Sunday, March 20, 2016

He Insists that I Live with His Mother!

Hi Sister Amara; you are indeed a blessing to our generation. Thank you for your Godly counsel on marriage issues.
I have a problem. I got married last year and my husband is in school in another country while I work here but we have plans of uniting as soon we can. The problem is that he insisted I live with his mother in their family house. It's a major issue for me and he has bluntly refused other alternatives.
I don't understand why he could be this mean to me. I've tried everything. Anger, coaxing, sulking but all to no avail. All arguments we have ever had are usually based on the way his mum and I are relating.
Of course, she's nice but you know how melodramatic mother-in-laws can be sometimes.
He's always accusing me of not being patient with her but God knows it hasn't been easy. What do you think I do?

I know it's a lovely experience to live with in laws and bond with his family. It's lovely to spend your time and learn from his mother but in all sincerity, that's not God's intentions and provision for marriage. 
If he wanted a lady that will live with his mother pending when he's back, he should have employed a lady for that purpose but not to shove his mother on you and then make it look as though you are stubborn, inconsiderate, ungrateful and troublesome to his mother and family. 
The best suggestion would have been that you rent an apartment and spend some weekend with his mother whenever you're free but not to force you to live with her. 
What the Bible recommended was that the man leaves his father and mother and cleave to his wife. If God wanted it to be otherwise, he would have made provision for that. 
Unless that was the agreement before getting married, else I suggest that you talk extensively with him and encourage him to write to me here so that I can have a word or two with him. 
While you are with his mother, I will encourage you to treat his mother as you would treat yours. Mother in laws are not melodramatic, some individuals maybe but understanding her personality and relating with her with respect and gratitude will make you bond with her. 
Every man's first wife is their mother and you cannot love your husband so much and then give her the impression that his mother is terrible, he will never accept that from you. So while with her, think about it, will you be happy if your brother's wife treats your mother in the manner that you are relating with your in law? 
Every mother in law was once a single lady who got married to her heart rob and all she's doing today is to make sure that she protects the territory of her son and her family which you now belong to by the virtue of marriage. 
His family is now your family and his people are now your people so please let that sink inside your heart so that you don't get unnecessarily angry at some of her weaknesses and shortcomings but learn to manage them without letting that affect your communication with your husband. 
But please do not delay in letting him know that the setting isn't the best for you if you are not comfortable with staying with her. He should give you some time to fit in and understand how things are done and not by forcing you to live with her. 
If he still insists, then you may encourage him to write to me here. 

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