Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Her New Personality Gives me Great Concern!

Good day Amara, You are indeed a rare gem and a blessing to our generation. May God continue to shower you with wisdom for instant solutions to every problem that comes before you.
It's very expedient that I seek advice from you and my fellow members of this forum.
I am 31 years, working while my lady is 21 years a Jambite. I have known her for three years and recently met her parents and declared my intention to marry her. Initially, she was unstable with me, life and her family due to her approach towards life and companies she was keeping but with prayers, God moulded her to a sweet lady that everyone adores. I became her confidant and I made sure to avoid selfishness while advising her in making decisions.
My concern about her started after failed attempts to secure admission last year failed, having tried two previous years. Consequently, she travelled to Abuja to experience a new environment before sitting for JAMB this year. While there, she was working, and things changed. We started having disagreements and frequent quarrels. she started being stubborn, and readily challenges me for every selfless suggestions and decisions. I observed that she does not waste time on venting her anger on me even when I was not cause. That has not been easy for me to contain but I kept calm as I suspected that long distance was affecting us.
During the Christmas period she came back and on the process of time, her mum had a serious accident and was hospitalized. She brought up the issue of traveling to Abuja and advised her to stay a little to help her mum since she can do her reading at home and travel to Abuja when her exam has comes so close. But she refused and travelled without properly informing me having told me that she would travel as far as her parents allowed her and that she can only respect my decision when I become her husband.
Please, note that our homes are suited in the same state, so, I was not asking her to stay because of me but to help her mum she claimed to love so much.

I am so confused with her recent change in attitude towards me. I can remember advising her to take her studies seriously, maximizing both day and night periods to read. She non-challantly told me that she can't read at night, and this time that she would settle for any course her JAMB could fetch her. Notminding her dream to study nursing.
I am so surprised that she has lost her drive for career pursuit and even lost interest in us. She can now insult me and talk to me as she wants.
I wanted to get married very soon but this her new personality is of a great concern to me. I have not had a meaningful communication with her for a week now to enable me clear my head and for her to really sort out whatever was her problem. But this approach is not helping as we are drifting farther away from each other .
Please, talk to me as this issue is affecting my spiritual devotions.
Thanks and remain blessed.

Pressures can make a saint look like a wicked individual. Pressures of life may make one treat his or her loved ones as though they mean nothing to her or him.
Your partner is undergoing the stress of self development and identity transformation process. She maybe weighing her journey with that of her friends or she maybe feeling terribly bad that she hasn't gotten admission and someone who's a graduate wants to marry her. She could be saying something like "I don't want to beg any man for money or to depend on any man, or I don't want to marry a man who is a graduate but I haven't even gotten admission" these for her is more pressing than your cares and good plans for her life and this could make her react in a manner that may be not so pleasant for you.
I know that you love her so much and you have a patient heart to stand with her and help her become a better lady in her life. I will encourage you not to take her reactions personal but to take your time, listen to her needs and allow her to make her decisions. Pray for her, listen to her but allow her to make her decisions.
Shelve marriage preparations and support her to gain admission in the school irrespective of the course she chooses to study. Yours is to listen and to support in your own little way. When she makes any mistakes, encourage her and do not argue with her or condemn her.
Distance may also be a factor but the major changes could be because of her admission challenges.
Let her know that you love her and mean well to her, if possible, surprise her and find out how she's living and what she's doing so that you can also find out if there are external influences who may be influencing her about your personality and intentions.
Let's allow God to perfect that which he has already begun, only wait and trust God for your own wife.

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