Tuesday, March 1, 2016

How Do I Fix This?

Good morning AVL... thanks for always been there. I dont even know who to air this out to cos am not good at discussing my relationship problems with friends but saying it here is always cool for me thank you. Please I want to know if am wrong and the best way to talk about it and get the matter solved.
Of late my boyfriend always complains about everything(my appearance) like as if I was not like that when we met. At a point I started thinking maybe he's got an eye for someone more prettier than me which was why he has been complaining but I have no proof yet cos from the last time I checked I know he was not a womaniser. Here is the problem. Days ago when we wanted to go out he said he doesn't like what I wanted to wear and suggested another dress code for me but I was not comfortable with that cos most a times I wear what he want I do feel very uncomfortable in them for example it might be just an evening seat out party with friends of which I might want to look simple and nice that will be when he will want me to wear high heels or something like that.... Some event that requires a gown will be when he wants me to wear sneakers. It has been going like this until that evening when I said I don't feel cool with his own option, which was I should put on a jeans trousers, polo and sneakers but I wanted to look simple was wearing a leggings, long top and sandals, that was when he flared up saying why will I wear that? Don't I know that am short that it doesn't fit?
When he was even the one that bought the leggings when all those complaints hasn't started.. Here are his complains... that am short, red in complexion, am too fat and that I don't have a straight leg. My dear readers I don't know what to say but let aunty Amara who can see my pictures be the judge to that... I don't know if its because I always praise him that got him thinking he is perfect. So that evening I said am not going out with him again but when he left I just couldn't hold back anymore then I decided to tell him his fault which I never complained about but corrected him politely and still praised him...
I sent him a message, told him he has mouth odour, his upper body bigger than the waist, how embarrassed he always make me feel whenever he speaks (wrong English) in fact I told him every fault he's got but I never complained for once because I felt something for him.... I told him to get himself his dream girl while I look out for mine.
Note: His best friend he trusted more than he trust me has been disturbing me telling me he doesn't know why I loved my boyfriend to him, cos he is a graduate(me too) and richer than my boyfriend, begging me to give him a chance of which I shunned him. I also forwarded that message to my boyfriend. In fact when he came back he looked sick and we haven't talked for three nights now.
Please ma how do I fix this?? I shouldn't have told him his own fault? How do I talk this whole thing over without sounding like as if am desperate.... Am 25 and he's 33 years or should I just let go? I still love him.

While it would have been better if you didn't retaliate to what he said, but emotionally I guess that was what you needed to do to regain your self esteem and self image. 
From your mail, he was over controlling you and he felt that without him you cannot survive or be happy. So he felt that making mockery of your personality will push you to obey his commands but he miscalculated because it now exposed him beyond repairs. 
Start by apologising for saying all you said, let him know that you never meant to hurt him but that anger and all he vomited against you pushed you into saying those things. That you truly believe in your relationship and in his personality and that you are willing to help him become better if only he will stop making you feel inadequate and insecure in your skin and learn to appreciate you for who you are. 
I mean a man that sleeps with you every night won't know anything called high blood pressure because your body and your face is gorgeous and lovely. Let him understand that you never created yourself and what you need is not someone who makes you feel worried about your skin but someone who will give you many reasons to be happy and fulfilled with your relationship. 
After explaining that to him, allow him to express how himself and listen to him, when he's done, hug him and remind him of those good qualities that attracted you to him and why you will always love him and be of help to him. 
The good thing about this challenge is that he now knows that he's not perfect as he thought and it will help him to guide his tongue when next he want to share anything with you. 
While it's good to dress as you please, sometimes you need to dress to please your partner and make him proud of you. 
Some men love it when their partners package their breast very well, some prefer the buttocks packaging, some legs while some doesn't even care whether you are dressed up or naked. 
Do not push anything but take your time and allow time to heal his pains. I hope that he will open up and accept you and hopefully settle with you because when a man has many complaints, it's a signal that there may be someone somewhere else distracting him. 

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