Saturday, January 16, 2016

How Do I Move on this Devastating Quagmire?

Good morning Mrs. Amara.

This is a continuation of my plight which I shared with you four months ago (Read Here)!

After I persuaded my estranged wife through a message which was given to their traditional ruler who happens to be her uncle to come back home before or by December, so we can reconcile. She sent me a flash message "can I ever forgive you".

Since that September till date I've not seen her.

By March, it will be two years that she left the house to her place of abode/work without coming home. Each time I send her lovely sms to see that we make up she sends an awful one to me.

She calls me useless man; tells me that only a weak man says I'm sorry; that I should go and marry another woman who will give birth to a useless man; she curses her womb and the womb of the other woman if I ever re-marry etc.

The priest of my local parish has intervened severally, but to no avail.

I suffered Insomnia and Transient Ischaemic attack in November owing to the fact that I keep worrying myself over the way forward for my life and the two kids.

My parents never divorced, I never bargained for this. But here I am today at a cross-road.

People advised I should start womanising, but I find it very difficult due to fear of God. Some say I should go for a second wife, but I fear for the fact that I don't know how to determine if she really loves me. You know women pretend a lot.

Moreover her safety is also my concern because my ex-wife seems to be an aggressive person who NEVER forgives and loves making troubles. What she did to our gadgets and how she messed up the newly painted walls of our room in March 2014 remains fresh in my memory. Yet I have vowed never to womanise nor beat any woman because I see it as inhumane.

Each day is like a test of potency for me owing to the nature of my job. Having to deal with different fine women.

How can I still find or love a woman who really cares about me even after this devastating phenomenon I term a marital quagmire comes to a logical conclusion?

The first step to finding a woman who really cares about your happiness is by making the woman who has made your life miserable and horrible powerless to your emotions and personality as a man.
The painful truth is that you are suffering because of the opinions of men and the question is for how long will you continue to endure this torture and emotional pains?
For how long will you continue to live in the cave of public perception and still have to contend with taking care of your children?
For how long will you have to endure the pains and frustrations of this woman who from your mail doesn't want to have anything to associate herself with you.
If she no longer wish to continue with the marriage, you and her can decide to separate so that at least you will have the peace of mind and give your heart to taking good care of your children while you pray for a lady who will be there for you and help you find happiness and fulfilment in life which is obviously lacking in your life at the moment.
This is your journey and you don't need to regret for the things that you are experiencing today for they could be God's way of preparing you for his purpose in life.
If you don't make her powerless by divorcing her, she may exploit that to your own disadvantage and you don't want that to happen.
I know it's a difficult times for you but I think that you have been on this spot for a long time, it's time to pick up yourself and take a walk to where God want you to be in life.
Forgive yourself, forgive her and accept her decision and move on. God is still with you even though you may feel otherwise, lonely and emotionally drained.

1 comment:

  1. I think you have to develop a thick skin, stop calling her as a matter of urgency, divorce her and move on with your life. Life is too short to be waiting for an unwilling partner to turn to a new leaf and start acting maturedly.


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