Sunday, February 7, 2016

My Erection Doesn't Move Her! "Update"

Good day my beautiful Mrs AVL, you are my mentor and always will be and I love you so much,my husband can attest to that. I am the wife of the man that wrote to you few hours ago with the inscription "my erection doesn't move her" (Click Here). Everything my husband wrote to you is true and I saw where you said you will love to hear from me to know my fears or anything that might be the cause of me not been keen on sex,hence my reason for writing.
Truth be told I have always wanted to write to you about this issue for long and even my husband has asked me to do same but something kept holding me back from writing to you. I love my husband with every fibre of my being,he's the only man I have ever loved and still loves and will keep loving him for the rest of my life, the only man I ever dated, I don't regret keeping my virginity as he's worth it,his personality is everything any right thinking woman will die for in a man,he's the complete man,loving,sweet,caring and I literally worships the ground he walk on,he treats me like a queen from the very first that I met him till this very day he hasn't changed,instead he keeps improving,he's God fearing,doesn't joke with the things of God,he leads the night devotion at home and whenever he's praying everything is still,we are good christian family that prays together.
To the issue at hand of me not giving him regular sex as I should,this is not intentional,I also don't know why,because my husband is very attractive,tall dark and handsome,the type you will want to make love to him every minute, even my friends compliments his handsomeness all the time,so it's not the issue of me not been attracted to him, I am in all ways but I don't just fancy sex that much, doesn't mean I love him less,and to the question I asked him of how other men feels like, their sizes, doesn't mean I'm cheating on him or even have plans to cheat on him, I will never cheat on my husband no matter the situation,it is a vow I made to myself to keep myself for just one man,so why should I also be the one to break such vow.
We have been through a lot together and I will be heartless to betray him by cheating on him,we dated for five years before we got married,I have been with him for over eleven years and not for once did I find any other man attractive except him till date,he still makes my heart beat. I only asked him that question on two occasions just to know,nothing more and because I am so free with him,we tell each other everything,he taught me everything I know,he was the first man I ever kissed and he taught me that too,he taught me everything about romance,he's my teacher that was why I was free enough to let out my thought by asking him that question and he gave me a satisfactory answer.
Talking about foreplay,my husband is really good with that and he even pleads with me all the time to suck my clitoris as he knows that's what makes me kind of beg him to make love to me as I would be so wet and really in the mood,the few times I let him head me that is always how it ends,me begging him to make love to me he loves to suck my clitoris because he says I'm clean down there and I taste good down there,but ma I don't feel too comfortable with it that is why I always turn down his request of wanting to suck my clits and because I know it will lead to sex I don't allow him head me as often as he wants to. You may be wondering why I don't really fancy sex,I can't really say but I feel my growing up has to do with it,I'm always in and out of depression,whenever I think of the circumstances surrounding my birth I'm always depressed,though my hubby has really done well in making me forget everything over the years but sometimes I still flash back.
I was born out of wedlock,when my mum told my dad she was pregnant of me my dad denied it,all efforts made by my mum and my mum's family to make my dad accept responsibility for the pregnancy proved abortive,so my mum took medicine to abort me since my dad didn't accept,the medicine did not work, she then opted for real abortion, the place she went to abort me on getting there,as soon as she stepped in the man who was going to do the abortion for her screamed on seeing my mum and told my mum he is not a party to aborting the baby in her womb,he told my mum that if she aborts me she won't come out alife, that she will die in the process,that I am a special child,he told my mum that he has aborted thousands of babies that I am the first baby he was refusing to abort,my mum cried and went home to tell my grandmum everything and my grandmum was upset with her for wanting to abort me at all cost,that was how my mum kept me and I was born,my grandmum took care of me from birth,my mum ensured I got the best of everything,I went to the best secondary school and also the best private university,all financed by my mum.
While I was growing up I kind of resented men because of my dad, I vowed never to date any man until when I was ready for marriage, as I did not want to fall into the hands of the wrong man and end up like my mum. Although when I was still very young my dad later accepted responsibility of him being my dad, but he never catered for me financially. I don't owe my dad a dime,as I grew up he always came to pick me to spend the holidays with him and his mum, he had other kids too and me and my step siblings got along, but I guess it was difficult for me to completely forgive him for how he rejected me while I was still in the womb,how he never wanted me, that was why I get depressed most times when I flash back because I am the rejected child,I was always a second best to my dad while his other children where the first best,because of this I always go through emotional trauma and keep wondering why men will be that way.
As God will have it out of all my dad's children I am the best in all ramification and he always wants to associate with me now, I am the true definition of that saying "The rejected stone became the corner stone" I can't remember how many times I cried as a result of how I grew up. Thank God for my wonderful husband who ensured that I settled fully with my dad,even as I frustrated his efforts on countless occasions,he still didn't give up in making sure I settled with my dad. Few years ago that full settlement was done,and me and my dad became close and our communication was better than it used to be, my dad also became good friends with my husband. I feel my not being too keen with sex has something to do with how I grew up and my dad's saga, and my innocent husband has to suffer for it all these years and endure with little or no sex. He's very understanding,he never forces me for sex each time I say no,he never does anything to hurt me because he knows I am very emotional,he was specially sent by God to wipe away my tears,how a man can love a woman this much I still can't fathom,he's very romantic,no day passes by without him telling me I love you my Jewel,even though I don't tell him I love you back because am not the type that says it but I love him endlessly,still my not telling him I love you back never deterred him to stop telling me I love you daily even without me giving him sex.
Whenever he's not home or he's at work he sends me romantic text messages,calls me every minute until he gets home,we are very open with each other,what is his is mine and what is mine is his,I have full access to his mobile phones and he has access to mine,we are befriends and playmate,our children are always so happy whenever they see us play like kids. I really want to make this man happy as much as he has made me happy. Please I want a change in my sex life,I need help on how to accomplish this, my no interest in sex does not really have anything to do with me being tired and exhausted as a result of taking care of four kids because my husband helps me a lot with the kids and chores in general,he does the laundry for the whole family. I can't remember when last I watched my clothes or even the kids clothes and his clothes,that should be like over two years ago,he does it himself, he's a great cook too,our kids always look forward to his food because he does the cooking on weekends,he bathes all four kids every night before they go to bed seven days a week,no matter how tired he was after he returned from the office he still bathes the kids and still massages me afterwards before I sleep on daily basis.
He wanted to get me a maid long ago to assist me but I refused considering how expensive maid is abroad because we stay outside Nigeria,I told him the funds he will use to pay maid on monthly basis should be channelled on other family expenses or the cash should be saved for rainy days,I told him I will cope as I have always wanted to give my kids a first hand upbringing without the help of any maid,I can't entrust my kids with any maid. He has done everything a good husband will do for his wife,he buys me gifts,every month I have this home delivery of clothes from him,he buys them online and they deliver to me at home,he's very good with shopping with the exact kind of clothes I love,whenever I wear the clothes my friends all go crazy telling me I have good taste for clothes, not knowing I was not even there when my husband ordered the clothes online, yet I can't fulfil his sexual desires no matter how hard I try and he's not the cheating type. I truly need your help on how to come out of this shell,I am an introvert,quiet and kind of the shy type,but my husband has succeeded in bringing me out of my comfort zone over the years because he is an extrovert and he's loved by many. Sorry about the long write up,I really wanted to be vast in my explanation as this was the only way I will get the best advise from you,I don't want to hold back anything. Eager to read from you,thanks.

To be candid I feel that your husband needs to be celebrated in all ramifications because God has indeed blessed you with a virtuous man who understands the value of his family and has sacrificially decided to emulate Jesus Christ in his home. Before I read your mail, I took a look at your profile, I saw a beautiful home written all over your smile, your children and the happiness in your husband's face. 
I thank God for what he's doing in your marriage and in your life and I pray that God will continue to make your marriage heaven on earth and fill your home with his glory.
While I read your mail, I could relate with your pains, inner struggles and the disappointments of your upbringing. No doubt that anyone who heard of his or her beginning would feel rejected, unimportant, and depressed. I understand perfectly when you say that you hated your dad for rejecting you and discarding you compared to your siblings. 
But one thing that you must do for your own self, your healing, your happiness and your family is to forgive your dad. The pains, the bitterness and the disappointment you experienced in the hands of your dad is what is negatively affecting your marriage. 
While your husband has helped you to establish a better communication with your father, I sense in my spirit that you are yet to forgive him and set him free from your heart which is why the flashes of depression and bitterness be clouds your mind every now and then. I know that you would say that you have forgiven him but this little test will do, whenever you think of your past and how your dad treated you, do you feel sad, indifferent, pained or unimportant? If yes, it's a sign that you have not forgiven him completely. 
It is actually very difficult to forgive those who are blood related to us because naturally these are the ones that we give our hearts and trust to so any form of betrayal or disappointment could form a negative trend in our thought pattern and in our journey in life. You need to write down all that you hold against your father in a paper, shed tears if you wish to and let your husband be part of this if you don't mind but in all try as much as you can to remember all that he did even before you were born and before you became who you are today. After doing that, pray that God will give you the heart of forgiveness and the grace to forgive your father, and then confess with assurance and convictions within your spirit that I (insert your name) have decided that if God could spare me in spite of all the plans to terminate my life, my beautiful family and lovely children, if God in his infinite mercies could speak through the mouth a man who aborts children for money, if God in his divine favour could provide all I needed to grow and become the lady that I am today and if God could give me the kind of husband that loves me just as Jesus Christ loves the Church, then I will forgive my father and my mother for all they did directly ior indirectly to  terminate my life. 
After making this prayers and open confessions, burn the paper and release your heart to the healing process of the Holy spirit. Allow the Holy spirit to soothe your heart and renew your joy in Jesus Christ. 
This is the first step to setting yourself free from the depression and mixed feelings that always torment your heart. 
Now I have a better story for you that you will greatly appreciate. You are not born out of God's favour, you are not rejected by heaven and your destiny was too great that no plots and the plans of the wicked could terminate you even while you were in the womb. Wedding is the ceremony of those on earth but children is a seed of God to the world and can you believe that you are a special and a powerful lady that even though in the thoughts and mindset of men, you were born out of wedlock yet it never stopped God from revealing the purpose for your life and destiny. 
You have no idea who you are and where God is taking you to which was why you have always judged and examined yourself as a rejected lady thereby punishing your husband indirectly for the very purpose God has sent him in your life. 
I know that you didn't do that intentionally but today I am praying that God will reveal the beauty and the perfection of his purpose for your life in such a manner that you will realise that you are not fighting a battle with anyone because even before you were conceived, your destiny was sealed with greatness and your life was hidden in Glory. 
You are a living testimony and a walking miracle because looking around you, you can tell that you are not a rejected stone but an extraordinary lady who has a unique purpose on earth. 
Look at your husband today and you will realise that he's not guilty of what your dad did in the past. He has showered you with so much love that you can tell that this man is not an ordinary church member but a man after God's own heart. He has not only devoted his time for his children but have devoted his heart solely for you. 
One of the unique ways to appreciate him and let him know that he's not guilty nor should he for any reason feel discouraged or weak emotionally is by lavishing him with sex. Like I said earlier, you must forgive your father for you to open your heart, body and soul for your husband. Everything in your body belongs to your husband but if you don't forgive your father, you will unintentionally be pushing him away from home which is your heart. 
Your husband deserves to be celebrated and cherished and when you forgive your father, you will realise that you are actually not the rejected stone that has formed the cornerstone but that you are the precious stone that it's value is far more than rubies, priceless to the world and perfect for your husband and your family. 
Allow him to lick your clitoris and release the tensions, the fears, the worries and the pains of your little beginnings. He's not raping you nor will he hurt you but he's giving his heart to let you know how much he cherishes and loves you, licking the clitoris is one of the unique ways men appreciate the efforts, and the sacrifices of the woman who placed their life on the knife to bring forth the beautiful generation the world is celebrating. 
Remember that this is your own art of worship to him and under God, you should not deprive him of it. The more he makes love with you, the more you realise that he's not a bad man who is interested in your legs but he's part of your destiny, your pillar of strength, your glory as a woman and your beauty from the unpalatable experience of your childhood. 
What your mother experienced shouldn't be your mindset about your husband and sex in general and this is why forgiving your father and setting your heart free from the pains and the experiences of living with your mother is very very very important for you to strengthen your husband spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. 
He's a human being and he yearns for your support and encouragement just as he understands that you need help and support to heal from the pains of the past. Please do not neglect this part of your marriage so that you don't give the devil the room to distort the glory and the beauty of your marriage. 
I bless God for your marriage and I am convinced that God will perfect all that concerns you and your marriage. 


  1. Aunty Amara may God continue to fill you with strength and wisdom. You're a rare gem.I don't have much to contribute as I'm still single and don't involve in premarital sex but I really hope that you forgive and forget whatever your father has done cos its obvious that God has showered you with enough blessing,we all have stories to tell but at the same time we just have to let go for our very own happiness.

  2. Sister amara I sent u a message tew ur emaiL•u have not replied me till now please help in this situation

  3. God, I thank you for this testimony. Please give her the grace to help her bid her past goodbye and the grace to forgive. Lord, please let this testimony abide till the evening of their lives in Jesus name. Amen

  4. God has blessed you with a wonderful man. Pls don't deny him. I pray God gives me a wonderful husband like yours. God bless your home.

  5. That's a wonderful advice, pls don't take this likely. I too have similar case although i am unmarried, but at a time i got to understand that it's bad, now i have changed my mindset about sex and once i get married i will give myself all to sex and pleasing my self and my husband. Just till then, am still positive that i can do it, so also u can.

  6. I hope this help, maybe u need rehab too in addition.I admire u both

  7. AMEN......
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