Saturday, February 13, 2016

Should I Date a Married Man?

Good afternoon ma, I really enjoy your counsel. Am a lady of 30 years and had the last relationship five years ago. Am not a virgin but have not had sex or penetration before.
The problem now is that all the guys that comes my way always want sex and when I tell them that it's a no go area, they back out while some when I tell them I have not had sex before, they don't just run but fly far from me.
I feel so disturbed and feel so abnormal that at my age I have not had sex ( am very very emotional and what if after sex, he leaves me how will I cope? Will feel rejected and used). The worst is that a lot of married men keep approaching me and asking me out seriously. They dont even want sex from me but just to be their 'baby'.
I don't date married men but I keep asking myself where all the single guys are? Am so tired. Feel so so lonely but I don't masturbate. Is it now bad to stay away from sex till after marriage?
Even the guys I admire or would want to date slip away from me to the ladies that give them sex. Is it not shameful that at my age no relationship? Do I have to now date a married man? What should I do?

Being in a relationship, getting married, having children is not an achievement. I will explain, an achievement is something that you possess out of your efforts, or something that you acquire out of your labour and struggles but you see, when it comes to marriage and relationship, it has so much to do with God than our efforts so it is not shameful that you are not in are relationship at your age but it is painful and you are no longer comfortable with where you are today.
For the fact that men come around looking for sex and for the fact that married men wish to be close to you means that you are indeed a beautiful lady, but what I cannot tell is if you have those virtues and qualities that many single men are seeking for in the lady that they wish to settle for.
We have many single men and ladies who are prayerfully and diligently searching for a partner to settle down for but painfully we have a very few individuals who are investing their time in preparing for their marriage. Some men have resorted to manipulating and exploiting the other while some ladies have relaxed in their comfort zone with their cosmetics to make up and a camera to take selfies while they hope that a God fearing, hardworking, romantic and a caring man will locate them and propose marriage to them six weeks after their first date.
I feel that instead of getting worried about not having a relationship now, you could actually choose to create a better relationship by the values and virtues of your personality. You can create a relationship by investing your time and energy in your passion and setting targets for yourself.
While it's beautiful to have someone who cares and cherishes us for who we are, we shouldn't because nobody is around decide to lose faith in our personality and in our passion to live and give our best to the world.
Go out there and make every second of your life count for something positive, get busy living and stop crying every now and then. Wear a smile and express yourself, be humble and dress decently even if it be to greet your neighbour.
Carry yourself with dignity and please make a living from what you love, if you are working, give your heart to it and when you are free, celebrate yourself.
Do not just be in the number but create a difference by your presence. When married men come to you, do not give them the space to express themselves, respect the covenant they have with God and trust God for your own blessings.
Marriage is not a competition, God will favour you with the bone of your bone and he will never fail you if you choose to trust in him.
Do not be worried by those whose interest is solely to show you their penis size instead of their personality, God is not an author of confusion nor will he choose to punish you for believing in him. Sooner or later, you shall come back with testimonies so cheer up and never give up on your convictions and on God.


  1. At 30 ur young and beautiful.don't allow marriage quest to bury ur glory.And coz everybdy arround is getn married does nt mean dat ur late.get busy,build ur career,be cheerful and humble he"ll come for u wen its right.

  2. Is it not better to have sex than to date married men? If your reason for abstaining is because sex is a sinful act dating married men is also wrong.To be frank with you only few guys that will want to be in a relationship without sex, any guy that says no sex before marriage should be checked properly.

    1. Are you serious?...any guy that says no sex before marriage should be checked properly. Is this how you lead people astray because you cannot? You perhaps only have understanding of flesh. You may sound like someone who does not understand grace. God forgive you

  3. A lot of things depend on your attitude. Work on that, and you will see changes. Let the bible be your guide.

  4. My dear, don't be deceived by married men. Why will they want to date you if not for sex. Dating someone's husband is even not better than premarital sex.
    Just keep enduring, and keeping your chastity. Your own husband will soon meet you.


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