don't know anybody here and he doesn't even want me to mingle "he has turned me into a prisoner" 
So AVLites please tell me,what will make a sad woman like me allow my hubby to have sex with me? (kini idunu mi)? 
Sex is supposed to be enjoyed by two but the urge is not there,am loosing my mind... 
In fact am frustrated,being idle for three years is not an easy thing!!!

I am glad that you considered it important to write me and pour your heart to me. 
No doubt that you were broken, worried and filled with tension with the way your husband managed the home and the plans you had for your family and that of your parents. 
Though you didn't tell me all that was in your mind, I can relate with the ones that you told me and I would be fair and honest with you. 
Marriage was ordained by God and we can only reap the fruits and benefits of a fulfilling marriage when we heed to God's command and purpose for considering humanity fit for the covenant of marriage. 
Let me begin with the obvious, you said that IT'S NOT UP TO A YEAR and what that has confirmed to me was that indeed you starved your own husband of Sexual Intimacy. 
Dearly beloved, no matter the changes or the challenges that marriage may bring into your life, starving your husband of sex was simply not good, Godly and the best approach to resolving any issues that you may have had with him. 
The moment he paid your dowry and you made a vow unto God to honour your husband with your body and all that belonged to you, I am sorry to say this, you had no reasons justifiable to deny your husband of sex. 
I am aware that all your plans were shattered the moment you got married to him and you couldn't do anything ever since you arrived at his house but starving him of sex was a sin before God. 
By that singular act, you exposed your husband's nakedness, made him vulnerable to all sorts of temptations and possible infections. You stripped your children of the protection, safety and welfare from their father. 
You gave him the license to divorce you or possibly get married to another lady who would fulfil his sexual need. 
I know that you never had such intentions but the moment you denied him of sex, you gave him reasons to doubt your commitment and trust in his leadership and made a ridicule of his personality. 
Please do make amends and never you make such mistake in your home. 
By having a sexual intimacy with your husband, you protect his destiny and have the greatest weapon to influence him to listen to your pleas and consider your needs. 
By giving him your body, you ward off any evil spirits or forces trying every possible means to destroy your home and also gives you the spiritual capacity to strengthen and support your husband to greatness. 
Whenever you have any issues or worries about some of his decisions and attitudes, please dialogue with him and where he's giving his best, please commend his efforts and celebrate with him. 
When you got married to him, you lost your place in your parent's house so that you could build your own home so supporting your husband is your first priority and your heritage in life,any other is secondary. 
I am not in any way suggesting that you shouldn't help your parents but please do not let your home suffer from your negligence. 
Give him counsels that would help him prosper and make good decisions, pray for him and celebrate him as your husband, the very head God has placed over your body. 
Any time you spend with your children and family is never a waste even if you are not working. 
Your greatest investment in life is the time and sacrifices you give to your family. 
This is the treasure that no money, or job can provide for you. Many desire to be a house wife with their children but they have none to call their own baby. 
In God's time, I believe that you will start working and earning some money to meet your needs and offset the pressure on your husband. 
You will win every battle as his wife by submitting than you would by starving or competing with him. 
I believe that God will help you to understand your position in his life and give you the grace to fulfil your ministry in His life. 

Dear husband, 
I know that you have good intentions for your family but I am broken to learn that the precious wife God has blessed you with is dying emotionally, spiritually and physically but you couldn't observe that nor did you care to find out why she's choking in your care. 
You may have genuine excuses or reasons to give but they are never good enough to replace your family and your wife in particular. 
You have a wife who is industrious, hard working, supportive and sacrificial and you tagged her "a LIABILITY" ?  
It was indeed insensitive to use such a word for your own wife. 
She spent hours preparing your meal, she gave in her life to raise your children, she gave her body to nurture your children and placed her life to the knives and at the point of death to bring heirs to your throne but the best way to appreciate her was to call her "a liability". 
I want to believe that what she said was lies because it was the worst word to ever use for your own wife. 
Ladies listen to every word that you say and her sexual hormones depends greatly on how much you are willing to appreciate her personality and her efforts. 
Please let this be the very last I would hear that you called her such a name. 
If you could use your brother as your next of kin over your children, what do you think would happen at your absence? 
I sometimes don't understand the reason why a man would desire to get married and at the same time strip his own wife and children of his blessing in their life. 
When last did you reveal your vision to your wife, when last did you seek for the counsel and suggestions of your liability wife and when last did you ask for her plans for the family? 
If your brother had your best interest in your life, then you shouldn't have brought another lady to frustrate her emotionally. 
Please do well to appreciate your wife, she's your body and bones, one that God has prepared to support and strengthen your ministry. 
She have needs which she need your support for, do find out what they are and agree with her on which you can do. 
Communicate your heart with her, I'm not saying that you must give her everything but let it be that she doesn't lack all that she need to serve you as her husband. 
She's not your liability but a blessing to you and your generation. 
I'm certain that you had great dates and times with her before you got married to her, please now is another opportunity to remind her that the lady you met some years ago is still the same lady you desire to spend the rest of your life with. 
Now that you know her fears and worries, please make out time to discuss with your wife, apologise to her for your insensitivity to her pains and worries. 
Please make amends where it's necessary and treat your wife as your companion and your treasure and do well to give due attention to your children and your wife. 
Make out time to take your family out and celebrate with them. 
I am hopeful that the excitement and beauty of your marriage shall be restored in Jesus name Amen.


  1. You have a very beautiful family and your wife is the bone of your bones, if you can not trust her i wonder why you married her, aside your wife and children no man or woman is allowed to be your next of kin, do u want them to be striped of their rights and benefit wen you are no more, you better have a rethink, because as a man, am ashamed of u that u could do such a thing.
    it high time u do what is right before its to late, and also take Amara'a advice because it will do u a million and one good. God bless you and your beautiful family.

  2. Thank God she is in this forum to defend herself else it would have been a one-sided judgement. But aunty Amara a woman's body is designed such that when she isn't happy she can't give in to sexual advances and i suppose that's what prompted her actions. Dear husband, make ur wife happy and u will have a beautiful and peaceful home

  3. I agree with you @chi-nwa. Who enjoys sex when they are bitter especially with a person who brings that bitterness to your soul? I pray for restoration and rekindling of their love trust and marriage

  4. Dear Amara, I have been reading your posts and have never commented on anything. But this has caught my attention and I thank God for the wisdom he has given you to counsel and advise this couple. To me, nothing my husband does to me will make me deny him his God given right which is sex. This is not to say he does not make me mad sometimes and I fight hard to resist the d temptation to deny him sex. It takes the fear of God not to deny ur spouse of sex cos we are human. But then sex is not meant to be a weapon for punishment or a reward either. It is a means of communication and a reminder of ur union. To d wife, how do u 'talk' to ur hubby? Do u nag? Cos they are both different things. To the husband, how do you see ur wife? Of course calling her a liability tells how u see her. Both of you should figure out the best way to communicate with each other of which I strongly believe the bedroom is the most effective way. Don't let d devil destroy this beautiful thing which I see in ur home. Broken things can become blessed things if and only if you let God do the mending. Forgive yourselves , start afresh and God will bless ur union and rekindle the fire of love in your home.


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