Thursday, February 25, 2016

My Wife is Chronically Lazy!

Hi Aunty Amara. Good day. I must say that you are a blessing to your generation. Thank you for your wisdom. Thank God for the way you are using your knowledge to help lives.
Please help me. My marriage is on fire.
I am a businessman, I got married two years to my lovely princess but few months into our marriage, everything took a U-turn.
I discovered truly that my wife was chronically lazy. She does nothing in the house. She doesn't clean the house, she doesn't sweep it, she doesn't wash the dishes etc. She's a student in one of the Nigerian universities and anytime she prepares to leave the house, she'll not make even a simple breakfast for us. I end up doing all the house works. I cook for her as well and she got used to it. At some point, I stopped and things became worse.
She sleeps very early and wake up very late everyday including the days she has lectures. Even her lecture free days when she's at home, she does nothing. Even when she wakes up, the first thing she does is to start chatting and facebooking.
Once she's done, she goes straight to the bathroom, shower, dress up and leave the house. She has never, I mean never, swept the house before leaving the house, she can never do the dishes, she can never cook before leaving the house. These drives me away from the house. I end up eating outside when I have a wife at home. She cooks only on weekends.
An incident took place few weeks ago that nearly drove me crazy. I travelled to Enugu few weeks ago . I came back four days later and to my utmost surprise and shock, I met the house in a state that I've never witnessed. There were biscuits wrappers all over the floor, Lacasera bottles everywhere, her pants and bra scattered across the house, her shoes and bags on the dinning table. She was sleeping on the couch with the television on. I was even crazier when I entered the kitchen and found out that the plates which she left in the sink four days ago were still there, breeding maggots. The whole house was stinking.
I took off my clothes and started cleaning up. She woke up and saw me doing house chores, instead of joining me, she muttered 'well done' and went inside.
For days now, I have been thinking........ why is my wife different from other capable women who wakes up early to work in their house? What kind of a woman wakes up from sleep only to press her phone? What kind of a woman leaves her house without even sweeping it, arranging it or do the dishes? What kind of a woman stays comfortably in a dirty and untidy house? Why am I so unfortunate?
I work, I bring the money but I can't eat a decent meal in my home. I know that women are up and doing, why is my wife different?. Why is she this lazy? What kind of woman leaves plates in the sink for days without washing them? I can't go to work and come back to face house chores when I have a wife. She will always pretend that she's sick in order to run away from her duties.
We have discussed this issues often and on without yielding any positive results. I am tempted to look outside. In fact, I'm currently seeing another woman and I won't mind bringing her to my house. But first of all, I need your advice. I don't want a divorce or separation, I want to keep my marriage but tell me what to do.
I'm so ashamed to say that I noticed a little of these signs before I married her but I never believed it would be this gross. Take note too that she's not a child, she's 25 years. I told my sister about it and she told me the story of her roommate who was lazy and how she kicked her out. I don't want to kick her out, I love her. Please help me. Thank you.

My joy is that in spite of her terrible flaws, you still believe that she can be better and can improve in her attitude towards domestic activities.
On that note I will encourage you to please cut off your relationship with a strange woman outside. I know that you ventured into the relationship to heal from the pains and the disappointments of your wife's attitude but by so doing you will only make your life complex and at the same time destroy the very home that you are striving to build.
You said that you noticed these signs but your love for her made you to ignore them and get married to her. It could be that in her family, she never did any house chores but everything was done by a house help who was always available to serve her while she watched the television. It may also be the way her mother brought her up or the environment where she grew up and this could have influenced her attitude towards the house chores and cooking.
I will encourage you to be more patient with her and then apply both discipline and maturity to help her adapt to doing house chores.
First, start by discussing with her to find out exactly what could be wrong and why she finds it difficult to take care of the home and to cook your meal. Listen patiently and genuinely to her views and after that you will have to let her know how you want your house to be and what she must do before she goes for lectures each day.
In an event that she doesn't do that, that you will be sending her back to her parents to learn the basics of home training and taking care of the home. If she wishes to chat or watch television, it's not a problem but that you cannot condone or tolerate her habit of keeping the house unkempt and starving you for any reason if she wishes to remain with you.
On your part, you can look out for a house help while you monitor her attitude and watch the way she's adjusting to your instructions. Please do not hit her or lose your temper while communicating with her. If the plates are empty and she hasn't washed them, please encourage her to clean the dishes.
Going to school is never an excuse for chronic laziness and dirtiness so do not condone such an attitude or pretend to be cool with it to avoid exploding when you could have worked on that.
Marriage is a work and sometimes you may need to sacrifice your comfort and convenience to help your partner become better than you met her.
Let's hope that she will respect your decisions and make adjustments in your marriage, please do not give up on her nor should you lose sight of how you started and where God is taking you in life. Pray for her and pray with her that God will give her the grace to take care of her home and not allow unnecessary distractions to destroy her marriage.
I know that there must have been some qualities and virtues which you saw in her personality that attracted you to her and made you decide to spend the rest of your life with her, I will encourage you to draw strength from her virtues while you work on her weaknesses with love, patience and understanding.
His grace is sufficient for you even when it may not be so comfortable and palatable for you.


  1. There few of them who were not properly trained as a result of maid the parents brought to do house chores for their children. I'm not sure u could change her completely, however, i will advise that you speak to her with wisdom and turn away from the thought of bringing another woman into u'r home

  2. Hmmmmmm we had two maids in the house, but mum never allow any of them cook for us, I can cook any kind of food even continental, I have three brothers and all 3 of them can cook well. I don't want maid in my house. I love cooking. Lol

  3. What rubbish, u over pampered her, send her back to her parents for proper upbringing n training, she's not fit to be called a woman. What will happen when she eventually becomes pregnant? Man that means u will be cleaning her buttocks after using the toilet.

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  5. That's so serious. You should have noticed those things when you're dating her before making up your mind to say I do.

  6. Hello sir
    I had a friend abroad that was faced with this kind of issue. The good about his was that his wife was the bread winner! And he masterminded everything!!
    First when he noticed that his wife was not good with house chores but instead good at making money and very enterprising, he made her get a job. Two jobs in fact. He made her responsibilities grow by making her pregnant all the time. She ended up having four children for him!! So with all this gbese she had no choice than to buckle up, grow up and take responsibilities. So Sir, I'll urge you to do the same to your wife. Shapen her to your taste while you love and pray for her. Do not give her a minute's rest or pampering!! Make sure that she changes to a great extent this shameful attitude because it is you that people will blame later as the man in a failed marriage. Take care and God bless you.

  7. I disagree with getting maid for now
    For her. She need to learn and know how to do it

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