Monday, March 14, 2016

How Do I Sort This Out?


Dear, aunty Amara, thank you for the unbiased and sincere counselling you render. I met my husband immediately after NYSC, we got married two years ago and we have a son. When I met my husband he was very broke. He had worked for more than ten years earned millions but no investment, assets or savings. All were spent on drinking, smoking and women.
I started helping him from my savings(I did business as a Corps member). From there he picked up started hustling raised little money and did our court and traditional marriage. I later got a job and he was still hustling though he's yet to be as rich as he used to be. Mother in law and sister in law maltreated me, spread rumors that I was sitting on his money that he no longer flaunted money as he used to but we did not tell them the truth. When it became unbearable, his elder brother then told everyone my role in his life.
Now they make demands on me and I don't meet up. My problem now is that when I am paid, in a week, the whole money will finish. I cannot save a Naira yet I used to do 80/20 savings (that was where we picked up from). He hustles, submits all to me and I give him allowance( says he has learnt his lesson). He loves me, boasts of me to his friends, we are working out a therapy for him to stop drinking. He has stopped smoking. He is always there for me.
But I am not happy cos I work but cannot take care of myself. My clothes are old(from spinster days). My feeding is poor. I feel ashamed when I meet old friends that knew how I used to look. I now look so old and faded yet I earn enough to take care of myself. He earns too but it is irregular. Please how do I sort this out? Thank you.


First please permit me to thank God for the peculiar work he's doing in your marriage using you. Indeed you have proven that we have a woman of virtue in our times and my prayers is that God will strengthen your heart and give you the wisdom to manage your home and help your husband grow in grace, understanding and wisdom.
You must as a matter of necessity understand that you cannot meet all the demands of your extended family at the expense of your basic needs in life (food, shelter and clothing)  and no matter how much you have you must always set out your money and plan your expenses. That way you know that when the allocated money has been exhausted, you don't dip into the reserve in the name of trying to be a nice sister in law.
You don't need to please anyone or impress anyone at the expense of your family. Plan your expenses and at least set aside a fraction to look good and decent at least and not to dress in a manner that even neighbours can also predict your dressing pattern.
You may wish to adjust to 70/30 and out of the 30 take it further to 60 /40 where sixty is for your family and forty is for the extended family. Being nice to all is not a virtue, being diligent and focused on strengthening your home and marriage financially is your ultimate goal so please do not let anyone live their rent on your head and then make you feel as though you have nothing to do with money.
I pray that God will give you the heart and the grace to stand firm and work towards achieving the vision in your marriage.

4 comments:

  1. Dear poster,
    Please and please, where is it mandatory that you will be the bread winner of your extended family? Have you lost your mind? How much are you earning that you will be declaring for them? Is it when your enemy dies that you will realise that youre not living your life for yourself? Ok. Sit down there, wallow in shame and continue showing off the small money you have and look like rags. Dont forget that you have your family, confidence and self esteem at stake here. You better wisen up!! Take care

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear poster,
    Please and please, where is it mandatory that you will be the bread winner of your extended family? Have you lost your mind? How much are you earning that you will be declaring for them? Is it when your enemy dies that you will realise that youre not living your life for yourself? Ok. Sit down there, wallow in shame and continue showing off the small money you have and look like rags. Dont forget that you have your family, confidence and self esteem at stake here. You better wisen up!! Take care

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi ure a wonderful woman. I think u should ve financial planning for ur family n dont allow external needs overwhelm u. U seemed very disciplined too and seem to ve alot of capacity. Let me advice u to split ur income into 2. 10% tithe 20% savings in a money market fund and 20% business. I think u shud start investing in a business ir any souce of income. D remaining 50% is for taking care of u n ur family n can extend about 10% to them. U probably wud never meet all their needs.a seed is what u can offer

    ReplyDelete
  4. Finance is a very crucial discussion in marriage

    ReplyDelete

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