Thursday, March 10, 2016

I'm Not Thinking Straight, Please Help!

Good evening ma, well done for a wonderful job you have been doing saving lives and marriages.
I got married in 2010 to my husband who claimed to love me very much, naturally he provided for me in every way but he was very abusive, I suffered domestic violence for two years which resulted in losing two pregnancies, the third pregnancy stayed this time because he travelled out of the country and only returned when my child was one year and two months old, when he returned he became more violent and even threatened to disgrace me in the estate were we lived.
On a faithful day he beat me up and I had to run away to save my life and to keep my baby from danger, I ran back to my parents because we live in the same town. Two weeks later I received a call from a friend telling me that my house has been broken into, by the time I got there I realised that my husband's family had come to my house and moved every thing in that house with the support of my husband who wasn't in town then, they didn't even leave a broom stick for me, they left with my entire life. When I called his brother and asked how they wanted me to take care of my son, his brother asked me if I bought any of the properties and clothes with my money, so out of anger I swore to my maker and promised his elder brother that for masterminding all these, his female children will go through the same ordeal..
It's been almost three years and my husband wants us to reconcile, I have the mind of reconciling because I've come to realise I can't bring up my son alone, it's been very tough for me after the separation, but my husband insists that I must first go and beg his brother with a male fowl and pray for him because I cursed him and secondly that I must be prepared to live in the village with his mother while he lives in Port Harcourt.
Meanwhile I have lived in Lagos all my life, please ma advise me on what to do because I can't seem to be thinking straight anymore, my parents are making life difficult for me and I'm believing that I can give my son the best education if I move back with my husband...

If your husband is serious about the reconciliation plans he has for you and his son, he will accompany you to apologise to his elder brother for your outburst and anger against them for deciding to invade into your privacy and carting away with all you needed to raise your child. However he wishes to do so is his personal decision but he must be present and he must speak on your behalf, else please do not go close to his elder brother's home. 
Secondly, if he's serious about reuniting with you, let him know that you are his wife and not his mother's house help. By extension what that means is that wherever he lives is where you will live and if he cannot make any provision for your shelter and the shelter of your son, there is no need for any reconciliation. 
Thirdly, there is a need to sign an undertaken that under no circumstances or condition should he raise his finger on your body let alone beating you to the point of running away from your home. If he cannot guarantee such, please do not put your life in danger in the name of marriage. 
While children are best groomed in the atmosphere of love and affection of both father and mother, it is not true that a mother or a father cannot give his or her child the best if circumstances didn't permit both of them to be in the life of their children when they needed them most. 
You must embrace the realities of your journey and strive against all odds to take care of your son within the limits of your capacity. He must not attend the most expensive or get the most priceless of gifts and even if both of you decide not to remarry, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a financial role to play in the life of his son. 
He doesn't seem to me as though he has any respect and regards for your happiness but he's only looking for ways to wrestle your son out of you and then keep you in the village while he probably get married in Port Harcourt to another lady.
Whether your family likes you or not, please stand up and ensure that you don't allow anyone to push you into a box where you will live with many regrets and sorrows. It has nothing to do with where you have lived before but how your marriage can be sustained and strengthened. 
If he's not willing to give you a workable plans, please do not accept what you cannot cope with. 


  1. Sometimes I wonder the kind of hand we women give to our husbands that gives some men the kind of impetus they display... And as I wonder I've come to realise that the ladies family play a major role in how ur husband treats and perceives you.. What do u mean that u can't take care of ur son alone.. Why should your husband attach such stupid conditions.. Did he think he married a slave? Woman, please brace up and act like the wife you are... Just like Amara has said, if he can't follow you to his brother's place and speak on ur behalf and also sign an undertaken not to lay his hands on u, then I'll advice you remain where you are and get busy

  2. what I understand that u are the one that begin your husband for reconciliation becus if he is d one that want to reconcile with you he can't give u all dis conditions. pls dear poster tell your self that u will take care of ur son with or without ur husband. let me tell u my own stry , when I toke in for my boyfriend last 7yrs so my guy wanted to marry me but his mother refused becus he is d only son out of 7girls non of those girls has married so his mother swear he will not marry before his senior sisters so I don't have choice than to carry my Cross alone, I drop out of school becus of the pregnancy after set and done I gave birth to my sources of my happiness a girl. after give birth to my girl I started working to take care of my girl and I wihout any body 's help, to cut d story shot my baby girl is in primary 2 now, pls tell ur self that u will take care of ur son OK.

    1. NB: when I was working I go back to school to completed my HND by the grace of God I am now a graduate, just finished my NYSC last yr july rememeber all this na my salary I used dey do am ooooo without husband, boyfriend, siblings or parents help. Do what Anty told you OK.



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