Monday, December 7, 2015

He Tortures Me Emotionally!

Hello ma,am impressed with the advice you give to people and I know that you will advice me too.
Am married to my husband going to two years now but we courted for six years before we got married. Up till this moment we don't have a baby and he's been maltreating me ever since with punching, abusive words and at times he go out for like three days without calling or telling me his whereabouts.
Whenever we had a disagreement he always gives me marks either on my mouth ,eyes or leg and at the end of it,  he apologises. The last one he did was to injure my leg for not allowing him to go to birthday party which I didn't know the celebrant and at the end of that night he left after serious beating.
Up till now I have been nursing the leg and I kept the secret from my mum because I don't want to hurt her but only my sister knew.
My husband doesn't care about me,he doesn't call any of my family including my mum. Recently I discovered he had a baby outside, I tried to ask him but he denied.
They were five three boys and two girls and my husband was the fourth, he's 35 years old. All of them are married but none of the men have any baby only the married ladies had babies. Recently the first born had a baby outside and now my hubby but he denied he doesn't. I have made some investigations and it's true.
Now I decided to move out of the house and move on with my life,cos I felt am just stuck there and am wasting my precious life with him. I don't love or have any feelings for him ever since he started maltreating me to the extent of not feeling for sex again.
I hate him now more than ever before ,I gave him Quran to swear but he didn't swear. He doesn't give me feeding money again all he does is come in the night, sleep and go to work without uttering a word.
Please I need your candid advice on it,please try and reply me on time cos am fed up. Thanks.

Every other things can be sorted out if there is life. Even a dissolved marriage can easily be restored if there is mutual agreement and desire for the partners to give their marriage another chance but nothing can bring a dead person back to life. Neither money nor friends nor family nor enemies and this is the reason why my heart bleeds whenever I read any abusive mail because every threat to life is a threat to the virtues and the purpose that God established marriage. 
I don't know the steps that you have taken before now but you cannot continue to manage a marriage where your own life and safety is not guaranteed. 
You need to open up and speak out so that both his family and yours will know what you have been experiencing in your marriage. 
Marriage is never a training ground for boxing and punching neither is it a platform for redesigning of your body so if after continuous communication and negotiation he continues to beat you and abuse you in the manner that he does, then you may need to take a walk so that you can create room for reconciliation and further deliberation about your marriage. 
Being married for two years now isn't so long for him to give up so soon on the marriage because you have not conceived. 
And I want to believe that you and your husband have visited your family doctor for proper examination of your vagina and his sperm to ascertain it's viability and motility rate and you make love to your husband as often as possible with prayers and commitment to your marriage. 
If you have done the needful, l don't see the need for the physical abuse you are experiencing in your marriage. 
Please do not put yourself in a situation where nobody else can rescue you by keeping mute. 
I would suggest that you take a walk so that your family can look into your marriage and figure out how to salvage your marriage and forge ahead with your husband. 
Forgive him for the way and manner he has been treating you lately but do not continue to endure any physical abuse from him because you need to be alive to enjoy your marriage.


  1. U wudnt let him go 2 a bday party cos u dnt knw d d man of d house? Many pple dnt present dia case well here.d story is alws 1sided.a woman shd knw her place in d family.ur husband is abusive and yet u challenge him.dnt gv him any reason 2 assult u.carry ur head high and respect on ur family,it's d woman dt holds and maintains peace in d family.u shd b God fearing 2 kp ur family 2geda

  2. A lady loves a man and suddenly hates him like satan when things go sour...
    You never loved that man...You were in love with the good times..
    I also think you're biting more than you can called for that leg injury since you were strong enough to resist a man in his own house from going for an occasion...
    There is a very terrible lack of understanding and a lack of communication in your marriage and on your part, i feel you're a dictator and a very disrespectful lady....your husband also wants to show you that he's in charge too and you just can't contain him..
    Even if you leave that marriage today, your attitude will always follow you and you'll exhibit the same attitude even if you remarry 10 times.. on yourself..Your marriage can come back to life if only you're willing to let go..

  3. You asked him to swear with the Quran that he has no child outside. That shows he is a Muslim , who is allowed to marry up to 4 wives. Thank God he hasn't brought another woman home and is even denying infidelity. Stop giving yourself stress by stopping him from going to a party. Why didn't you go with him to know the celebrant and make the girls there know he has a wife?

    Work on yourself and keep calm. A calm heart makes it easier to get pregnant.


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