Monday, December 21, 2015

Should I Settle for the Father of my Child?

Good day ma I never heard of this page until my younger sis told me about it. Please help me out.
I met this guy early last two years after spending some days with him I took in for him he asked for abortion I told him I promised myself I will never commit abortion, when my parents saw him and asked him his intention about me he said we needed to date, to know ourselves more then they all agreed around April last year, he came for my bride prize after that we have been communicating over the phone. If he wanted to see me or the baby it's either he comes to my school or home, so this year I decided to go and visit him and stay for some days but on my stay noticed he drinks too much and he smokes but not really in my presence cos am not good with smoke and he stays late night, one day we had a misunderstanding one girl that usually called him on phone visited the house, they talked and left together without introducing me to her or vice versa after that we reconciled and continued with the way we were but I started noticing that he had more calls than he usually had but when I took his phone to see who called or to answer, he told me not to but I took his phone at night when he was asleep to see his call logs and messages sometimes he deletes after reading sometimes he leaves them after that we had another misunderstanding.
Then he went out and smoked and made calls to several girls when he came up I checked his phone and dialled those numbers he called they were all girls later that night another different girl called him. The next morning I started asking him why he chose to marry me, he said his main reason was for our daughter and because am a good girl and also he thought he owed me that what he said was the reason.
But when I asked him about the girls he said he has a lot of friends and friend's friends and so on but my fear is that when we get married fully he might beat me one day although he said he doesn't beat girls and also he stays out late and I think he cheats on me even when he said he doesn't love this guy but when I asked him if he loved he told me that I don't have to know that when I asked him he said that he has a high taste in physical appearance although I don't have that much shape and his a guy full of life but I saw some things in him I loved and those I don't and he is a good guy.
Please help me should settle down with this guy that thinks he owes me because I got pregnant for him? Please help me, what do I do cos whenever I think of ending the marriage my heart is always at rest I always feel that if I break up with him I will regret doing so that's how I feel,please help me thanks.

Any marriage that is not founded on the genuine selfless, sacrificial and devoted love and mutual commitment to supporting each other and meeting the needs of one another will never prosper no matter what one individual does to make it work. 
Marriage is beyond a compensation plan or a favour for a particular individual, it must be desired, and the commitment must be absolute if there must be any success in your marriage. 
From your mail I discovered that your partner may not necessarily be in love with you but did the "noble thing" by paying for your dowry. The shortcomings of this is that if his heart isn't with you, your presence will never make any difference in his life and your opinions may never have any significance in his decision making. 
And with his attitude towards women, booze and his smoking habit, I wonder how much you are willing to endure to be with him. 
I'm certain that you know that you and him can have a great agreement to take care of your daughter while you get married to the man who will make you compete and fulfilled in life. 
You must not marry the father of your child all because you want all your children to have one father because most times, your happiness will have an impact on the state of the mind of your children much more than you can possibly imagine. 
So take some time to meditate with your heart and tell yourself some real truth about the man who you loved and the one that you are currently living with. 
Seek the face of God and listen to the still voice within your soul, you will find out what is best for yourself and your daughter. 
Until you are convinced that he's the one that God has prepared for you and you are comfortable with his personality and his reasons for getting married to you please do not rush yourself into saying "I do" with him to avoid emotional torture and disappointments in your marriage. 

1 comment:

  1. Ma dear it's very obvious this guy is not in love with u. Get out of that relationship b4 u have another baby for him and further complicates things. He has absolutely no respect for u and things can only get worse. If he is able to tell u without mincing words that he is marrying u as compensation, he is so not into u. And not even making any effort to keep his ugly lifestyle from u, even spells more doom. U can do better than him if u believe in urself. Staying with him is equivalent to committing an emotional suicide. I hope u do the right thing.


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