Thursday, November 12, 2015

I Want To Quit Marriage!

I have a very big challenge that is eating me up. I got married 2009 after two years of dating. But my husband never opened up to me, he hid many things from me until after our wedding.

It was then I found out he lost his job without telling me, it was then I found out he was given quit notice

After traditional wedding no place to stay, I went back to my brother's place, telling him we wanted to do wedding before living together, to see if he can get another job for us to pack in.

I was working to so we planned saving money from me and his depending how quick he got another job

On the process I got an accident that affected my two legs that I needed to stay at house for months
When we came back from hospital they took me to my brother's place but they could not take me up because I can not stand, his brother said we should come to his house

Never knew my suffering had just started. I was there for months without him getting a job. No money for house rent and his cousin was living just one room. Another of his cousin asked us to come over so that when we get money we can pack in.

On the process I got a job and started working, I was taking care of the home, years passed my husband was not serious about job, because I was catering for the house.

At a time his cousin asked us to leave he wanted to get married, due to expenses I was not able to save money for rent being a teacher you know how much I will be collecting
We went back to village when the stress of the house was much.

When his people saw that we were in the village they contributed money and gave to him to rent a room and parlour and start from somewhere

I was in the village my hubby came to Lagos paid for a room self contained, used the remaining money to do fine boy

I came to Lagos and was disappointed by the house he paid for just for him to get money and spend outside.

I got another job started carrying the home along again, I gave birth to my daughter. My husband never cared about the bill or baby items, I did I paid for hospital bill, my sister came and I took care of her till she left.

Since then I was the one paying the rent till now, my daughter fees, NEPA bill everything

Sometimes, I will be frustrated because of no cash on me. No body is helping apart from my salary and my brother a times.

I never disturbed him though it was paining me how he just relaxed without wanting to do anything

I was mad when I heard that his friends and his people do send money to him to assist me, hmmmmm my hubby never dropped any penny out of those money.

I did not know he was getting money not to talk of spending outside
His friend sent him 250k to use and start up something, my hubby never told me because he believes that am catering for the home, he spent the money living life.

My hubby turned to a smoker, drunkard hmmm, in fact you can't sleep in that house, but I was pretending so that people won't know how he was.

Sometimes he will come back drunk looking for trouble till midnight, sometimes he will use urine to design everywhere, sometimes vomiting. Nobody knew that I was dying in silence.

I was enduring not until the day he got drunk came to my school, my boss was like who was this, God I wanted to die, I decided to quit the job out of shame, but still stood but that month was like hell to me.

Earlier this year I lost the job, because my boss was helping me and his wife was not happy with it so when I found out she was not happy I resigned to have my life because she was not talking to me again.

I lost the job, got another one but the pay was not that high, am still schooling, in fact after paying my fees, my baby own, house rent feeding, hmmmm sometimes might not eat for a whole week nobody will know.

But aunty Amara the suffering is much. I want to quit the marriage

Eight years of burden without my hubby making changes instead becoming bad day by day

I bought a phone for my niece living with me after a week the phone was lost

My hubby was drunk last week beating everybody at home. At the end I begged him for us to sell our generator so that I can write my exams , he said no and took the generator out.
My dear do you know that up till now my hubby did not know who he dropped the generator with.

Last week he was drunk and sent us outside, when he wanted to come and beat my daughter as we were running, he fell down because he was drunk and started bleeding. Hmmmmmm had it been that he died in that process who would have believed my story

Aunty Amara my people asked me to come back home because if anything happened to him that I will not be free
Am fed up

Please I need your reply.

This is rather painful and pathetic for a lady to end up with an irresponsible, selfish and a deceitful man as a husband and to make things worse, you now have a daughter to consider. 
Nobody will be happy to be in such a marriage talk more of living with a man who you cannot relate with as your husband. 
Though he has already started being violent, I am still hopeful that your marriage can still be redeemed or restored to what you both wished and prayed for. 
Maybe it's time for you to open up and voice out your frustrations and pains to him. 
Let him know that the upkeep of his daughter is his sole responsibility and also get his family in the picture so that they will know how best to support you and help him become a man at least because from your mail, he looks to me as a man who has given up on himself and has resigned to fate irrespective of what anyone may say or do. 

He has chosen to live always expecting help from parents and relatives and friends and painfully his wife which is why he drinks, and then unleashes his frustration on you. 
If the physical abuse continues after due discussion, suggestions and encouragement from you, then you may need to return home to your family and seek reconciliation from there. 
For the fact that he isn't working, getting him to provide for his daughter may be as good as starving her to death and I will also suggest that you don't venture into conceiving for him at the moment due to the pressure and financial constraints on you in particular. 
While you strive to develop yourself, please consider other avenues of making wealth so that you don't have to depend on him or others to survive. 
Continue to pray for him and seek ways to talk to him with hope that things won't remain this way in the nearest future. 
But if you feel that this marriage isn't what you craved for after all considerations and sacrifices, then you may consider separating from him and subsequently filing for a divorce. 
In all your decision making, consider your safety first, the safety of your daughter and your happiness and please do not let anyone to push you into doing what you know you may regret later in life. 


  1. My dear sister, its so sad knowing what your pains are, am sorry to say but i do not think he will change because if he wanted to he would have long before now, please for the safety of you and your beautiful daughter its time for a divorce. your life and that of your child is more important and precious than the marriage that his is not even willing to see work.

  2. Since you noticed that man behavior changed why don't you kneel to praise the Lord helps you out even you got and you left and earned some money which can't save because you spent for your needing in one word you forgot God WHO wait you at the church or at the mosque to give you his merciful but it's not late run to the Lord and deep pray then your future is brilliant.

  3. Since you noticed that man behavior changed why don't you kneel to praise the Lord helps you out even you got and you left and earned some money which can't save because you spent for your needing in one word you forgot God WHO wait you at the church or at the mosque to give you his merciful but it's not late run to the Lord and deep pray then your future is brilliant.

  4. Living in praise make God stand for you. Make it a point of duty to always sing and thank God.


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