I got married in 2011 to a lady I discovered after our white wedding was the ABUSIVE type. Ever since then I've tried tolerating her calling me useless man at every little altercation. I tolerate her jokes even the most expensive ones, but she doesn't tolerate mine. I call her sweet names to always make her feel good but she calls me my name.
Each time we have disputes I'm always the first to appologise even though she was the one at fault. This I do for the sake of peace but instead she calls me a weakling. Annoy her for a moment, she will starve you of food, sex and even communication for a month due to her UNFORGIVENESS.
Issues got worse when I lost my job in September 2012, towards the end of her NYSC. She suggested we move to our family house in the village pending when I recuperate. Which I agreed. It was a tumultuous period for me, such that I became a moving corpse.
In December 2012, she requested to travel to a place about 200km from my family house in search of job. Which she got. While I started a little business in my locality which was growing gradually.
After the dedication of our second child in March 2014, we had a little misunderstandin
After much calls and texts she refused to be consoled all she tells me is "all I need is a father to this two kids not a husband".
I visited her on 1st November 2014, she locked me out. I got to my base by 11pm. I've spoken with her family last year, they requested I give her time. This, which I've done.
She's incommunicado since May till date.
I visited her uncle now the new traditional ruler of her village last month, requesting they inform her to come and reconcile with my family before the year runs out, which I think she might ignore.
Please what do you suggest I do?
That a lady is pretty, educated, curvaceous, good in bed with a nice voice doesn't mean that she has all the qualities and virtues that a man needs to succeed in life.
In fact most men suffer in the hands of strange women simply because they went for what their eyes could behold, the boobs and buttocks but unfortunately they couldn't find peace and fulfilment in their marriage.
I know that you never bargained for what you are experiencing in the hands of your wife but the mistake you made was permitting her to go look for a job in a far distance from your sight.
I am aware that things wasn't rosy but instead of white collar job at the expense of your peace and comfort, she could have joined you to farm and live a modest life while you build up from the comfort of your village.
Her going to the city got her wild and who knows what her company and associates looks like which made her to lock you outside her house.
Obviously she was not mentally and emotionally prepared for marriage though she may have looked prepared to you based on her appearance.
Let's hope that her uncle will be able to talk some sense into her and help her reconsider her decision.
In addition to that, continue to press for some time to communicate with her and discuss about the marriage with her and the wellbeing of your children.
Though you didn't specify who is taking care of your children currently but please make sure that their needs are being taken good care of and please let your vision be to raise some funds to get an apartment for yourself and your family.
It will really help you to maximise your privacy and be able to take some decisions without having to consult others or depend on others.
No condition is permanent and no marriage is perfect but with patience, wisdom and understanding there is always a room for improvement in your marriage.
I know that things are not working the way you planned them but remain positive and focused on giving your possible best while exploring every other avenues to salvage your marriage.
Let's see what happens before the end of the year, whether she will ignore the invitation or be available for some dialogue with you.
Pray for your wife and your marriage, this is the time to get closer to God and allow him to direct your footsteps especially in this delicate moments of your life.
It may not be easy but it's never beyond God so please be encouraged and be hopeful that something positive can come out of this ugly circumstances.
I am praying for you and I am believing God that He shall restore love and unity in your marriage.
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