Wednesday, November 25, 2015

I've Never Experienced Orgasm with Him!

Dear Amara,
I need your advice. I and my husband have been married for years and we have got kids. We have both girl and boy but he said he want to plan for another boy.
Now the problem is that I feel lonely, like am not married.
Starting from the beginning the only evil I have done my husband is that I got pregnant through foreplay many years ago and had a baby which I gave up for adoption many years ago. When that old relationship broke, my hymen was still intact.

I only told my husband this months after we started living together. I don't know if he was just punishing me for this or seeing someone else. I walked down the aisle with my husband without even sharing a kiss with him and the frustration of sexual intimacy began.
I give him the blow job willingly but he has never done so for me. The problem now is I have never really experienced vaginal orgasm with him. These days we can go for up to three months without coming together. Not that I don't want, he is just not interested. In fact when we lie down together, he can't even turn to embrace me month after month.

So many things had happened. Early into our marriage, I saw him saying on facebook that our marriage was just for tradition purpose. He never put a picture of us on Facebook then. I had reasons to suspect that he was having an affair or planning one.
When I confronted him, he denied, changed his password on his phone and computer that I don't even have access to it. I overheard him complaining to his mum that all I ask for was sex while I claimed that I was a virgin.
Now my husband is the only man that have physically penetrated me. I have the feelings I don't know how to deal with and I don't want to let a strange woman do my work for me.

Amara, I have read so many relationship books, tried all I can to make marriage work but the distance is still there. Early in the marriage he suggested watching pornography to make me know what to do but I insisted that I wanted to keep our relationship pure.
I told him, I prefer to read books on sex and discover my body with him but he comes up with this attitude that I wont teach him what to do or where to touch him so I let him go along by himself.

When I sit him down to talk on how to work on our marriage he comes up with the apology of not doing enough have not married before but he had courted a woman for over eight years. In fact my husband still wears a diamond necklace and ring given to him by his ex.  I asked him to stop wearing it and he asked me does marriage to me make him throw away all his possession? When we have this discussion on how to make our relationship better, it seems to be alright for a few weeks and then things fall back to what it was before.

Now my confusion is that my husband seems to be at work always except when he need to be home so that I too can go to work as I do night shift a few nights a week being a nurse. when he isn't at work, he is out hanging out with friends most who have been divorced from their wives. A few times on weekend, he tells me let him go out for a short while and I don't see him for hours. He is never short of what to say.

On those evenings he is around, I would say he is quite good with the kids. He earns a lot of money but our house have nothing to show for it. In fact I usually run the food clothing and toiletries of the kids with my income. Occasionally he gives me money but it is a give with one hand and a take with another hand. I am financially responsible for myself. In fact personal saving is a struggle now, yet sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't know what I am doing with my earning. I am confused. I hate the fact that my husband is always working or on call and I have no idea if he is truly working?

I stopped praying with him as a couple when I realised he was so reluctant to put a few words for me or us, even when I was over due for our baby. Now sex is out of it, occurring only once in while. A  few days ago, I forgot my towel and begged him to get it for me and he gave it to me with his face in the opposite direction blaming me for being so forgetful.
I try my best to look chic all the time in fact I would say I am a beautiful woman by all standards. I serve my family with passion but why does he behave like he isn't into me?

My dear, 
I can feel the distance from here and I can say that your husband's heart is not with you though you live in the same roof with him. 
It's more difficult when the necklace and the diamond ring of his ex constantly reminds you of her presence in his life and it makes me worry why he got married to you if he was not emotionally willing to give his heart to make the marriage work. 
Let's begin with the bedroom communication skills with your husband. 
It seems to me that both you and your husband are rigid and frustrated with your sexual intimacy. He appeared like he has no idea how to please you in bed and you seem unwilling to learn, teach and make necessary adjustments to help him give you the kind of pleasure that you crave for. 
It's good to give your husband a blow job but that may not be the language of his own fantasy and that will only make you work hard and achieve pretty little. 
Let's say that you have good breast and hot legs, then you may need to go for shopping and spice up your outlook. 
Instead of lying down and guessing what he may do next, try guiding his hands to areas you would love him to caress and try being naughty and wild a bit. 
His balls doesn't store sperms alone, they are good for some caressing and your hands can get there for some kind massage you know. 
Then try opening up your heart and express yourself while he strokes with pleasure to his satisfaction. 
Something like oh baby I love you my kingkong or give me more of you. 
Honey are you coming back already? I'm not yet close to Jericho. 
Try being in charge a times and allow him to have both the front view and the back view of your body, after all he's your husband and not a stranger. 
Tell him what to do and how best to get the job done. Gone are the days when the only thing a woman said was ooh and aah now you can combine the two and speak in the language of your satisfaction. 
Things like sucking your nipples, licking your clitoris (please keep clean and shaved) and a lot of foreplay(Read More) .
Orgasm is beautiful but with so much tension and frustration, you cannot experience orgasm because your muscles wouldn't be able to to achieve that tense nature that will make you experience the kind of pleasure that you crave for. 
If he doesn't like holding you, then you may try feeding him or simply letting him have a view of your nipples. I'm yet to see any man who doesn't react to the view of a nipples. 
Hug him and carelessly reach out to his penis. 
In your closet, pray for him and after shower, you need not request for a towel unless your children are there, you can simply walk into your room and allow your husband to receive the news updates in his bedroom. 
Buy sexy inner wears and wear good perfumes that will entice him to desire you and crave for some intimacy. 
Enough of Facebook and Twitter investigations in your marriage, it's time to spice up your bed. 
While reading books will greatly help you, videos have a way of turning the moments into minutes of pleasure which I guess your husband connects most with which made him request for the porn video. 
When sex is good, a lot of mysteries are broken down and many secrets revealed so you need to understand the language of sex with your husband so that you can crack down his privacy and understand him better than you currently do. 
Don't dwell so much in your past that you forget that you are no longer living in your past anymore. 
With good morning sex, afternoon quickie and late night blues, your husband must be back home pretty much earlier than usual. 
I understand that stress and family responsibilities have a way of making things look cold and a bit boring but you can still balance thing up and make your room good enough for you and your husband. 
With this, I believe that you can at least draw him back home and then you can continue to communicate with him and understand him much better than you did in the past. 
You don't have to push things through but with patience and wisdom you will know the best time to get him to talk to you and be open to you. 
Please endeavour to save for the rainy day and always ask when you are in need of funds for the home. 
While it's romantic for your husband to commend you for your efforts and commitments to the family, all that we do in our home is unto God and he's the only one who can reward you for your sacrifice so please do not be discouraged or depressed by his attitude or negligence. 
No matter what happened or may happen in your life, please do not stop praying with your husband and for your husband. 
You may have your personal quiet time but always encourage yourself and your children to always pray with your husband. 
It is pleasing unto God when couples pray together with one heart and purpose. It will build him up spiritually and help him realise his role as the head of the home. 
Everything rises and falls in the spiritual realm so praying remains one of your greatest weapons to win the heart of your husband. 
It is through prayers that you can control the heart of your husband and call forth his love for you and the family. 
It's through prayers that you can speak to him and he will listen and make amends where necessary. 
Whenever you pray, pray for him and mention his name so that he will always remember that you pray for him.
Encourage him in all his endeavours and appreciate him when he does something commendable. I want to believe that there were some things that you saw in him which made you feel comfortable to get married to him and grow in love with him. 
Look back from where you began, the vision of forever, the feelings of fulfilment and prosperity, the hope of growing with him and supporting him, the thought of meeting his needs and appreciating him forever and the gift of your children. 
Indeed you have come a long way to feel lost in your home. 
Though you didn't specify how young your marriage have been but I believe that you have more to enjoy and explore in your home if only you can settle down and understand the personality of your husband. 


  1. Very well detailed Madame Amara. May God help her apply it and make it work for her

  2. Well spoken Aunty, if you can apply all these, victory will be hers.

  3. Hey, is exactly 1year my lover came back to me, I’m letting you know how i got my ex back because this Christmas holiday everyone need there love ones around them not just your love ones but your lover, a year ago i was heartbroken and i knew i could not spend the holiday alone that is when i was looking for how i can make my lover come back to me so that we can make things right, to cut the long story short on a faithful day i came across the details i will be dropping on the internet, someone talking about how she got her ex back so i took this details I’m dropping via email: ((( or +2347050270218 and i contact him and i told him that i want my lover to come back to me, today I’m with my lover. Thanks you Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE for the help.


  4. I am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for over 9 years and we had two kids. thing were going well with us and we where always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treated me and the kids. later that month he did not come back home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted traditional spell hospital for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he casted on him that make him come back to me. my family and i are now happy again. Thank you Dr. Aluta for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay. He cast spells for different purposes

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