Sunday, October 4, 2015

I'm Not Convinced of His Intentions!

Good day Aunty Amara. I greatly appreciate the good work that God has been using you to do on this forum. 
I am a widow with four kids. After I lost my husband six years ago, I initially decided to remain single. But from 2014 I started having a mind change concerning that my initial decision as things has not been so easy for me alone. More especially for my faith I wanted to have a complete home again and continually prayed about it. 
I have had some proposal in the past but after careful study of those individual I discovered we were not compatible and I left. In my prayers I have always asked for a God fearing and matured man who will be like a father to my kids. 
In the month of March 2015, I met a young man from the same tribe with me... we became friends. I noticed he started calling me more often than usual. He started asking me about my family, I told him I had kids and that am a widow. He asked if I wanted to marry again... I told him Am praying concerning it. Barely a month that we met he started proposing but then I told him I needed to pray about it. 
I told my pastor about it and she joined me in prayer. The young man in question has been so good to my kids... He cares for them financially and morally. But after we concluded that prayer Aunty Amara.. I couldn't get any concrete answer. 
Subsequently my pastor told me that she had a revelation about his being engaged to another woman that I should ask him. Then I asked him and he told me that a lady had a child for him. 
Since that day I started losing interest because I felt he should have considered marrying that girl instead. But he kept telling me he never intended to marry her; that the girl told him she wanted to have a child at home for her mother because she is an only child and her father died early. So many other reasons he gave concerning the issue and how he cares for the girl even till date. 
I have thought about this issue severally and I can't understand why he should leave the one who already has an issue for him and cling on another woman with kids. Secondly the young man is younger in age; I needed a much older person. Despite the fact that he has been begging me that he wants to meet my family this yuletide.... 
I am not convinced to go on with him. Could it be that am judging him wrongly?

You can never be wrong with what you desire and wish to receive. This is what makes you unique and exceptional individual and that is commendable. 
However, life never gives us what we desire or yearn for most of the times, not because we don't deserve them but because we have the ability and capacity to recreate what we desire from what we have, this is the inherent power in humanity. 
Because marriage especially when you it involves your children is a lifetime journey with so many uncertainties, please make your own enquiries and research about the individual, his relationship status and his purpose for desiring to get married to you. 
Discuss about your children and every other thing with him before considering such an individual for marriage to avoid regrets later on in your marriage. 
If it took revelation for him to tell you the truth about his child with another woman, please how many other revelations will you receive to know about his personality, attitude, attributes, vision and passion in life? 
While I don't have anything against how old or young he is as you neither stated his age or yours in your mail, please endeavour to examine his emotional maturity and psychological stability before you start praying on his head. 
If you are not comfortable with his age or any other thing, sincerely let him know that and let him be with all humility of heart. 
If you desire to remarry, it's not a bad idea at all but please remember that your children will be affected directly or otherwise from your choices and decisions about marriage and their welfare. 
Please seek the face of God for grace, favour and wisdom to take care of your children and meet your needs without being a victim of your choices.
Take your time and don't give up on your efforts to help your children discover their identity and please do hold unto God who knows the desires of your heart and will always be there to meet your needs. 


  1. Dear poster...
    From my point of view, A young man would not prefer a widow to a young unmarried woman who has a child for him except he stands to gain something from you....Most times, they're after the property left behind by the widows husband and her money...
    Believe me, there are men who are seriously searching for established widows to marry cos they feel they won't have any form of stress in the union..They want to reap from another mans sweat...They want it already made...such men should be feared like HIV...
    My advise to you is simple...Ignore that guy and have your peace..His desperation and motives clearly shows that he is not a genuine guy.. Tell him to go back to his wife and live peacefully with her and his child...Encourage him to work hard and desist from finding a shortcut to doesn't pay..

  2. He has even revealed that he cares for her till date. He will have more children with her at her mother's house. Can you handle that?


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