Saturday, October 24, 2015

Not Sure What Life Holds for Me!

The story is very sensitive. Years ago I got married and we were blessed with a baby a year after although I had a baby eight years before my marriage. Two years into the marriage I discovered that my husband who is a man of God was busy chatting one lady who he had mentioned was his first love.. They had gone to the extent of talking about their past relationship even though the woman was married at the time. When I discovered he wrote to her and told her that they have to stop their talks that was in 2010.
In 2012 he became close to another lady they were serving with I did not become suspicious at all because the lady was married and he mentioned they wanted us to mentor them. This I found strange because my thought was their immediate beat* couple should have been walking with them.. They became too close which I did not understand until one day I came across a chat but he denied it.
Then soon after there were rumours in church about an affair with the girl but he denied until I got some truth and he later said he did not remember to tell me ..
This hurt me so much instead of him to apologize, he opted to defend the girl and support the lady. I stood alone, he went to the extent of beating me insulting me with insults that I am a stupid foolish woman.
Since he was denying I managed through the police force to obtain the phone numbers and to prove how long they were talking with this woman .
At times three hours a day while her own husband she would talk for fifteen minutes maximum a day. Even when I got this they denied it. I reported the matter to our spiritual authority and they were suspended.
My husband has been repulsive. I sleep in a different room because we were fighting so much in fact for a month I moved out. The brother came to try and help us settle but at one time he said he is not marrying again. I got so offended that I told him even me am tired and am not desperate we should divorce.
He claimed he is not divorcing but has never acted remorseful. The part that hurts is that this lady was my friend who I helped so much and that they could betray me like this. ... I am so devastated and at times I just feel like taking my son's and moving away. I discovered this in December and it has been hell for me this year, now my job is being threatened but I feel very angry.
I have prayed to forgive him but I have the flashbacks of what happened every time.
I have tried to talk, my husband comes in defence of the other woman...
Not sure anymore what life holds for me.

Look into the eyes of your precious son and you will discover that life holds a bright future, a beautiful hope and a fulfilling purpose for you and your family. 
Fighting infidelity is very difficult but fighting against every form or manner of deception is more difficult than many think. It takes a dead conscience for a man of God to be dating his members without any atom of regrets and respect for his family and his wife. 
It's obvious that you cannot tell who he is hanging out with today because of his many lies and manipulation but one thing I must encourage you to do is to look beyond his weaknesses and focus on giving your son the very best while praying that God will deliver him from the arms of strange women who have won his heart. 
It is more disturbing that as a man of God he finds attractions with the married women which makes me worry the kind of word that the congregation receive on a daily basis. 
He needs help and I know that your efforts will never be enough without God's grace and mercy. 
These are the kind of battles you hand over to God and allow him to do the rest for you and your family. 
Continue to respect him and pray for him regularly, do not in your anger fail to understand that God is with you in this battle nor should you consider cheating on him as an option to the challenge of your husband. 
I know that you may never forget all that he did to hurt you but you can forgive him if you genuinely desires to forgive him. 
Look unto the cross, you will see where our sin and wickedness was dealt with and it's power destroyed by God. 
When you look at the cross, you will find the expensive grace and mercy that God showered on you and I to give us a hope for eternity and fulfilment in life and eternity. 
Understanding that just like your husband we all have sinned against God and each other will help you find a place in your heart to show him mercy and have compassion for him. 
Forgiving him will not only set you free to prosper in all your endeavours but will also help you to support your husband in anyway possible to help him overcome this phase of your marriage. 
Forgive him not because he may not repeat the same but because you know that it's the devil's ploy to destroy your home and render your time and sacrifices useless and of little value. 
Look at how much he has lost spiritually and show some compassion for him. Do not relent in praying for him and when necessary please talk with him and listen to all he has to say even when they make no sense to you. 
I want to believe that he no longer raises his hands on you because no matter what excuses he may have or what you may have done whether in the past or at the moment, he has no right to beat you nor treat you as his slave. 
If he still does that, then you may need to consult with your family and his family then get his church involved before taking some time off the marriage for proper discussions and deliberations about that. 
But please be encouraged by God's word and please do not look at the challenges of your marriage but at the promises of God concerning your marriage. 


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