Saturday, February 20, 2016

I'm Scared of Settling Down with Him!

Good day ma'am,am so happy that am a member of this forum,please ma I would like this mail to be posted immediately.
Am a 26 years old lady dating 38 years old man who is a gynaecologist while am into dentistry. I have been in this relationship for just four months , but I felt like I have known him for years. Recently I found out that am pregnant for him which I told him and he agreed on taking me for an ultrasound.
I know that he really love me and he is going to take responsibility of everything, he is a very nice person but am scared of settling down with him and I feel like terminating the pregnancy because he hardly have time for me, he is always too busy at his private clinic, hardly call me or ask after me.
We lack communication a lot, he is more concerned about his patients than my welfare, am just scared he won't be there for me if I settle with him,he is always tired each time he comes back from work.
Am really confused because I don't want to make a wrong choice concerning my unborn child and I really hope to settle down with my guy if he can make amends. Am also worried of the age difference and his village. He is from Nsukka while am from Abia.
Sorry for the long write up. Please I really need urgent answer from you and AVL members. Thanks.

How I wished that you considered all those challenges you listed in your mail before having sex with him, I doubt if you would have been in this precarious condition.
Everyone who is on AVL page knows that we are never in support of abortion, not because we want to punish you or make mockery of your circumstances but because life is priceless and life is a sacred gift from God himself so we can only help to nurture, support, and save lives and never to suggest or support abortion.
Now that you know that abortion is not part of the solution to your concerns, I encourage you to prepare your heart to be a great mother to your child whether you marry your doctor friend or not.
Pregnancy is never God's way of saying that he's the right partner for you, it is not part of the qualities that will make you enjoy your marriage and as such, you shouldn't feel that since you are already pregnant for him, you must get married to him. Pregnancy is God's way of expanding the world and blessing humanity with beautiful souls that will put smiles on our faces.
What you need to do is to sit down with your partner and have a heart to heart discussion with him, let him know your worries, pains, and fears about his busyness in his work place. Let him know why you feel that you are far away from him and find out what he can do to make amends in his relationship with you.
On your own part, please zero your heart out of marriage and focus more on taking care of your health and the health of your baby. Let this pregnancy period also form part of your dating process so that you can also find out what he would have done if he was married to you and you were pregnant for him.
As for his age and state of origin, if you are not comfortable with them, please do not venture into marriage with him. This is because, after your pregnancy and child birth, you will be living with him for the rest of your life and you will always have reasons to he in his village for a particular event or programmes. Though they have little or nothing to offer to the personality of an individual but when someone feels threatened by them, it's advisable for you not to wish it away because it will resurface sometime in the future.
Both of you can agree to take care of your child without needing to be married to him and both you and your child will have great future and marital experience.
So focus on taking care of your pregnancy and your baby. When you have put to bed, you may then decide whether to continue the relationship with him or move on with your life.
This you must have at the back of your mind that marriage doesn't change anyone who doesn't see the need to change and if you are not comfortable with his personality, please do not let anyone or anything push you into making a terrible decision by getting married to him.

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