Aunty Amara as I write you this mail, am broken. Am a young girl of 30 years,but I am divorced due to domestic violence. Guys were approaching after my ordeal but the fear of dating a man, after all I went through in the hands of my ex, whom I helped to build his home from scratch.
The domestic violence started when a child was not forth coming after three years of marriage, thought I have had like two miscarriages.
So after talking with a counsellor, she advised that I gave someone a chance, that I won't end up like this, that not all men were like my ex.
Now I work and I also learnt fashion design, cos I hate been idle. I gave a guy the chance, but I told him the truth about myself, cos I believe if you must love me, love me for who I am and I love being sincere and open.
Now he said I don't look like someone who was married, and that he loves me, so we started dating, we have dated for nine months now.
He never had a place of his own, I pushed him and helped him secured a place, he paid for the place and gave me money to furnish and put it in order, now I even supported him in the process financially and I also sacrificed my time to make sure things were put in order, I gave him ideas of businesses and investment to save for tomorrow, he was nice, he trusted me with his finances a whole lot, he even gave me keys to his place, even when I never asked for it. He said he trust me more than he loves me...
Now aunty Amara he has this I don't care attitude in him, he behaves like he doesn't care, and when I gave him his space, he will say that am seeing another man thats why am acting cold with him.
This morning we got talking, I asked him where the relationship was going to, he said he doesn't know, that I should remove him from my mind.
This was a man, I helped, a man I respected, for one day I have never insulted him, I have been faithful to the last. Am loosing my mind.
After everything I have been through now this. Well I have decided to go back to my old way, of not giving a man a chance in my life.
Most times I wonder why nice people get hurt the most.
Not everyone who confesses "I love you" understands the purpose, essence and the significance of such statement.
For some individuals, it's like a business partnership where one person seeks to exploit the virtues of another person and after some time discharge them to enable them partner with another.
That one man disappointed you doesn't mean that all men have the same traits and attitude to relationship.
You need to have an open mind and a large heart to persevere, sacrifice and sometimes experience some moments of disappointment for you to receive the kind of partner and love that your heart desires.
You don't need to live a fake life just because of the few perfect individuals in your area, you will find out pretty late that it would never make you happy and emotionally stable.
All you need is to accept the fact that you are completely normal and lovely just as you were before your husband decided to hurt you instead of protecting you.
Divorce is never a death sentence and as such, you should not live as though you are already dead or destined for the public ridicule.
Be yourself, accept yourself, love yourself and allow time to heal your heart and favour you with true love.
Forgive him for not understanding the impact of his attitude and confession and forgive yourself for not realising that when a man acts like he doesn't care, he truly doesn't care.
Thankfully you did the right thing which many ladies doesn't have the boldness and courage to do which was to get him to define the relationship.
If after six months of meeting with a man, he couldn't tell you the direction of the relationship, it's best to simply quit committing your heart to him because disappointment is imminent.
I am proud of you because you chose life over "mrs" tag and I know that God is alive to perfect that which concerns you so please do not give up on you and on God.
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