Sunday, February 21, 2016

I Realised that my Wife is HIV Positive!

So sorry for the demise of your father. Please I need your opinion on this. I'm married with a baby, but the marriage is less that two years and I'm planning to divorce my wife. Less than nine months into this marriage I realised my wife was HIV positive. I don't know if she was HIV positive before our wedding or if she contracted it after our wedding since we did not do HIV test before our wedding. She was two months pregnant before she travelled to see her parents in another state which was four months after our wedding. It was while she was with them I learnt of her HIV status.
Aunty Amara, suicide was one of the things I contemplated on seriously but because of my love for God I refused to take my own life. Well, I have done HIV test up to fifteen times both in private and public hospitals and the result is negative. I have cried severally because of this because of this my BP is always high sometimes 180/140.
Since this incidence I have refused to live with her because of fear of being infected. Sex is totally out of it all since the feelings for sex towards her have died off. My family and hers are not happy with me because of my inability to live with her. Financially and materially I take care of her and the baby. If I see happy couples I used to shed tears because that was what I desired but can't have it. Love, intimacy or sex is totally out of this union and nobody knows all this up till now. Please advice me as your younger brother on what to do since I see her now as a younger sister and not as my wife which makes us to be living in two different states now.

Please do not let this unsettle you or push you into taking your own life. HIV / AIDS doesn't have any cure at the moment but that doesn't mean that you should commit suicide because you will be signing your certificate of self destruction and hatred with your own hands.
HIV /AIDS cannot be contracted by living with the carrier nor will it be contracted by sharing eating utensils with the carrier. With good feeding and health care, a HIV carrier can live with the virus for as long as God desires of her life.
What I couldn't wrap up my mind on was when she knew about her HIV status and why she never told you about it. Could it be that she was already positive before you got married to her? If the answer was yes then there was a high probability that you would have been infected with the virus as a result of your sexual activity then. Or could it be that she contracted the virus during pregnancy or child delivery which was a possibility? If yes that also meant that she was vulnerable at the time of the contracting the infection.
If you can, kindly bring her back home and then have a heart to heart discussion with her, please find out when she contracted the infection and why she refused to tell you until you discovered that much later. Knowing the time of infection will be helpful to decide whether to continue with the marriage and manage the circumstances or decide to quit your marriage on the grounds of deception and move on with your child.
The mistake you made was getting married without knowing your HIV status. That singular act would have saved you so much and helped you to organise your life and decide what was best for you.
While HIV patients can still live with non HIV partners, have sex (with condom), raise children and take care of their home with little or no stress, the choice of whether to remain married to him or quit the marriage is solely yours to decide.
In all the obstacles of life, please do not lose hope or destroy your life with worries, but hold unto God and allow him to take control of what you cannot manage.
It is well with you and your family.

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