Monday, March 21, 2016

He's not Forthcoming!

Good day/happy Sunday Aunty Amara, Thanks for your good work/advises because I have been following your page. God will continue to bless you immensely and give you more grace IN Jesus name, amen! Please ma, I need you and your commenters to advice me on something that has been eating me up/depressing me lately.
My name is Lady A from Anambra and have been dating Mr B from Abia state for the past three years now. We both met in Abuja. However, he got me engaged sometimes in May 2014 and did introduction that same year but we have been expecting him to come and do the traditional wedding since that two years ago like play because he collected list for traditional wedding on the introduction day but he has just not been forthcoming any longer which pushed me to always ask him what's up and all but what I kept hearing from him was very soon, not as if money was the issue here oo,naaah! Neither my past because everybody obviously have that. I should just keep having patience and keep praying for him. Meanwhile, the guy in question is 41 years plus now and has never been married and I just clocked 30 years plus now. The truth of the matter is I wouldn't want to lose this guy in question cos he's kind of Godfearing, very nice to me as in cares for me a lot and assists me in anything I ask him for till date because I work too(civil servant)and all but my main problem is, he doesn't just seem to be forthcoming and it's not as if we don't have sex with each other o which is beginning to make me feel and think as if he wants me to get pregnant first or something (I don't live with him though, I just visit him at will).
We have quarrelled /kept malice severally sometimes for weeks and months over this marriage issue but I'm still with him even as I'm typing this but I need advice on what to do because am always thinking about it, is beginning to weigh me down on a daily basis! I don't really keep friends but my pals and sisters has advised I should try and forget about the relationship and move on joor that I will get to meet another serious person like it's easy but it always fall on deaf ears because I always forsee and have that strong feeling that we would make a good couple by God's grace, though I always tell myself if I see another person sha, I will just leave him but the truth is it doesn't even seem easy for me to start all over even though I haven't seen sha.
Just in a confused state,please help a sister out. Thanks

And this is how precious ladies waste their life, destiny and time hanging out with men who are out to have sex and then keep asking for more time.
To start with, when you say that a man is God fearing and he's sleeping with you without even paying any dowry on your head, please how is he God fearing? Or is it that he doesn't know that he's fornicating? Or he doesn't know that those who sleep with single girls do not have any regard or respect for God?
I'm not here to preach but to point out the fact that a man who is God fearing like you said shouldn't see your panties let alone hopping into your vagina and thrusting as he pleases. That is not a God fearing man according to me but a generous man who has no fear of God or any personal relationship with God.
Since you feel that he want you to get pregnant before he can commit himself to you, why not get pregnant instead of wasting all the time and having sex without achieving anything at the end of the session.
I feel pained that you take this as a joke when your time is fast ticking away. A man who has engaged you for almost two years and since then you cannot tell what his plans and intentions are or when he hopes to get married to you, please how soon is very soon?
At this point in your relationship, there ought to be some measure of sincerity and seriousness so that it doesn't look like both of you are confused and uncertain about what you want in life and in marriage.
For the fact that a man engaged you, came for introduction and collected the list doesn't in any way mean that he will end up with you. And there is a whole world of difference between being nice and being focused and emotionally prepared to take up responsibilities in a home.
If he's not certain about when to get married to you, not certain about what could be responsible for the unnecessary delay and not willing to work with you and open up to you on what he hopes to achieve in the relationship, then you must look beyond your feelings and the goodies that you receive from him and face the realities of your life.
A man can do as he pleases and get away with that but for a lady, it may not be so favorable for her especially when she's wasting her life with the wrong partner.
You must sit down and count your cost in the relationship, then examine things critically to ascertain why he's not forthcoming, what could be responsible for that and what could be his plans for you in his life. Could it be that there's another lady pregnant for him? Could it be that his family doesn't appreciate your personality? Could it be that he has no vision or plans for himself even at 41? Or could it be that he's no longer interested in continuing with you as he was in the beginning?
You do not have all the time to decide this and where you can't tell where you are, it would be wise to go back to where you started from so that you can begin again and plan your life.


  1. Nice advise, Also stop having sex with him, if you are close to his sister, have a heart to heart talk with her. or Move on with your life dear, still single at 41 does her want to train his children with his pension or Salary!

  2. Don't even consider getting pregnant unless you are ready to be a single mom. Someone once asked a friend, 'if I were choice men, why do you think I am still remaining '. In other words , why would a man that is financially and physically stable still be single at 41. That said, you may wish to move on with your life. A man that comes for marriage will not waste your time. Stop dating, pray for your own husband to locate you.

  3. Like sister Amara rghtly said, a man who is God fearing will never have sex with you before marriage. So,rule off that God fearing issue here

  4. There is always problem between imo girls and anambra guys to b sincere• so dear maybe his family is not in support or d list u gave his is on d high side or maybe he has found a long lost friend• b wise


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