Wednesday, December 30, 2015

I Want To Serve Her Divorce Papers! Update.

Recall the earlier mail I published about a man who wanted to serve his wife a divorce papers because of her nagging attitude (Read Here)
His wife sent this to me:

Little things matters in marriage, he is a businessman, I think he brings what he hears from his colleagues home,how they treat their wives. I always tell him that some people will tell you what they don't do.
Secondly am working,because of that I will be the one taking care of my needs and that of my kids,fine am not worried about that,but my anger is that I do all that,even buys things for him anytime I see his size,most of all his clothes,boxers and singlets but anytime am broke he will be making life miserable for me,he can't even help me with money.
The last one that just happened was on 25th December ,I borrowed N1500 from him to buy recharge card,and luckily for me a friend just transfered N20, 000 to my account as Christmas gift and he was with my phone then. He now came to me and asked whom the person was,I said I don't know ,that it was a mistake,and later I now told him that it was not a mistake and I now told him the person that gave me the money. He asked if he could use my ATM to withdraw the money for me,I said okay. He went and withdrew the money for me, I never asked him for the money.
The next I wanted to buy something for the kids,I asked him for money he said no,okay give me my money, he brought the money and removed the N1500, and another N1500 he paid for my kids(our)during children funfair on Christmas day,okay fine. The one that pained me most was that he even removed his transport fare that he used to go to that ATM.

Ma,since that six years of marriage from pregnancy till the day I will put to bed,I only take care of myself all in the name that am working, and I believed that I have tried enough ,he had problem in his business ,luckily for me I was posted to N***,all the money I made there all entered in my family and business ,yet he never appreciated that.
The worst he started seeing it as if was trying to control him,okay I had to collect loan and gave him,now his business is now flourishing, they are deducting the money from my salary, am now left with only N*** every month. All he does now is to buy food stuff(not all)for the family, the remaining one, I will still do it and still take care of myself.
He used to beat me even during pregnancy, I always tell his parents,brothers and sisters,but God so kind they all love me,they never supported him especially the mum. I love his family,all these things I hid them from my people ,I only told my mum once,and she warned him seriously that if he is tired of the marriage, that she will like me to even come back home. Now beating has stopped cos I told him that now am through childbearing and you know M*** people our second name is divorce, and moreover I can change my transfer to another state.

I compare him with neighbours,cos where we are living am the only wife working there,all others are house wives,yet I see how they dress,though I don't know their income,but I appreciate their husband so much,cos me I know that if am not working by now,one day he can decide to go out and leave us without food,he believes so much in his business, see his words everyday(more money more business).
I always tell him that the day he will put his family first,that's the day he will start progressing beyond his imagination, cos I know if your wife is not happy,you can never be happy,don't wait until you become Dangote.
He is the type that loves money so much,that he wouldn't mind if you sleep with a man to foot any bill or even take care of myself....
He has never opened his mouth to say he is sorry,because of pride. I might not be perfect, but I think am among the best,cos am very hardworking, upon all the stress am passing through ,none of his people is even aware of it,people even envy me self cos I packaged very well.
Anything I want if I don't buy it or give him money to buy for me,he can never buy it,yet he enters market daily. Inbox him and ask him if he knows my size of my shoes ,clothes or lingeries even that of my kids.

The only time you will see him humble is if he wants sex,cos he believes that's how to show a woman love. Anytime I see him around me,am always angry,I prefer staying alone,rather than giving in what I don't enjoy. The way I am now,even if I see him with any girl I will not disturb myself,I always tell him to even look for girlfriend self, so that he will learn how to take care of woman.
We dated for three months before we got married, cos I met him through my elder sister. He pretended to be nice but now reverse is the case,cos he believes that now if I leave him that I will suffer with the kids,that he is man that he can marry another person,he even said when I was pregnant for my last baby that if I go now,that only Obasanjo's age mate will near me.
Ma nine months became nine years to me,I got tired of the pregnancy but thank God for safe delivery,I worked on myself that you will not know that I was married let alone having kids,and believe me I move market more than the singles now,so he's now scared.
I still respect him by keeping to myself without even arranging boyfriend for myself,because I know nothing lasts forever but one can even get a month happiness and love from them na.

I was astonished by this revelation from you. I knew that women don't wake up nagging their own husbands if there was nothing that shook their love and trust they have in the marriage. 
Who really starves his own wife of affection and care? Who really treats his own wife like an object and equates money much more than he appreciates his own wife? 
Who really deducts even transport fares to withdraw money for the family? (To be candid I shook my head in disbelief of this particular attitude from your husband). 

Let me begin with you beautiful wife, I know that it's a difficult task to take care of your home and cater for the need of your children and yourself. I appreciate your selfless sacrifice, commitment and devotion to building a home where love, and happiness is the mood of everyone. 
I really want to thank you on behalf of your husband for what you have done and is currently doing to support him and help him prosper in all his endeavours. 
Granted that his attitude towards you and the home is at best horrible, comparing him with others wouldn't actually bring the solution that you crave for but you will rather be depleting his self esteem and making him feel less of himself which I feel isn't the best approach. Every marriage is unique and uniquely different from another and none is devoid of their own challenges and difficulties but what makes a difference between one marriage to another is in their approach and the maturity with which they manage their differences and resolves their challenges. 
Please do not let the circumstances surrounding your marriage make you push your marriage beyond repair or make you consider divorce as the only alternative. You have three lovely children who believes in your ability to protect their interest and provide their needs. 
Even though the going is no longer sweet and smooth, please hold unto God who ordained your marriage and continue to intercede for your husband and your family. 
Don't let his attitude ruin your beautiful heart or make you lose your sight on God's promises for you and your marriage. Sometimes women sulk in so much that you begin to wonder how they did it but that's the unique grace that God has given to every virtuous woman in every home. 
I believe that this will help him understand some of the issues that has indirectly destabilised your emotions and have shattered your affection for him and I want to believe that he will make amends and be a better husband to you. 

When you wrote me that your wife was a chronic nag and that you wanted to file for divorce, you never told me that you have chosen to import the marriage of your friends and colleagues into your home and humiliate your wife for loving you. 
Please sir, how much more will you make before you learn to appreciate your wife? How much money will you make before you learn how to pamper your the mother of your beautiful children? 
Since when did you become so petty that you even deducted the transport fares that you used to withdraw money for your own wife? When last did you take your wife out and simply told her thank you for all her sacrifices and commitment to the marriage? 
If you succeed in becoming the richest man in the universe, can it really replace the value of your wife and your children? Is your business worth much more than your home really? 
What has pushed you into starving your wife with love and affection and what has pushed you into treating your wife as a slave? 
All the money she makes, she uses them for your children, your feeding and your home but the best way for you to appreciate her is by demanding sex? 
Sir please it is painful and extremely hurting that a handsome gentle man like you could allow the pride of life to crush your home. 
You have decided to worship money while you allow the devil to feast on your marriage and have chosen to humiliate the very woman who stood behind you in difficult times. 
Please ask God for mercies and please return back to your marriage and humble yourself and discuss with your wife. 
She isn't nagging because she hates you but simply because she's hurting and is in deep pains. I could not imagine that you could vomit all that you did and you still came to report her as a nagging woman. 
The way to a woman's heart isn't through her vagina but by the way you communicate with her and the things you do for her. 
Please learn to appreciate your wife, she's worth more than the dowry you paid on her head. Find out her pant size and get so intimate that you can tell when she's not happy about anything. 
It's commendable that you want to make more money but never at the expense of your marriage or your wife. Money unfortunately cannot buy any of your children or your wife or the peace of mind that you enjoy in your marriage. 
When coming back from work, buy fruits and gifts for your wife. 
Thank her for preparing meal for you even if you were the one who bought the food stuff. Learn more how to communicate with your wife and never you threaten her with divorce or say anything that suggests that she has no value to you. 
She can't be happy to open her legs when all you do is make mockery of her personality and make her feel like she's a burden for you to endure. 
What you are abusing is what many men out there are praying to receive and I am praying that you will not push your blessings out of your life because of your account balance. 

Both of you need to commit your marriage to God in prayers and seek for his wisdom and understanding to manage issues of your marriage and support each other. 
Both of you need to understand that your marriage is a joint responsibility and no sacrifice or investment made to see your marriage prosper is too much. 
Both of you should decide in your heart to make this marriage work and strive towards achieving this vision irrespective of what it may cost you. 
You need to give your marriage the very first priority and stop importing views and opinions of others inside your home irrespective of their wealth of experience in their marriage.
You both should cultivate the habit of selfless appreciation and devotion in your marriage. 
Money should not take the place of your marriage and please do not let money or the wealth of this world make you lose your marriage and all that you have invested in your marriage. 
I am already praying for your marriage and I hope that your marriage will be as beautiful as God designed it to be. 


  1. Ummmh this is deep! I feel this woman and I understand her well..its really hurting having a man who don't appriciate ur effort.
    Communication is important.i hope u both start this soon.every marriage has thier challenges.plz never compare ur marriage with orther don't even compare urself to them.u be shock when u know the truth

  2. wow very similar story but thank God that your husband is not sleeping around with small girls that he claims to be friends with.... friends whose text messages and even communication including visitations or appointments are so secretive that he keeps guiding his shoulders all the time, that he has to password his phone and keep deleting every single message that is received or sent.

  3. This is just me, i only have to add and remove and it will balance.Thanks Anuty Amara for your words of advice. I didnt write to you but your advive will help me continue me alot.i can asure you it has not been easy but i'm believing in the grace of God to see me thru.


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