Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Are They Still Dating?

Good day ma, my husband was in the kitchen frying yam, I just walked down to get some yam for my kids , I caught him receiving call in an hurry and telling the girlfriend that I will call you back please sorry.
When he saw me he was like confused I then asked him who was he speaking to,he smiled and said it was somebody else. I asked him twice who was that , he still said it was somebody else .
I then asked him to give me the phone let me see,He refused. I now voiced out that you think I don't know who you were speaking with? it is your ex girlfriend those days that he was in higher institution, and ma the girl in person is married and she had a son.
I then asked my husband what do you want from this lady, that she is Married, please leave her alone and face your marriage,my husband replied me and said he doesn't  have anything with the lady that the lady dropped out from school , that she is pleading with my husband to do fake result for her and my husband wanted to help her do it with his own money.
He said the ex doesn't have money and he said since they broke up over some years he has never set his eyes on the lady ma and it was my husband who was saying horrible things about that same ex girlfriend when we were dating before we got married.
He said if not for God he would have made the ex to be smelling in all men face.
Ma instead my husband to apologise to me he was still claiming right that did I force his mouth to tell me the truth, and keep quarreling with me saying one day I'll just use my leg to leave his home that is all this love or jealousy?
That I should leave him alone and stop putting eyes on him and yesterday that my mum called me at night he thought I was reporting the issue to my mum.
And it was something else we were discussing, I then replied my husband to know I didn't tell her anything that there was no third party in my marriage that they are not the one who found him for me.
Ma please advice me,  are they still dating? I'm tired of him and I have two kids.

I perfectly understand that you were angry and disappointed to hear your husband hush and rush his call in the manner he did and you had every right to suspect that something may not be right about that. 
However the manner in which you approached him may not have been the best option considering the fact that your children was there and there was every possibility that someone else may have heard your altercation which ought not to be so. 
When you suspect your partner of anything, be it infidelity, financial mismanagement or misunderstanding amongst each other, please do not attack your partner or discuss such issues in the presence of anyone else unless such a person be a counsellor. 
Get to the privacy of your closet where only you and your partner communicates and discuss such an issue. 
Always remember that for you to get him to open up to you, you need to respect his personality and communicate with him so that you don't make assumptions where there is none or accuse him of an action he may not have done. 
Whenever you observe things like that, please take your time and communicate with him so that you can get to the root of the matter. 
The painful reality is that your husband may have told you what you wanted to hear but in the actual sense may be doing something totally different from what you thought of him. 
Infidelity begins with some pockets of lies and deception and if not properly managed may escalate to some horrible attitude of negligence and quarrelling amongst couples. 
Open the line of communication with him and always discuss everything with him including your worries, fears, and concerns. 
Be patient with him and please do pray with him and for him. 
That you have two children doesn't mean that your sexual life should be buried or that your husband shouldn't be appreciated. 
Sometimes some men cheat as a result of boredom and pressure in their marriage so they want an escape route from the constant "Where are you coming from or going to? Who called you now or where did you get that? This has finished and I regret why I met you?" 
Reinvigorate the excitement and fun in your home and please make your enquiries without nagging him away from home. 
Continue to give your best in your marriage and forget about all he said about his ex or not. 
If he feels that is the best way to spend his money, it's up to him, all you need to do is to always present the bills of the home when it's due. 
Whether they are dating or not isn't what I can decipher with the available information within my reach but if as you said that she's married, then they may just be catching up with the "ex" life that they shared. 
I am hopeful that God will give you the wisdom and patience to manage his weaknesses and bring out the best in him. 

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