Sunday, September 6, 2015

He's Cheating ; I Believe!

Good day Ma
Please kindly advice.I think my husband is cheating on me.We got married late last year and I live and work in the south west region of Nigeria.
He doesn't live there, so I got a transfer to a city close to where he lives as my company do not have a branch in the city where he lives.I got pregnant immediately after our wedding and we visited each other.

I just put to bed In July,so I moved to the the city where my husband lives for my maternity leave as my mum and family lives there too.

I just noticed that my husband chats on bbm all the time and talks on the phone everyday with a particular lady.His blackberry phone is passworded and I don't know the password meanwhile he has the password to mine.
One day he was showing me something on Facebook and I took the phone from him but unknowingly to him I checked his BBM and saw he addresses a lady as my love and mummy.
I couldn't go through the content of the chat before he collected it from me.
A day after, I sat him down and asked him whom the person was and why he addressed the person as such and he said the person was just a friend to him and he addressed the person as such without attaching any meaning to it.I left it at that.

Days after,he was on the phone inside the room for a long time in the night and I started wondering who it could be.
As soon as I entered the room he became very uncomfortable and started pestering around and then left the room.
When eventually I asked him later whom the person was and why he was quite uncomfortable when I entered he said it's not a woman if that was what I'm thinking and that he wasn't uncomfortable.
He asked me to come and see the number but I refused.I later checked the number on his phone in his absence and found out it was an international number and a woman as I saw the text messages between them. He addressed her as mummy too.I also observed that they spoke about twice each day.

Two days ago, I saw that the lady called him around 4am in the morning and they spoke for long.We don't share the same room since I gave birth.I share a different room with my mum.
I confronted him, he denied receiving any call at that time,he said he only had missed calls. I took the phone from him and showed him his received calls and call duration.He couldn't say any tangible thing.
I asked if there's anything I need to know about this lady he speaks to and chats with everyday.
And also adresses as mummy and my love. He said the woman is just a friend.I was with his phone and he tried collecting the phone from me but I refused.
I told him that I wanted us to go through his chats with the woman together on his blackberry phone but he refused.
I flashed the lady's number with his other phone with me and the lady called back.I was carrying our baby and he came and started dragging the baby from me so I won't pick the call.
The baby almost fell off from my hand while he was dragging the phone.
He later started telling me that he's not doing anything and that he's sorry if he made me angry.That he will stop talking with her, delete her from her BBM.
That sometimes she only calls her to help her with something over here.Yet he refused to show me his chats with her or release his password.
Later in the day, he was charging his blackberry, I went there and seized the phone and have not relaeased it to him since then.
He's went down on his knee begging and telling me he doesn't want anything to come between us.
He said he has deleted her contact and messages but still refused to give me his password to check.
I strongly believe he's cheating but he's claiming he's not.
What do I do? Kindly advice.

I am sorry for the pains and the disappointments that you have experienced lately in your marriage. 
Sometimes these are better imagined than experienced as they most times leave you feeling dejected and frustrated in your marriage. 
I must be honest and fair with you, if he lies to defend himself, feels uncomfortable with you around him while talking with the lady, if he hides their chat with the lady, he's simply cheating on you. 
It's only a cheat that middles with lies and fallacy to impress your conscience and protect his evil and selfish act. 
How far he may have gone in this is what I cannot ascertain but I am suggesting that you thread with caution and wisdom. 
Infidelity is a monster that has the potential to crush down any home and reduce your sacrifices to nothing. 
Infidelity brings distrust, pains and humiliation to the other partner and exposes the children to hardship and unpleasant experiences. 
Whether you should deal with this is not an option for negotiation but the approach is what determines how effective and successful you can be in managing this unpleasant mess. 
In circumstances as this, I ask myself some questions, I he willing to repent from his forbidden lifestyle? 
Is he willing to commit himself to the marriage and communicate with all sincerity and honesty of heart? 
Is there anything I may be doing knowingly or unconsciously which may have negatively affected his affection and appreciation for me? 
Is there anything else I could do to improve on my marriage and on my intimacy with my husband? 
What other options are available for me to help me resolve this challenge and win my husband back to me? 
Honest answers to these and many other soul searching questions will greatly help you find workable approach to win your husband back to you. 
I may also add that if your working in a different state will bring strange women to your home, please discuss with your husband and do anything that is within your capacity and is convenient for your finances to bridge the gap between you and your husband. 
Most times I encourage that you don't confront him in such a manner that you empower your husband to continue with other strange women or expose yourself to the attacks of a strange woman. 
This is because for God to have made you his wife and companion, He has equipped you with all the virtues, wisdom and understanding that you need to conquer whatever it maybe that you are exposed to in your marriage. 
It's a difficult pill but not an impossible challenge for God. Please if it is possible and perfect for you, let go of his phone and make out time to discuss sincerely and genuinely with your husband. 
Let him know that you have the relationship that where he's heading with such an attitude is destruction and doom for his destiny. 
Let him know that you are praying for him and will never relent in supporting him but that he should know that every soul that breaks down God's ordained marriage, is inviting the wrath of God against her soul. 
Don't fight him, fight the demon that's raging to destroy your home and take your husband away from you. 
Pray for him and make make amends where it's needful. I am in anyway suggesting that you are not doing your best to make your marriage work but I am pleading that you do not give up on God who has called you for this. 
Forgive him and help him to overcome his areas of weakness so that he can give his heart to the marriage. 
There's nothing too hard for God to do and I know that God is with you on this and He shall fight for you. 
Please do not drag his phone over your baby, emmm it's sincerely not worth the life of your precious baby. 
Let's return to God and cry unto him until something positive happens to him. 
May God give you the grace to endure these pains and help you overcome this phase of your marriage. 

1 comment:

  1. If you know the freedom you feel when you are not cheating in a relationship or marriage you won't cheat. My wife can even stay with my phone for a year and I won't even break a sweat unlike when I was dating and had numerous gfs and had to constantly lie and delete messages.


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