Friday, February 5, 2016

My Erection Doesn't Move Her!

Hi dear Amara, my wife introduced me to your page sometime ago, I have gone through your page and enjoy most of your candid advise you give to married couples and singles alike. Bravo!!!

Well, I have a funny but rather disturbing question that I need your advise on.

I'm 34 years,my wife is 31 years, I have been married to my wife for six years plus and we have a lovely family of three boys and a girl which includes a set of twins. My wife was a virgin when I met her and because of that I vowed that I must marry her coupled with the fact that I love her so much and couldn't imagine my life without her, hence we are where we are today with a happy and beautiful family.

About a year ago my wife asked me jokingly how does it feel to taste another man,what are the various sizes like and how can she tell I am the best of men when she has not tasted other men. We had laughed at these and I gave her some funny instances and that went by.

Recently about a week ago she repeated the same question and this time more cogent and direct, at this time I frowned at it and told her if she wanted to try she could go ahead and satisfy her cravings. And then she flared up saying its all a joke, and that I can't take a mere joke.

My question is; what do you think her questions are about and should I have any reason to worry. Do you have any advise for her? Note, she is not the sex type,she has low lobido,she doesn't believe in regular sex,we can go for a month without sex and sometimes even two months without sex and she doesn't see anything wrong with it,even when she sees that I have daily erection at the sight of her because she is so sexy and pretty that I can't resist her whenever I behold her,with her everyday is like the first day I met her,imagine having such a beautiful and sexy wife who makes you have erection all the time just by mere seeing her yet you can't make love to her.
I run home to her everyday after work because I always want to spend my spare time with her and the kids,I'm always home with her all weekend as I don't keep friends, my wife is my friend,my everything. She is also a fan of your page and I have urged her severally to write to you to seek for help on her no urge for sex because I know its not a deliberate act from her,it could be because of the daily stress from our four kids because she takes care of them. I also help her with the kids whenever i'm home. When I ask for sex she tells me she's tired and drained because of the kids,I know its not easy for her too but I still believe she can improve on the sex issue a bit.
She needs help in this area, she has always been like this since I knew her,she doesn't like sex that much, most times she complains that my manhood is too big that she is scared,and she sometimes complains that it hurts,I told her its because she doesn't let me make love to her regularly thats why her vargina is still as tight as that of a virgin,I think this is an avenue for you to help me advise her because I know she is going to read this from your page.
I love my wife so much and I don't want to cheat on her,I will be glad if she is more flexible with her no regular sex rule, even when I have erection it doesn't move her,no matter how much I plead with her she won't give me access to make love to her and I massage her every night before she sleeps to ease her from the daily stress, during this daily massage I always have erection,yet I can't make love to her, she really needs your advise on how to overcome this sex issue because she confided in me that she doesn't know why she never craves for sex.
We are bestfriends, we tell each other everything, she is not happy that she can't give me sex often and she needs help on how to achieve this. I will be waiting for your response and will appreciate the various advise from your fans. Thanks and God bless.

My brother, I can understand you. But not every woman is crazy about sex. I don't think your wife wants to cheat on you because if she does, she would do it without talking about it. Take it the way she said-just a joke. 
This said, frigidity can arise as a result of rape (she wasn't raped as you met her a virgin), abuse, old-wives tales, and culture. 
Whenever you want sex with her, touch and engage in a very long foreplay. Don't rush her but take your time, give her some passionate kisses, suckle the nipples and gently lick the areola, with the help of a massaging cream caress her spine and her scalp, massage her laps and give her a head. 
The power house of a woman's nerve ending is in her clitoris and while men would naturally love vigorous caressing, women on the other hand prefer a slow start and a smooth ride. See her vagina as a wall clock and your clean fingers as the seconds hand, gently rub around the vaginal lips as though you are marking the time and do it round the lips of her vagina and then press gently on her clitoris. You can lick her clitoris with your mouth and use your tongue if you don't mind. 
The essence of foreplay is to wake up her sexual fantasies and relax her muscles which in turn will help her to enjoy sexual intimacy and minimise the pains she experiences during lovemaking. 
Gradually she will open up. Don't forget that a good atmosphere for lovemaking starts at sunrise. Create the atmosphere you want at night in the day. Once in a while, take her out, possibly a weekend gateway without the kids. There are good live-in spas all over (if you have the money). Ask for couples massage and bond well in the process. If you have none around you, check into a very private hotel and enjoy each other. 
Because she will read this response I will spend some time to explain some vital things she needs to understand about sexual intimacy and marriage to her. 
From the mail of your husband, it's understandable that he unreservedly loves and appreciates you as his wife and is doing everything possible to make you happy and fulfilled with him. It may look ordinary but there is a limit to what your husband can endure and I will not encourage you to ignore this sensitive part of his personality and hope that he will always endure his sexual urge. I'm certain that you know that nobody has the right to deny his or her partner of sexual intimacy except it be for an agreed period of time for fasting and prayers. 
You must realise that you are no longer a teenager who is trying to preserve your virginity for your husband nor are you a little girl who sees sex as a dirty act only suitable for child making and nothing else. Sex in marriage with your husband is one of the most beautiful and most important gift you can ever give to your husband and everything from his penis size to the sperm and the wetness that comes from your body are the unique bonding that makes marriage what it is. 
You may experience pain if you do not relax your mind and give your soul and body to sex and sexual intimacy with your husband and irrespective of how thick and big his penis size maybe, God designed the vagina in such a manner that it is elastic and can contain the size of his penis and if you do not produce enough wetness for a penetrative sex, you can buy a water based lubricant and apply it in your vaginal walls before penetrative sex with your husband. This will eliminate the pains and discomfort you experience during sex but to keep your husband with his erection for months is a huge risk which if not tackled may expose him to the temptations around him. 
A hormonal profile analysis will also reveal whether she has low sexual libido depending on the volume of oestrogen secretion in her body. This will further help you to find ways to boost your hormones and support your husband. But I feel that your mind is yet to embrace the beauty of sexual intimacy with your husband which is why you feel that having sex with him is a disturbance to your peaceful sleep. 
I would love to hear from you so that we can unravel any fears or challenges that arises from having sex with your husband but until then please do not ignore the sexual needs of your husband. Help him to stand by opening your heart to meet the needs of his heart soul and body which only you can give to him in the manner that he craves for it. 
Sex is more than making babies, it's the communion that bonds partners and strengthens your commitment to your marriage and your communication skills amongst couples. 
I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you. 


  1. God bless u aunty Amara. U are a pillar to couple's relationships.

  2. We women are so deep...We can keep secrets of the heart for decades. If a woman is no longer in love with a man, No matter what the man does for us we won't be excited about love making with him.she is obviously sexually attracted to another man. And she feels she needs her husband's opinion before she tries it, she might tried anyway, and if she enjoyed it, she can never give it to her husband the way he wants again. We make love to who we choose not to who chose us. I hope you understand. To us women love making is more than what meets the eye. Women here understand except you want to keep lieing to ourselves. What we want to do we do.

    1. Yea,its seems out of place,but you have said the harsh truth

  3. I have been married for 8 yrs but only started enjoying sex a year ago when my husband improved on his foreplay skill.Now I even demand for it

    1. Great. Please keep it up and remind him when he forgets and wants to rush in.

  4. Funny dat he thinks her vagina is tight because she dsnt allow him make love to her regularly.. We are talking about a vagina dat has birthed 4 kids, how tight can it be...
    I agree with d 3rd commenter, she is probably having a love interest in another Man, obviously undecided about exploring it but definitly not sexually attracted to her husband at d moment

  5. Abi o @Amanda moore, as for me i disagree with Amara a little. Out of the abundant of the heart the mouth speaketh. what could have made a married woman utter that word to the her husband if she is not having urge for other men.She may still be faithful to her husband because of conscience but i strongly believe she is really willing to taste other men soon. Secondly the husband need to be vigilant, their neighbour or possibly someone closer may be ready to cross over and possibly take over.

  6. I know its hard to beleive that a woman who has 4 kids for u,is not completely faithfull ...with what I can deduce from the story u told ,she's definitely interested in someone else.make her understand she can loses u ..not by telling her but through ur actions. Most women never value what they have till dey are about loosing it

  7. True talk so far Of a fairy tale lover she is having Or planning to have.My wife does thesame asking over and Over,so I know where all this replies are coming from(experience). But the bitter truth is Amara dint get it right this time.

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