Sunday, November 22, 2015

My Husband Mocks Me (Update)!

Good morning mum Amara, by the way my daughter is called Amara.
Thank you very much for your advice. Have gone through the comments and some people don't believe the story is complete (Read Here), let me repeat again so that it can be clear.
As I said it was during our courtship I was in college and the guy was working, so one day I realized the guy was cheating on me...The girl he was cheating on me with knew very well this guy had a fiancée, when I confronted the guy he said the girl was just a friend.
Later I came to learn when I visited to spend like two days and leave that he would bring in the other girl...
I got pissed off and I packed my belongings and left....
After leaving, the girl now got an opportunity and came in....(by this time the girl had a baby girl with another man....
When I left, the guy used to call me but I cut off the communication because I needed to concentrate on my exams because it was my last year in college.
Time went without any communication, it happened that the relatives of this guy knew me,when they heard this guy got another girl they become so cold to him, his mom rejected the girl... When the girl was rejected he decided to come back to me...
To be sincere before I agreed I told him to be sure whether he was making the right decision... He said that he has chosen me over her... The relationship lasted for three months.
It took sometime for me to get back to him but later in 2013 I accepted his hand in marriage.
Soon after I accepted,the other girl called claiming that she was pregnant I asked my husband and he denied that he was responsible.... I asked him severally and he assured me....
The girl gave birth to a baby girl on 2013 and she threatened my hubby to take him to children court... To avoid shame they agreed a certain amount that will be given to her (behind my back) but a close friend told me because I was not aware...
I never raised any alarm because the kid was his though he denied he has to help her.
All went well although sometimes we would disagree which was normal in a marriage... One day he took my phone and I was chatting with my mum and I told her I don't think this person my hubby now, we are going to cope...
My mum would encourage me to be patient but sometimes I would loose it. It reached a point where my hubby would not give me attention, he was cold, going out with his friends ,drinking till late.....
I guess he was consoling himself when he realised I could not have a kid..... But with some time he started being considerate and he would tell me to wait for God's time.... I had little Faith but had enough Faith that one day we will have a kid.......
We tried all methods and at long last God saw us through...... When I gave him the news that I was expectant he never seemed to be happy though he told me congrats. When I was eight months gone was when I started to see changes, he would drink till late hours ,he seemed not happy , he would ask me where will the child be sleeping,should she be crying here...
That was when I realized there's a problem, what got to my mind was, he was not ready or maybe he thought I will never have a child..... Back at home his relatives who were loving started hating me calling me barren and advised him to marry the other girl......
I was patient and didn't give any attention to their word's.... It got them by surprise when I got pregnant. After giving birth, when the kid cried my hubby would click and this made me mad, he would walk out of the bed and sleep at the sitting room.
I decided to ask him what the problem was. he told me how can you call me " mtu "(person).... to your mum....I will never forget it and it bored me.... I told him that's a lame excuse and he kept quiet.
One day I realized that he had gone back to the ex, when I confronted him he told me if life gives you lemon, make lemonade out of it. I decided to keep quiet and concentrate on my baby and my healing.
After sometime I decided to ask him to clear things for me...if its the other lady or me...and I'll respect his decision.... because I was tired of everything..... he told me.... I don't understand you,I have nothing to tell you.
I got confused.... If he doesn't love me anymore why don't he just tell me to pack my belongings..... We stay in the same house no talking, comes late, clubbing with his friends and the ex,..... He would chat with the ex call her but for us.... no care how we are doing,he leaves everything but he will never ask how we're doing.
I went under Caesarean Section he doesn't care whether am healed or not ....what he cares is his ex and the baby girl....
I don't know what to say or think... I had decided to quit the marriage and give him freedom because I will never trust him again.
For the commenter who thought that I used spell to have him back.... am a christian and I know the consequences of using specks as it always backfires with time. I think now am clear..... My baby is a blessing to me but a curse to my marriage! ..... What am thinking is this other lady just wants to avenge..
If she is being helped to take care of the baby why does she want to break my marriage, she was comfortable been a side chick why now when I need my hubby most, why doesn't she bother the other man who they had the first baby with......
My questions are endless. Please advise.
Thank you.

Sweetheart, whether in marriage or out of wedlock, your baby is not a curse to you but a blessing. 
The Bible calls babies the fruit of the womb and our inheritance in life. It's a rare privilege and a priceless opportunity to be blessed with a baby no matter the perception, challenges or the circumstances surrounding your marriage or the birth of the baby. 
Always remember that your baby first is a blessing to you and a priceless gift from God so never you have a negative mindset about your baby because it affect you later in life. 
Granted that you are not happy with what's happening in your marriage, at least appreciate the fact that you are alive to nurture your daughter to greatness and begin today to prophesy to her destiny. 
The mistake you made was to marry a boy didn't know what he wanted in a lady. 
From your mail it was obvious that he was in love with the ex but parental sentiments and influence made him to put you in this bondage called marriage. 
You may wonder why I said so, it's because when there was a delay in conception, he was simply hanging out with his ex and his daughter and immediately his relatives gave him a green light to abuse his marriage, he was already living with his ex. 
From his attitude to you, his ex has a greater influence on him though you have the greater authority over his life and your home. 
The real challenge is if you can endure this tormenting moments of your marriage and give your best to your baby while hoping that things change for the better in your home. 
But I would not make the decision to either stay or leave for you because you should know better than I do what is best for you and your baby. 
If you feel that you cannot endure his recent attitude, then you may need to return home and give your heart to raising your baby while you wait for reconciliation with him that is if he's still interested in the marriage. 
But if you choose to stay with him,then you must understand that you are not fighting with his ex but with the devil and you need to pray and pray and pray and pray for your marriage trusting God to intervene and bring back your husband. 
You may need to develop a tough skin to his attitude and the manner in which he relates with you and your baby. 
You must have a forgiving, persevering and tolerating heart to cope with him and not be discouraged or distracted by anything he may say or do. 
It's a tough decision really but take your time, discuss extensively with him and please open up to him about your fears, worries and pains especially with his attitude to you and your baby. 
The outcome of your discussion will help you make a better decision on what's best for you and your baby. 


  1. A lesson for all women! God help us. God wil see u through.

  2. A lesson for all women! God help us. God wil see u through.


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