Monday, February 1, 2016

I Find it Difficult to Relate With Girls!

Ma I am writing you because I need you to advice me on what to do. I was the one who wrote you some time in 2014 about having been addicted to masturbation and actually practiced it for over two decades but through your help and that of your fans I stopped for over a year now.
Now my problem is that even at 34 years now and I still find it very difficult to relate with the opposite sex. As a matter of fact any lady I try dating abandons me in the next couple of months. They all complain that I don't know how to take care of a woman some say I don't know how to treat ladies, while some will use the excuse that am stingy just to leave me. The worst is that they all go back to date people I am much better than in fact once I can even feed .
This has been giving me sleepless nights cos am tired of pleading with girls to be my girl friend. I know that I have never liked the opposite sex right from small cos I was regularly humiliated by girls in my puberty days and as a matter of fact that was what led me into masturbating because I wanted to satisfy my self without them.
Ma now there is pressure for me to get married or at least introduce some one as my girlfriend but how do I start when I don't even have a common girlfriend not to talk of fiancé? Sometimes, I feel lonely and worried mostly when am alone because even all the money am making I don't have someone to call my own someone I will genuinely love and will also love me.
My not being benevolent to ladies is because I can not be spending money on another person's girlfriend. It even hurts me more that I call some of this girls on phone at least fifteen minutes every day but for six months if I don't call they will never call me. The worst they can do is send me a WhatsApp message that they don't have card and meanwhile they are working.
So ma could it be that the long term I masturbated is having a psychological effect on me or there is something wrong with me that chase women away from me because it pains me seeing even students being happy with there girlfriend even without money or anything to offer the lady you still see her talk proudly about her boyfriend.
Please I need help because I want to fall in love and get married as soon as possible, and its really giving me sleepless nights.  Thanks.

I understand your pains and the challenges you are experiencing in dating and in your personal relationship with girls but if you don't address the root cause of what lead you to masturbate, you will continue to struggle with girls even when you have great intentions for them. 
What's the root cause you may ask, it's your hatred for ladies and your determination to replace them by pleasuring and satisfying yourself by yourself. This hatred made you detest anything that has boobs and looks like ladies, it made you lose patience in wooing a lady and in understanding how ladies perceive men and relate with them. This hatred made you feel that loving has no relevance and it indirectly affected your purpose for desiring a lady to marry because to you, you are under pressure to marry a lady because your family want you to present someone and you are getting old. 
This attitude of hatred if not dealt with would make an innocent lady feel scared of you and naturally feel insecure with you even when you have good intentions for her. 
For the fact that a lady or two ladies or few ladies made you feel inferior or made you feel depressed or discouraged doesn't mean that all the ladies in the world hates you. 
You must settle this in your heart before you can make a great progress in your relationship with ladies. You must accept within your heart that God made ladies for men and his purpose was so that ladies can compliment you in your deficiencies and support you in all your endeavours. God created ladies to meet your sexual needs and to make things easier, happier and more beautiful for you and your family. 
Ladies do not hate you but may be finding it difficult to understand what you are not saying about them. Just like babies, ladies fall in love with those they can trust and entrust their heart to and the way of proving that you are trustworthy is not by showering money or making long calls. 
When you have sorted those out then you can begin by making healthy friends with those you are emotionally attracted to and be patient to understand the personality and the her perception as a lady before expressing your intentions to them. 
Ladies will take you serious when you are funny, free, playful and fun to be with. They will take you serious when you are observant and pay attention to details and you are a good listener irrespective of her drama. 
Ladies take men who are persistent more serious than those who go around looking for a wife to marry. Please do not reveal your intentions until you are convinced about her personality. 
Try not to see those ladies who made mockery of you in every lady and do not judge every lady with the experience of one lady but be relaxed, and positive whenever you are chatting with the lady you appreciate and remember that for the fact that a lady may not be responding doesn't necessarily mean that she has written you off. 
Please do not go for an immature lady or a lady who doesn't have a personal relationship with God and understands who you are and what you need in life and please try as much as you can to learn more about giving and how to give without burning your pocket. 
The measure of your love is a function of your willingness to give no matter how little it maybe. So be liberal and friendly so that you can connect with the lady who isn't seeing how much you have and how much she will gain. 
This is a new phase of your journey which you have been avoiding for a long time in your life and I suggest that you don't rush it to avoid getting married to the wrong partner or to a lady whose interest is in your pocket. 
You must begin this journey by changing your perception about ladies in general if you hope to meet the kind of lady who will appreciate you for who you are and give her heart to loving and appreciating your personality. 


  1. Be yourself. True love is never been forced on someone for it comes so natural. Money is not all the real woman need because if the money is not there she will still stick and stand by u. What u need is u been humble, understand the kind of person u are so she can understand you. Ladies need someone they can be secure with and will understand them. Wish u all the best as ur woman is out der waiting 4 u

  2. Masturbation has both biological, physical, neurological and spiritual effects. Masturbation for 20 years would have exposed you to demonic agents( spirit wife) Do you eat in dreams, have sex in dreams, swim in the river in dreams.
    Sort out the spiritual issues first ,but first stop masturbation because it will mess up your marital life.
    Try to improve on your diet by avoiding junk food like snacks, bread, spagetti, indomie, soft drinks, sweetened drinks, juice drinks. Focus on beans, oats, yam , sweet potatoes, vegetables and fruits. Accept responsibility for masturbation, do not blame anyone, because that will make matters worse.
    If you can stop masturbation, you will start healing gradually. Your testosterone level will go up and that is the male hormone , that makes you a man

  3. Thanks my dwae anonymous poster,you spoke volume.

  4. Thanks my dwae anonymous poster,you spoke volume.


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