My marriage is four years now, yet my husband still hate my own people and get uncomfortable any time they come to visit me, he hate to spend on them. I have begged and asked him to stop acting that way, but he keeps saying he will never forgive them, that my father gave him to much list and made him spend so much when he was marrying me.
I have tried to explain to him that my father was not the one that made the list but he kept insisting. Please ma, advice on what to do because this issue has brought so my problem in our marriage. Thanks ma.
During your traditional wedding, what did you do to help your husband spend less and meet the demands of your tradition? How helpful were you when he needed you most? You may say that he's reacting unnecessarily but I feel that he was hurt by the financial burden that you could have helped him manage which you perhaps ignored.
First thing I would suggest that you do is to accept the responsibility for any inconvenience or pains that he's experiencing as a result of the expenses. Let him know that you could have done more than you did but that he should forgive you for not doing enough to help him save some money for the plans that he had for the family.
Remind him that no matter how terrible he feels about your family, that God brought you to his life courtesy of your parents. Let him know that he cannot love you so much and at the same time make mockery of your parents who laboured to train you.
Massage his ego and assure him that you will always be there to support him and help him financially. Let him know that your parents were not responsible but you and that he shouldn't treat your family like a thief as a result of the demands of your tradition and family. Give him some time and do not remind him of that anymore while you pray for him to heal. Hopefully, he will make amends and learn to appreciate your family just as he would love you to appreciate his family.
I already know I would never love my in laws except the father. He was the only human der... Even my wife never made any efforts to make d brothers see me as her husband... She acted like she was doing me a favour marrying me. The brother insulted me. Only her younger sister and dad dat accepted me with their hearts. I vowed to marry this girl no longer becos of love or any of those fairy tale crap but cos I wanted to prove to the brother he could not stop me. I have prayed to God to change me and my heart.. But it just can't happen. My woman now is so scared of loosing the marriage cos I don't feel it's me. I do my part, pray with her, provide money, am doing OK, take care of the house and kids, make love to her when she wants... But deep down I hate dis family. I feel am deceiving myself. I buy things for this woman my in law and later give it to widows in church. I avoid her.. Her brother is in pains now and penury... He is seriously struggling, my woman asked me to help him, I keep postponing it... Not cos I cant but I just can't bring myself to forget how he told me, his sister picked a stupid fool, wretched guy... I feel like telling my wife plainly and den even if she wants divorce no problems... I wont worry my head. She made me this monster... Told me my too much love was making her look for a real man. Hehe he... I feel nothing now for her or her mom and brother. The dad is a good man and I will take care of him even if she leaves now. I guess am a real man now... Anyways... Long story... Until u experience wicked mother in law, na story u go dey talk. Jisike Madam Amaka... I dont want advice... Thank God Its pay before service... Lol.. So jide ya dia
ReplyDeleteand you think you are now a mini god, that wont need their help in the future?
DeleteYou are unforgiving and immature for marriage. A mature man will do and take anything to ensure his marriage works. If your wife erred, correct her with love. Without forgiveness, marriage can never work. Remove that rubbish cloak of stupid ego and square your marriage up. If people offend you, teach them how you want them to treat you. There are people who experienced worse than what you passed through yet they swept their matter under the carpet cos they held their hands together to defeat the devil! You are insecure and childish! Marriage is not for children! Go and learn how to be a real man! If you can't cope with this trivial issue, what will you do when children start coming inyo the world? As long as you as you are married, you must face challenges! What makes you a man is the ability to handle every challenge with a smile on your face. No home is perfect but you and wife can choose to make it a perfect one. You have paid the bride price and that's enough to make you proud! Some men borrowed to pay theirs! Mr man, invite christ in your life and home!Love your wife and the people who raised her (her family) as she would love your family. Remember, what you sow is what you reap. Sow love from today and you will live to reap the benefits. May God be the foundation of your home! Be wise!
DeleteOga. Honestly I pity you cause u don't know tomorrow. Am just laughing at u and I feel like giving u a heart. U are nothing but a beast. May God help u
ReplyDeleteBeloved Brother,pls know that no one is perfect & you can't cut off the head because of headache.God wanted to prosper you more than your present status but not until you let go and be UNITED with your wife in prayer & all other things.Please read 1 Corinthian 10vs 10.Thanks.
ReplyDeleteOga u deserve beating. How much do u even have? U re a poor man my friend! And poverty mentality is worrying you!! Big shame on u, u don't knw tomoro cause u might be the one who will need financial help from ur inlaws besides u will have daughter and when u re old they will abandon u!! So unless u change if not Get ready!!
ReplyDeleteWho prospered you. Who gave u those riches u boast with today?do u consider urself totally fit b4 God.Listen sir!the worst thing that can happen to som1 is to have an unforgiving heart,i speak from revelation,you ll fall helplessly wt such a heart,apart from ur marriage,you desperately need to pray that God changes ur spirit.that divorce u r talking about so lightly might be ur undoing.Meet Men like u who r divorced and let them tell u d grief they live with each day,forget abt wat u see,each day,we know u men like to hide ur feelings,if ur opportune to have a heart to heart talk wt those men from broken marriages,you ll shudder @ d depth of their grief and regret.resist the devil pls.most men go thru worse things wen they want to marry.you don't have an excuse
ReplyDeleteFirst time commenting here... Bro I pity your today and your tomorrow... Am not laying a curse on you but if you refuse to change the beggars on the street will be better than you.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous,et al: What's all these ranting in the name of 'sermonizing' for? A man is hurt...deeply,seriously hurt and all you can do is preach and even curse? Before preaching,did you even try to put yourself in his shoes? If you can't heal his wounds,or at least speak to his wounds,please,Shut Up! You obviously have nothing to offer him. Wait till you are spat upon by your brother/mother-in-law-to-be and your wife-to-be(who doesn't have enough sense to know better),then,,,,you can come back for this talk!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: Hahahahaha.... I suspect you are the 'brother-in-law'. Are you? A man is deeply hurting.... Hurt by the very people and the only one who should NEVER have. Do you really realize what it means for ANYBODY to treat as if they are doing you a favour by marrying you? All because of money? After treating you like that,she still went ahead and married you? Oh my God! Do you realize the gravity of what is being dealt with here? HE DOES NOT NEED YOUR SERMONS....AT LEAST NOT NOW. He is hurting....a little empathy will go a long way than all these sermons. You know....I used to be like you(Anonymous),ever ready with my 'sermons'. But,God touched me. When and how He did it,I can't really tell. But,I know He touched me. Don't you think you also need a touch? #qdDOWNLOAD
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: Did you notice he is trying to forgive but just can't? He does not need your sermons; he needs help. Help him or get out of the way! #qdDOWNLOAD
ReplyDeletehttp://aminspired247.blogspot.in/2015/03/quick-downloads-101-over-500-free.html
You want to milk him dry just because he found a wife in your daughter/sister. You gave him a long list & harsh conditions, only because he wanted to make a home with your daughter/sister.
ReplyDeleteDo you ever try to imagine how they will live after the burden of a marriage. Does their survival mean nothing to you.
Then later, you would want him to treat you so well, and spend money on you. You Cannt eat your cake and have it. This is the monster you created, deal with it