When I inquired, I was told her family does not like men from his side(Ijebu) so they did everything to see them not together. He left abroad back to Nigeria to prepare for her and her children to come back which she never did. It was after eleven years that I met him.
Three years later we did our traditional wedding and all his family members were in attendance and supported because they felt it was overdue.
He later found out she has divorced him. The registry came after my last baby. I did not meet him a rich man but I believed that with God and hard work tomorrow is sure!
When he was out of job and so many problems, I fought hard and he landed a good job and after about two years he informed me that she( former wife) got in touch with him.
So many rumors and gossips but I kept my head.
Trouble started when my mother in law died, my husband made aso ebi for two of us. I asked why? The excuse was that she had children for him. She did not come.
Since then whenever she is around he goes to visit her and I confronted him, he denied and swore not take her back but anytime she is celebrating in Nigeria, he always grace her occasions with his family in aso ebi.
There was an occasion we had a quarrel that he told me it was her mother that did not want them together but now she is dead (could not complete the sentence).
One day my elder sister in law surmoned me to announce that she must come back to her brother's house. I did not utter a word and I told him.
When all these were getting to me I left my former place of worship(I was to be ordained a minister) due to this issue and to minimise the gossip it will generate among other church members and workers.
By the finger of God this marriage is over twenty years and I have not met or been introduced to this woman by nobody and anytime I ask, he will say its not yet time.
I have given so much to this relationship. Each time I want to walk away my family will remind me how hard I have worked to help this man and my children.
By God's grace I have a good job and I work hard. I cannot pray nor concentrate.
Even when we are down on our knees and weak in our hearts, God is still there to help you find rest and peace of mind.
He will never give up until he has perfected that which he has destined for you since creation.
At this point in your marriage you don't need to identify with his ex wife not because you have anything against her but because your children needs you more now than ever before.
Strive for the development and prosperity of your children and give your heart to what you love and cherish.
Spend quality time with your husband and children but avoid anything that has to do with his ex wife and him.
Fact is that as long she had children for him, they will sometimes meet or discuss about their children and by so doing themselves.
Whatever it is they both share should not unsettle you rather it should challenge you secure the inheritance of your children.
It's a battle that you cannot fight because of the nature of their marriage and the kind of husband you have.
Pray for him and pray more for the grace to overcome this phase in your marriage without losing your integrity or identity.
If the discussion isn't about you, your children or the welfare of your home, keep that at bay and if possible ignore them.
Hand him over to God and leave the rest with him who knows his intentions more than you do.
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