Friday, January 29, 2016

His Attitude Scares Me!

Ma,may God bless and favour you as heal broken homes and relationships with your words of wisdom. Please, I need advice on my relationship. I was once married in 2010,separated after three months due to domestic violence. I met this lovely guy last year,though he stays abroad. We have been in a serious relationship till last December when he proposed.
He is coming to pay dowry in May. He is so loving,caring and romantic. He is all I desire in a man. He loves me so much and can die because of my happiness. I only have two problems which scares me away from marrying him.
Last year November,he requested for my Facebook username and password which I politely explained to him that anything that has a password is supposed to be a private thing. We argued over it for long. Finally I refused to disclose it.He is too over protective,possessive and easily gets angry over little things.
Fast forward to yesterday's night,we had a little misunderstanding and he got angry,banged phone on me. He later called back to insult me. Am so afraid now to carry on with the marriage plans because he overreacts whenever he gets angry,though he hasn't laid his hands on me before. I don't want to fall a victim of domestic violence again because of my past failed marriage.
Thanks and remain blessed.

You didn't indicate whether  you have legally filed for the divorce of your first marriage or not and until you do so, you are still legally married to your husband but separated from him to allow for reconciliation, and reconsideration of your marriage. 
If you are no longer interested in continuing with the marriage, the first step should be to officially divorce your husband and return his dowry to him. 
From your mail, there were signs of violence or abuse in his attitude and it will only take some time to manifest. 
Misunderstandings, disagreements and challenges of life will always test our emotional maturity and psychological stability to manage the manner of approach and the method of managing our differences without letting our emotions get a better part of us. 
When an individual cannot control his or her emotions, the other individual is at the receiving end of any reaction of his or her emotional outburst. Understanding the limits of an individual's emotional ability is also important but it's wiser to be honest about what you can endure to avoid physical abuse or mental depression as a result of varying forms of abuse which may be verbal or violent.
The option is yours but my duty is to point out the grey areas to consider when you are deciding on who to settle for.


  1. He hasn't laid a finger on u bcos he is abroad. I hope he doesn't a day after s marriage. Ask him to give u time, spend a holiday with him and be sure.
    Remember that once this second marriage does not work, pple will begin to say u are problem
    I also hope he is not planning to keep u here while he is married to a white lady abroad. Postpone toll December and spend a lot of time with him especially abroad.
    A word is enough for d wise!!!

  2. Be careful before to lock, devil you know is better than angel you doesn't know. Spend time together with him at least 1 month cos 1 week Is a little time to know somebody.


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