Saturday, December 19, 2015

Should I Return my Children to Him?

Please ma I need your advise am I wrong in the decision I made my story started like this...
I had four children for my husband though we are not legally married. The problem started when things started going bad for us financially, his business was going bad.. He had two buses that worked for him and they knocked down because he was not the one handling it himself... My immediate younger sister really helped me, she paid my children's school fees and even paid our house rent. She got tired so I pleaded with my husband to buy a bus with the last money she sent and then we can move to two room apartment, he said no and after all my husband never picked up his phone to thank her.
I even pleaded with him to embrace Christ which he refused... Things went really bad that we could not even feed, our children had to stop school and the landlord had given us quit notice to park out and this time my business was also closed down..
My husband started drinking, smoking and gambling, after drinking at night I denied him of sex he started accusing me of sleeping around. It was just too much for me to bear, his family did not even try to help us once and my family that has tried helping us countless times, he started calling them names saying that I was the cause of his downfall.
I had to leave because he was not willing to change and I was tired of all those. I met him when he was still an apprentice...... He wanted me to return the children back to him because I left with the four of them till now he has not changed, he doesn't even try to give his children anything not even money to feed and he knew I had borrowed up to about two million naira..
Should I return the children back him and see how I can pay all my debt and move on with my life because I don't know if I can do without them, they are my source of joy. I knew all these was a mistake. Am confused am fed up,I don't know what to do now..
Please reply me I don't know if I should just end it all.

I am worried about your marital status and I would love to be clarified on that. 
When you said that you are not legally married, do you mean that he didn't pay for your dowry? Do you mean that you have been cohabiting with him and having children for him? 
If yes, then you don't need to return your children to him because he doesn't have the traditional right to claim them and you do not need to return to his house until he has done the needful. 
Ladies must learn to get it right before they surrender to have children with a man. 
That being said, it is not wise for you to borrow so much money for the upkeep of your children. 
I know that you desire to give them the very best but I also feel that there could be another alternative to providing their needs without living in bondage and fear of the money lenders. 
Maybe you should start up a business and engage in agriculture while your children support you in their own ways. 
Instead of sending them to the most expensive schools, I will suggest that you get them the books and enrol them for summer lessons while monitoring their progress in their studies. 
But do everything within your capacity to minimise your expenses to avoid putting a lot of financial burden on yourself. Also request that their father be part of their academic development by providing money for their upkeep while you supplement for their feeding and health. 
I won't advice you on whether to return your children to him until you have helped me to understand whether you are married to him or cohabiting with him. 
In any case, it doesn't, mean that he's not their father but until he has paid your dowry, the children belongs to you based on your cultural heritage. 
Though things may not have been so rosy but I will encourage you not to give up on God or engage in anything that may destroy your integrity. 

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