Friday, October 9, 2015

What Can We Do Now?

Aunty Amara, this looks funny but is a serious issue that is on hold now. 
The guy I want to marry just called to tell me that his elder brother whose traditional wedding was coming up this month said that he was not going to proceed again if his in-law to be doesn't change their mind. 
His In-law told him that they were not going to contribute financially in the traditional ceremony, he was asked to hire the canopy and chairs and plates that will be used, and also N90, 000.00 for the cooking OUTSIDE THE LIST THAT WAS GIVING TO HIM. 
The guy said they are visitors that it was the duty of their in-law to provide sit for them and plates for food. He offered to pay 40,000.00 but the girl’s parents rejected that they don't contribute money while giving their daughter's hand in marriage. 
Now, the guy has returned the marriage list given to him that he won’t marry again if they don’t change their mind, his wife to be came to their house to beg her mother-in-law to be to talk to her son to accept what her parents said but the woman was so weak about it. 
Right now nothing has been said, they guy is damn serious about it and has gone back to his base since the in-law to be did not call him back for renegotiation and now the whole thing has boiled down to change our own plans as per shifting till next year cos he wants his people to know me officially before visiting my home town. 
We are all from same state. What can we do to rectify the disagreement?

For the fact that his elder brother decided to postpone his marriage doesn't in any way mean that your partner must postpone his own arrangement for your introduction. 
The reason is simple, his path and that of his elder brother isn't the same and they both don't need the same kind of help nor do they share the same vision for their individual life. 
Marriage is not what you do to honour your parents and there's no rule or tradition that mandates the younger brother or sister to wait until the elder ones are married before they do. 
So what if he postpones the wedding for ten years, does it mean that you and your partner will have to wait for ten years before getting married even if you are prepared for it today? 
My suggestion would be that you and your partner sit down and discuss your future together without having to tag it along his elder brother's challenges. 
Coming to what transpired between his elder brother and his in laws, I want to believe that they truly desire to see their own daughter be happy with her partner and not drain him of all his savings. 
The lady in question ought to plead with her own parents instead of coming to his family as though she's doing him a favour and compelling him to come and pay the bills. 
She ought to get elders in her town or kindred who can convince her parents and plead for them to intervene by discussing with them in the presence of her partner. 
For a man to give N40000 out of the requested money truly showed that he was willing to pay his dues but maybe having limited funds. 
If the prize of canopies becomes the challenge, then he may opt for a low key traditional marriage and an an elaborate wedding thereby saving some money and the drama too. 
There's no benefit in having a celebrity wedding and entering your home with so much debt all because you wanted to please the eyes when your pocket is trying empty. 
Let him negotiate with them, plead with them but insist on what he can afford and never to go bankrupt all in the name of hosting the world. 

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