Friday, February 19, 2016

How Do I Appreciate my Wife?

Good day to you ma, I sincerely appreciate God for your endowments, you are an epitome of knowledge, wisdom and beauty, God bless you. I really need you to help me out with this.
I am seven years in marriage with three beautiful kids, and married to the best woman in the whole world. She is a combination of beauty, brains and character, a biblical virtuous woman, she loves me more than anything in the world, in fact , she completes me.
The issue is I fall so short in loving her as she does to me, she gave me her all even up to her virginity. I do love her sincerely and have been faithful since getting married to her but my love for her isn't up to a quarter of hers for me. Her love language is act of service and that is where I fail, though I do the laundry and ironing but I feel it's not enough but I just try to help out but just fail. I hate cooking, though I love eating her tasty meals, she has always craved for me to cook for her but find it so difficult, though she doesn't make a fuss about it.
Two days ago we returned from an outing and she was like '' darling could you please dish some food for me''? I told her I was tired too that she should help herself which she did and for the rest of the evening, I was not happy with myself.
I've apologised a couple of times but don't anymore cos it seems I never meant it since am still unrepentant. Please help me I am so weak in that aspect. How do I change? I want to reciprocate her love 100%.

I am glad that you cherish the selfless sacrifices and devotion of your wife in your life; it's a testimony that we have women who have personal relationship with God and desire to give their all to make their marriage heaven on earth. 

This woman, according to you, can stay awake at night just to make sure that you are happy and at peace in your home. I feel that what you are struggling with is theasy very popular African male pride and ego that discourages men from serving their wives so that they won't be tagged "woman wrapper" by relatives and friends. But the truth is that your little act of service will strengthen her the more, it will energize and motivate her to do more. 
For a woman who can do all things, pleading with her husband to help her is not necessarily a sign of weakness but a deeper yearning for validation, appreciation, support, and connection with her husband. What she's craving for is this conviction that even if she's down, you would assure her by standing by her side and supporting her in your own little way. 
It's good to know that you are doing something about it; that is better than an unrepentant apology. Whenever she's cooking and you are free, forget about the news of the day and join her in the kitchen, you may not necessarily do anything but your presence in the kitchen will wow and assure her that you truly appreciate her effort. 

You may even buy her special gifts and gather your children, let them know that you want to celebrate "mummy for being a great mummy to us and feeding us, clothing us, praying for us and sacrificing for all of us". Let the children pray for mummy while you summarize the prayers, make it a surprise for her and occasionally squeeze out time to take her out somewhere where only you and her will have some time with each other, where she feels protected and loved in your arms. 

Understand that she's not asking for that favour to punish you or to disrespect you but that she's only looking for a motivation for her to do more. She wants to taste your half-cooked meal and laugh with you, she wants to see you desire to be a better cook or a great cook just like she is. Her pleading with you to assist her is a perfect way for you and her to bond with each other. 

You can make a romantic weekend by letting her know that you wish to learn how to prepare a particular meal with her, while she prepares the ingredients for the meal and who knows, both of you can turn the cooking moment into a romantic atmosphere and it wouldn't hurt if you give her a quickie while the cooking is going on. 

But then don't forget you were there to learn how to cook.. Lol. The beauty of mutually serving each other is that it deepens your affection for each other and gives her the joy and fulfilment that you're not only her husband and hero but you are also her friend and closest companion in her life. 

Get interested first, forget about what other men told you, she's your wife and how you choose to appreciate her is solely for you and your family alone. She has given you seven years of undiluted love and sacrifices, please do not wait until she starts crying before you wake up and make her feel loved.

Always remember that when you make your wife feel special in the day, you can be assured that your night must be a sweet and beautiful night. Please don't ask me for explanations. Lol


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